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Give Me Some Credit
It's the credit card bill that reminds her. Again. Again that day, that hour, that minute, that second. It's the credit card bill that reminds her that Tara is gone and dead and gone gone gone. Gone and never coming back. Unless...unless no. Willow wouldn't go that far again. Every time she thinks about it she sees Tara and is stopped. Stopped from thinking...stopped from acting. When that thought comes everyone she sees looks like Tara and Tara looks like everyone she sees. She looks down at the bill and tears come to her eyes as she is reminded. Again. Espresso Pump - $5.78 Sunnydale Market - $16.29 Chinatown Takeout - $15.00 Sunnydale Flowers - $76.34 She can pretend that this is just another bill with random purchases. Or maybe that this is someone else's bill that she's just paying. But she wants to keep it and sleep with it and...and maybe if she doesn't pay it they'll come to repossess these things and since they live in Sunnydale they'll take back the instances of the purchases and everything can be back to normal and Tara can be alive. Maybe. Espresso Pump - $5.78 They went to coffee, the day before-...the day after Willow met Tara in the halls at school...the day that Tara came to her/their room and they couldn't just have coffee and expect and Willow knew and could-could Willow just be kissing her now; be kissing her then and now and forever? Sunnydale Market - $16.29 And when they woke up entangled the morning after...the morning after the moon went down and the morning after they had made up all night long and all morning long and then again after Dawn went downstairs...when they woke up entangled Tara wanted to make funny-shapes AND rounds. So they had gone to the store and bought flour and eggs and sugar and baking powder and daisies and whipped cream and strawberries because Tara liked to make pancakes from scratch and Willow liked to see Tara covered in flour and eggs and sugar and baking powder and Tara loved daisies more than roses and they wanted to make up again after the pancakes and Willow thought it might be fun to have whipped cream and strawberries for that. Chinatown Takeout - $15.00 Tara was hungry after they made up again with the whipped cream and strawberries and Willow was using her talented and sticky fingers to try to hack into the Geek Trio's disks so Tara used HER talented and sticky fingers to call for Chinese food and they took breaks from deciphering to feed each other Fried Rice and Chow Mein and to clean up soy sauce spills with supple lips. And Willow barely noticed when the disks were deciphered because she was so full of Chinese takeout and full of happiness and full of love and full of Tara. So she had developed an evil scheme of her own and they had started making up again, only quieter this time cause Dawn and Buffy were home and there were only so many demons they could blame their noises on. Sunnydale Flowers - $76.34 And when the world ended figuratively and didn't end literally and they had to put Tara in a cold box in the cold ground and they (Willow and Buffy and Dawn and Giles and Xander and Anya and Willow, cause she felt like all of her was there and none of her was there and that had to count for something, right?) all said a few words Willow had covered the ground that covered her Tara with the daisies that she (had) loved more than roses. And then she had cried like she couldn't stop and never would and never had, really. It was like that book and that movie and that truth; "What can you say about a girl who died?" and now it's like that book and that movie and that truth; "Love means never having to say you're sorry" but she is. She's so sorry for being there and not being there and being not enough and too much and nothing and everything. It's the credit card bill that reminds her. Again. Again and always. Willow. Sombre. Credit Card. |
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