She thought about it long and hard
Stroked the oiled metal and thought
Why not do it?
Quick and easy, right?
And no one would miss me. No one.
Ru. With his little glasses and his
Natty tweed. Natty--did bad girls date
Men who wore tweed?
Men who were natty?
So why not do it, and end this?
Before someone tracked her down--
Did it for her.
Before they came for her,
And accused in a language so few understood.
Oily fingers, sliding over the barrel;
Oily fingers, sliding over the desk.
She put the gun away, tucked in a drawer,
And never returned to it.
She couldn't bear to think of the mess,
To think of Ru finding her there,
Still and unseeing amid the remains of a life.
She couldn't bear to think of Ru finding her
And so puts the gun away
And hears Angel coming.
Jenny Calender. Bittersweet. Gun.