Oh this is not good. This is so not good. Here I am, alone, in my car, with Faith. That can't be good. Right? I mean, not that I think she's gonna jump on me or anything. And I'm certainly not going to jump on her...it'd probably hurt her shoulder if I did. Which I wouldn't because, well just because. As much as I hate the library I'm beginning to wish I was back there. It's safer there, less chance of anything that shouldn't happen...well, happening. But this taking a wounded girl home late at night stuff. It just seems to me that there's plenty of opportunity for inappropriateness in a situation like that. I mean, what if she's in need of comfort. Or someone to help her get out of those pants. It can't be terribly easy at the best of times, and with a banged up shoulder it's gonna be even worse. I have no idea what I'll do if she asks me to go in with her.
I'm going to subtly sneak a look at her. OK, I just did it. It just made things worse. Because now I know for a fact that whatever she asks me to do I'm going to do it. She's impressed with the interior of my car. I totally surprised myself by downplaying how great it is... usually I'm the first one to let people know how much it cost and that Daddy had the little powder compact built into the dashboard specially. But for some reason I didn't want to tell Faith about it.
She's running her hand up and down the leather upholstery. What is it with this girl and leather anyway? I've never seen the attraction myself. Until recently. It's quite amazing how good some people can look in leather. Of course, the vast majority of the population should be banned from even buying leather pants. It takes a certain type of ass to carry them off well. But the current occupant of my passenger seat has no worries in that respect. Oh God, here I go again. I should not be thinking that way. Yes, I've accepted that these things force themselves into my head from time to time. But that doesn't mean I should be encouraging them to take up residence.
OK, let's think rationally about this. So keep your eyes on the road and under no circumstances look to your right. I am Cordelia Chase. I come from a very well-to-do family. I am rich. My family is powerful. People want to be me. I am revered at Sunnydale High... maybe that last one should have been in the past tense...but still. I have a boyfriend. I am incredibly straight. I do not lust after people of the female persuasion. And I especially don't lust after Faith. There, that's cleared my head a bit.
"Sooooo..."
So? Does that mean she's going to say something? Or is she expecting me to talk now? God, I don't know why I'm getting so flustered. No-one flusters me. I'm pretty much fluster-proof. And now I'm sounding like Willow. This night is just getting better and better.
"You and Xander doin' OK?"
Uh, that was unexpected. Where the hell did that come from? Why is she asking me that? Remember, she's lost blood...she very possibly doesn't even remember the innuendo-laden comments she made in the library. And she almost definitely wasn't serious when she made them. So don't get your hopes up. I mean, don't worry about having to fend her off or anything. Yeah, that's what I meant.
"Um. Yeah...we're fine...I guess...he's, you know, Xander."
Could I sound less enthused? Maybe if I put a bit of gusto into that last sentence I'd maybe have believed it myself.
"Yep, he's Xander alright."
I'm not sure I like Cryptic-Faith. Another furtive glance informs me that she's staring out of the side window. So I can't even see the expression she's wearing. Damn. God, she just looked round really quickly and caught me staring. She's good at that. Must be a slayer thing.
"And you're Cordelia Chase."
Is this a riddle? I think she got hit in the head a bit harder than we thought.
"Yeeeeaaaaahhh."
I have to be careful here, she's trying to get me to say something. Probably trying to catch me out. Why, I have no idea. But I'm on my guard anyway.
"So tell me CC, why are you with Xander?"
"What kind of question is that?"
I am slightly miffed by the question. It's insinuating that I'm settling for someone, that I deserve someone better. Which is actually kind of a compliment. Not to Xander of course. She's still looking at me. It's very difficult to concentrate on driving when she's doing that. I very nearly hit that little old lady back there. She's settling herself back into the leather of her seat, eyes still fixed on my face. I think I'm going to start sweating. That's all I need, pit-stains.
"Just a question, that's all. Seems to me like he's not exactly your type."
I really need to get my bitch on here or I'm going to start agreeing with her and that just wouldn't do at all.
"And what would you know about my type? You don't know anything about me."
I send a very dirty look her way. That look has made people cry. It's made people fall to their knees and beg forgiveness for breathing in my presence. She just smirks. And continues to watch me. I want to hit her. Or ki...nope, hit her is definitely what I want to do.
"Never mind. Forget I said anything."
She backed down really easily there. I could go one of two ways now. I could insist that she tells me what she meant and goad her into a screaming argument. Or I could just leave it. She's staring out of the window again. I don't like it when I can't see her face. Because I don't know what she's thinking, not that I like looking at her face or anything. God, why do I keep justifying these things? To myself of all people. I know what I meant by that...don't I? Well if anyone should know how I'm feeling it's me. And I'm not sure that I do anymore. The 100% not attracted to her is dwindling a bit now.
Thank God, we're here. I pull to a stop at outside her room door and hope she doesn't realise that I shouldn't actually know which one is hers. Without thinking I turn the engine off. Well, if that's not begging for an invitation I don't know what is. I'm such a floozy. She's still just sitting, staring out the window.
"Uh...we're here."
Dumbass. Like she doesn't know we're here. At least it made her turn around to face me.
"Thanks."
She's smiling. It's not a smirk, or a cocky grin, it's an actual smile. I smile back at her. At least I hope I do, my face doesn't seem to be co-operating with my brain. All because she's smiling at me.
"Look, uh, you wanna come in?"
I'm not positive, but I think there was a hint of uncertainty in her voice just then. A tiny part of her is worried that I'm going to say no, going to reject her. Gotta give her points for the invite. No euphemistic offers of coffee or a drink. Of course, she might not have anything to drink in that room.
"Yeah."
I am a total whore. I barely know this girl. We're not friends. We just met for God's sake. And here I am going to a skanky motel room with her. OK, so it's where she lives but still... And who's to say that she wants to do anything skanky? She maybe just wants to talk. I'm really trying not to be disappointed at that thought as I open the door and follow Faith into her room. Wow, colour me surprised. It's not bad. Hardly the Ritz but very clean and very tidy. I feel bad about sitting on the bed and wrinkling the covers. So I remain standing and watch as Faith throws her ruined jacket into a closet. She turns to face me and I draw my breath in deeply, utterly terrified and completely exhilarated.
"So what's the deal Queen C?"
Ummm.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, why are you here? Why did you clean my cuts tonight? Why agree to give me a lift home? Why come in here with me? Why do I catch you lookin' at me when you think I don't know about it?"
Uh oh, this is bad. She's walking towards me, really slowly. She reminds me of a cat. Which is a bit strange with those big puppy-dog eyes of hers. She's, like, two inches away from my face now and I can barely focus on her features. Oh no, my breath is starting to get all ragged, like it does in the movies when the heroine's sure that the hero is gonna lay one on her.
"And back to my earlier question, Cordelia..."
I never realised I had a sexy name until she just said it. It slipped off her tongue like silk and wrapped itself around my ears. I think I might just swoon.
"Why are you with Xander when you obviously want me?"
Oh, now wait a minute...that was definitely not her earlier question. I think I'd have noticed a question like that. And who the hell does she think she is? I have to get her away from me a bit or I won't be able to speak. I put my hand on her chest to shove her back, which turns out to be a very bad move as my thumb grazes the top of her right breast and suddenly shoving her away is the last thing on my mind. I move my thumb ever so slightly and I feel her press against my hand, increasing the contact. I look up into her face and want to scream. One of her eyebrows in raised and she's wearing a really annoying 'I told you so' look. I withdraw my hand immediately and can take some pleasure in the disappointment that flashes in her eyes.
"Listen, Miss Big Shot, I can assure you that in no way shape or form do I want you. And I think it's completely presumptuous of you to think that I would. Here I am, tending to your wounds, bringing you home, making sure that you're OK, and you think it's because I want to get in your pants. Well let me tell you something, Faith, we don't all think like you."
Oooh, I was a bit harsh there. And also lying. I'm afraid to look at her. But I'm given no choice as a surprisingly gentle hand cups my chin and makes me look into her eyes. There's no hurt there, for that I'm thankful...is this me talking? What is there shocks me somewhat: complete and utter disbelief...she didn't buy it for a second. Damn this girl is self-assured. Either that or I'm a bad liar...one or the other.
Now that she's got my attention she lets go of my chin and lets her hand glide down my bare arm. The shiver that goes through me is quite evident and she smiles as she feels it. She moves even closer to me, my back's against the wall and I have nowhere to go...not that I particularly want to go anywhere...but if I did there wouldn't be anywhere. Her body is pressed against the length of my own. My slightly taller stature means that all of her bits are pushing up delightfully on mine. Her knee gently coaxes mine apart, not that it took a lot of persuasion. Her thigh moves excruciatingly slowly up between my own. It's a good thing she's pressed against me so tightly because she's the only thing holding me up right now. Her good arm winds its way around my waist. I can feel her strength, even though she's not trying to show it. It's definitely there and it makes me feel...secure. These are definitely the strongest arms I've ever been in, and it's a nice feeling. The injury to her shoulder restricts her movement a bit so she settles for resting that hand on my hip, rubbing ever so softly with her thumb.
Her face is dangerously close to mine now. Those lips, those damn lips are hovering just short of mine. I'm breathing really quickly now. Her fragrance is invading my head, a tang of sweat, something slightly metallic and leather. I can't get enough of it and my lungs are working overtime. With every breath my chest presses harder against her full breasts. Her hair falling forward onto my shoulders, intertwining with my own tresses. Her nose brushes mine and I whimper...I think I'm going to explode.
"If you tell me you don't want me, I'll stop."
What a complete bitch! I couldn't let her stop now, even if I wanted to. And I don't want her to stop. I want her to cover my lips with hers. I want to feel her tongue in my mouth. I need those arms tight around me, making me feel safe again in this fucked up world.
"I...I want you..."
I'm worried that she maybe didn't hear me, I did kind of whisper it. But she has supersonic hearing so it shouldn't be a problem. She still hasn't kissed me though, which is strange and disappointing. I take a chance and look into her eyes. She's looking at me in...I don't know...wonder? A stupor? She shakes her head and all of a sudden I get this really bad feeling. She was just playing with me. She doesn't want me. Oh my God...
"I...let me go...I have to leave now."
I'm really trying to get out of her arms but she's still holding me close. I struggle futilely against her. I really need to get out of here because I can feel a lump starting to form in my throat. And I will not give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I never let anyone see me cry.
"Hey! Wait a minute, stop, C, I just...I didn't..."
I stop moving and let my body go limp because I know she'll hold me up. I can't look at her because my eyes are watering so I put my head on her shoulder. Her hand moves to the small of my back and her arm tightens around me, if that's possible.
"I didn't expect you to...I...I thought you'd deny it."
You and me both, babe.
"Yeah? Well, maybe I'm tired of denying stuff...it's not as easy as you'd think."
She laughs and I feel her throaty chuckle reverberating through me. I smile into her shoulder and decide to take a chance. I lift my head up and look straight into her eyes.
"I do want you Faith. But I don't want this. I don't want a quick fuck against the wall. Well, I mean, that's not all that I want. That's not my style. So if you want me too we'll have to work out where we go from here."
Panic grips my stomach and twists it as a very unpleasant thought hits me.
"You...uh...you do...want me...right? I mean...this isn't...you're not..."
"'Course I want you C. How'dya think I knew you were hot for me? I've been watchin' you since I got here. And I meant it when I said that Xander isn't your type. It's wicked obvious to anyone with half an eye. An' don't think I haven't noticed you checkin' me out too. I just never figured you'd actually do anythin'."
Hmmm, I'll have to work on my subtlety obviously. However, now that my lack of same has got me into this situation. I might as well make the most of it.
"So, you uh, you said that you'd stop if I said I didn't want you....I don't recall saying those words."
My God, I'm a brazen scarlet hussy of a woman. But she can't just tease a person with the promise of a kiss from those lips and then not deliver on it. A gorgeous smile has spread across said lips and I find myself wanting to lick all of her lipstick off. And with the amount she wears I could be there for some time. She's moving towards me again, lips parted, eyelids heavy. And this time she's breathing quickly too. Almost there. A milimetre to go. And she's stopped again. What the fuck?!?
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
Patience isn't one of my many virtues. I reach up to the back of her head and crush her lips to mine and we're kissing. We're kissing. And it's...wow. Parts of me that I didn't know existed are tingling. Her hand is tangled in my hair, pulling me closer. I finally let my hands roam over her body, and what a body it is. It's even better to touch than to look at. She's softer than I imagined. With her muscles I'd figured she'd be hard. But she's all woman and has deliciously soft parts in exactly the right places. I run my fingers over her toned stomach and around to the smooth skin of her back. I guess her shoulder's healing already because the hand from my hip is now on my breast. I gasp into her mouth. I can't get enough of her. And it seems like she's enjoying herself too.
All too soon we have to separate. If we didn't I really think I'd expire. But what a way to go. Faith induced asphyxiation. Hmmm, nice. We're both panting like dogs...lovely imagery. We're still wrapped up in each other's arms. She places a tiny kiss to my temple and then steps away from me, putting some distance between us. I want to jump back into her arms but I restrain myself as she obviously has something to say.
"Look, Cordelia...you said you didn't want this to be a quick fuck against the wall. And I think if we keep going the way we're going that's what's gonna happen. It's what always happens, so I think you should probably go now before I do something we'll regret later."
I think that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Even with the profanity. For a split second I consider throwing caution to the wind and opting for the 'quick fuck' option. But no. Faith's right, we shouldn't start off like this, if we plan to take this anywhere. Even though I really want to. Like, reeeeeeaaaaallllllly want to. But I'll just go home and take a cold shower. Because she wants to wait. For me.
I move forward and wrap my arms around her waist, needing to feel her against me again, just so I know it's real. She tentatively puts her arms around my neck. I drop a single kiss on her lips and then pull her to me, just holding her. We stand like that for a while until I straighten up and smile at her.
"Well, I'll go then."
She nods. I can't tell if she's happy or sad. Maybe a bit of both, like me.
Before I reach the door I turn back and look at her.
"If you wanted I could...I could come get you tomorrow and we could go for breakfast somewhere?"
The smile's back.
"I'd like that, Cor."
I really need to go now. Hearing her call me Cor like that. Well I'm having trouble not grabbing her and taking her right there on the floor. But instead I reach out and open the door. She comes and stands in the doorway with me.
"So...I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
I smile at the shred of uncertainty in her voice.
"Of course, a good doctor always checks on her patients in the morning."
She grins widely and grabs me in a suffocating kiss. When we part we're both smiling. I walk to my car in something of a daze. And I just know she's watching my ass as I walk.