I knew she was trouble the minute I laid eyes on her. I mean hello, she looked like a video-ho reject. And of course, I was all too quick to point this out to everyone. However superficial my observation was, I was right about her being trouble. She was trouble then and she's trouble now. But the only difference between now and then though is, her.
She's been here a year. A whole year. It hasn't been an easy year for any of us. I mean it's been one catastrophe after another. A near apocalypse here, a near apocalypse there. And through it all, she's been right there risking her life along with us. She's even saved our collective asses on several occasions. Angel said she would change, that she just needed the opportunity to do it, and she has. I couldn't believe then, but I see it now. So why can't I just tell her that?
I mean Faith is...well, Faith is Faith. She's all pouty, swaggery, 'tudeness. Which makes it hard to talk to her like a normal person. Most of our conversations result in a battle of barbs. You know, I'll say something, then she'll say something, and of course me being me, not being able to let it go at that, because you know, I'm not about to let anyone out bitch the original bitch. No siree-bob, the only Queen Bee in this hive is Queen C and she is me.
So we usually just wind up in this vicious cycle of insults. And though I do enjoy our little tete-de-tetes, I find myself wanting to know more about Faith. I guess it's because of those odd moments when she lets her guard down, I can see this sadness in her and find myself drawn to it. I find myself drawn to her. I guess that's why I'm standing here right now. I've been watching her go at the heavy bag for oh about, fifteen minutes now, which gave an idea, now all I need to do is make it happen.
Okay, I've been here for about thirty seconds and she's already nearly punched my lights out and now she has me by the shoulders with this look of terror in her eyes. God, those eyes...Damnit Cordy, snap out of it. That's right, shrug it off. Get a little distance between you and her. Christ, she's looking at me again. C'mon, c'mon, say something quick Cordy, anything, just stop staring at her.
Oh great, now she's yelling . She's asking me why I'm down here. It would serve her right if I played hard to get before I told her...told her what? "Well, Faith this is all a clever ruse to hide the fact that I want to spend time with you so I can unlock your inner mystery." But I'm not gonna tell her that, at least not just yet.
She's eating it up, score one for Cordy. Uh-oh, she's starting to do that Clintonesque flip-flop thingie. Think Cordy, think. Okay good, she's buying it, that small bit of flattery was a nice touch. God she's stubborn. Finally a "yes," it was starting to feel like pulling teeth with a pair of tweezers just to get her to say it.
What? Start tomorrow?...Plans, tonight, what plans? Okay Cordy, pull it together, can't let her see you sweat. I can't believe she just blow me off. Me, Cordelia Chase, ceremoniously dismissed by Faith, I'm too good for a last name, Faith. Well, that just won't do at all. We'll see who has plans, missy.
Note to self, getting pissed and following Faith to some seedy bar in a bad part of town is never a good idea. Okay, so I'm not exactly rational girl right now. What the hell is wrong me? I mean I'm here because what, because Faith rather come to a place like this to do god knows what, with god knows whom instead of spending time wi...okay I'm so not going there. I mean who in the hell does she think she i...What the hell is that sleaze bag doing behind her? Hmph, figures, it's just like Faith to let some total stranger dry hump her on the dance floor. Well, we'll see who has all the moves.
He'll do. She's not the only one who can shake her ass like a bitch in heat. Hm...it's been so long since I've done anything like...Ah, here she comes. Good. Okay Miss I'm wicked cool-sexy-I wear form fitting leather pants-look out she's on the edge-god's gift to all- slayer, let's see whatcha got.
I can't keep this up and she knows it. She's so goddamn cocky. I think it's about time I shift gears. Let's see how she likes this. See how she likes being blown off for some schmuck. She's got a lot of nerve. What is she trying to prove anyway? Come to think of it, what am I trying to prove? Why the hell am I here chasing after Faith like some lo...oh my god, what the fuck is she doing behind me! Do something Cordy, do something before...YES! I've never been so happy to hear a cell phone ring. Don't think I could take another minute of Faith all over me .
These last 24 hours could justify any bodily harm inflicted upon someone's person. First, all that crap with Faith in the bar, then that gross Fyarl demon. Just when did my life become an episode of "Passions?"
Look at her just sitting there as if she hasn't done anything wrong. I'll show her that Cordelia Chase doesn't take crap from anyone. Hm, so she wants to see what I've got, huh. Well, after that stunt she pulled last night. I've got plenty to show.
Those pointers that I picked up from Angel aren't too shabby. It's not everyday you can put a slayer down. Wiped that smug look right off her face. Shit, she just knocked me down next to her. Uh-oh, she's on top of me. I can't move.
Keep your cool Cordy, just play along until she lets go of you. Damnit, she asking me about last night. And she's tightened her grip. I can't take this. No Cordy, stay cool, don't let her see it, don't let her see you panic. Don't let her know why you were there last night. Can't give in to her. Why is she doing this? Oh my god that feels good, too good. Make her stop Cordelia. MAKE HER STOP!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Why did you tell her that? Of all
the things you could have said, why in heaven's name did you tell her
that?
The look her face, I've never seen it before. I have to fix this now, or it will be too late to tell her how I really feel. Hell, I don't even know what it is I feel. One day I hate her guts and the next sh...go ahead say it...she's all I can think about...It's to admit it, Faith and I have been playing this game for a few months now instead of being honest about this thing between us. I guess now is the time to fix that. I guess now is the time to fix everything.
I'm just tell her the truth. "Look Faith as hard as it may seem to believe, I have a thing for you and I have for quite some time..." Nah, makes me sound like some stalky loser. Okay I got it, "Faith, sometimes when two people feel a certain way about each other..." Ewww, now I sound like grandma giving the "sex" talk. Maybe if I just said...uh-oh, she just open the door, sweet Jesus, there's so much pain in face and I put it there.
She looks the same way she did a year ago. The minute I laid eyes on her, I knew I was in trouble. I think it was because she looked so confident, but at the same time, so vulnerable too. She's so beautiful and doesn't even know it.
Why did I have to say that out loud? Okay Cordy get a grip girl, after all you are on a mission. Tell her, go ahead and answer her question. Be honest, and say what you feel. Tell her that you didn't mean what you said that you were jealous. Tell her that she's beautiful and that you want her.
She's going into defensive girl mode, go to her Cordy. Actions speak louder than words. Prove to her that we want the same thing. Touch her, kiss her, make it real. It's time to give in to it. No more games, no more pretenses. Prove to her this is real. Don't give her the chance to run away. Make it real for us.
"You are so beau..."
She put her finger on my lips.
"No more talking."...