prophecy girl

What will they say?

Cordelia Chase, Kind-Of-Demon-Hunter. Cordelia Chase, Might-Have-Been- Actress. Cordelia Chase, Almost-Prom-Queen. Cordelia Chase.. two bottles, just in case.

I just can't take it anymore--you of all people understand, right? The headaches.. they're not even headaches anymore. It's like tiny pieces of my brain being ripped off every time I get a vision. The nosebleeds, the shaking.. and I've started losing my hearing, too. My body just isn't equipt for it, I guess.

It's not your fault.

And it's not just that, either. The heartbreak, the failures.. you get that, too. You always did. I wanted to join you, but I never liked drinking. I guess we all have our downfalls. Sometimes I think if you were still here, I'd be a little bit stronger, even with the visions. But there's so many parts of me missing now that I can't hold on any more.

I feel better, now that I've decided to do it. Yesterday, they gave me Toradol, and I have four days worth of pills on me right now. 10mg's.. every four hours.. that's 60 a day.. that's 240mgs in all.. plus a bottle with 32 aspirins left in it. And a chocolate shake to wash it all down. Last drink might as well be my favorite.

It's eleven o'clock. They're all in bed--early night tonight. It's just me and you, me and the memories, me and the pills. They won't find me until tomorrow morning, and then it'll be too late.

Don't be upset; it's better this way. I can't handle the pain anymore, and I'd rather make my own choice than wait. They said braindead, and I won't go out that way. I won't, because I..?

I am Cordelia Chase. I'm better than that.

I really could have been so much better.


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