I Want Candy
by Amberina

Buffy and Cordelia hesitantly made their way into the high school, and to Cordelia's non-surprise, everyone was gay. Girls grasped hands with girls, boys ran their fingers through each other's hair. It was a full-on gay pride parade in the hallway.

"Oh, my God," Buffy said, her mouth dropping open. "You were right."

"I know," Cordelia said. "I knew it! What do we do?"

"Why do anything?" Buffy asked. "I mean, everyone seems happy."

Cordelia grabbed Buffy by the shoulders. "Listen to me. Everyone in school can not be gay. It's impossible, okay? There has to be some reason behind it - and it can't be a good reason. You are the Slayer, Buffy. You have to figure it out."

Buffy shrugged. "Come on, Cordy. What could be wrong with everyone being gay? It's cool, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's great, except for the sinister reason lurking beyond the surface, which you have to find out."

"I never figure anything out," Buffy said, sighing. "That's Willow's job."

Buffy pointed to where Willow was, sandwiched between Amy and Anya. Amy was kissing her neck as Anya was drawing her tongue along her collarbone. Willow's hands were gently fondling Anya's breasts.

Cordelia gawked for a moment, and then turned away. "Okay, that was something I so could have went without seeing for, like, ever."

"Relax," Buffy said softly, poking her tongue - which had a green apple Jolly Rancher in the middle of it - out at Cordy and wiggling it suggestively. She began to back Cordelia up against a locker.

"Okay, and say everyone is gay, which they're not, but let's just say for a minute that they are, school is hardly the place to be exploring it! Something's making everyone gay and horny!" Cordelia exclaimed. She walked over to where Willow, Anya, and Amy were and yanked them apart. She grabbed Amy up by the collar. "Weren't you a rat?"

Amy nodded softly, and then kissed Cordelia. Cordelia leaned into the kiss, and then realized what was going on, and pulled back quickly. "Ew, no, stop it! This is wrong people!"

Everyone stopped and looked at Cordelia, who was standing in the middle of the hallway shouting like a crazy person. "Hey, you!" she yelled, pointing at a random girl who had been channeling her inner Sappho. "Yeah, you. You weren't gay last week!"

The girl shrugged and went back to what she had been doing.

Cordelia turned back to Buffy. "Buffy, come on. There has to - " she stopped abruptly when she caught sight of a certain British sorcerer. "Ethan Rayne! My God! That's it."

"What?" Buffy asked, looking around to see what Cordelia saw. "Ethan? What's he doing here? I think I'm gonna kick his ass."

"No," Cordelia said, holding her back. "I think I know what's up. Ethan did something to make everyone gay, because he's in love with Giles!"

Buffy blinked. "What?"