my first love letter
They've informed me that my words will be transcribed for you, rather like a letter. It's really quite fascinating, to see one's spoken word appear directly on paper, so you must forgive me if I seem a trifle garrulous here.
It appears that I have died. I remember very little, really, just a gunshot, and then this sensation of great cold. And voices shouting, of course, Gunn's being the most strident. I woke up briefly in the hospital, I believe, but everything was so unclear. I hope Charles does not blame himself too much. He and Cordelia are entirely alone, now, Angel, and they're both still children, really. Please watch over them. Do NOT let your anger and theirs build some terrible barrier; they will still stand between you and darkness, if you will only let them. Only now they do not have the questionable protection of an ex-Watcher with terribly shaky magical skills, so they need you more than ever.
That is the most and supremely important thing. Beyond this, there are some loose ends that I simply must tidy up.
The Groget's Demon Lore that I borrowed from you is on the third shelf down, in the bookshelf in my apartment. I've earmarked certain passages that I think may prove useful to you in the future, especially as pertains to common North American demons and their habits. You might want to be especially careful of the Kr'Grakah, since they prey almost exclusively on vampires and are vicious fighters.
Also on that bookshelf, you will find a green volume with gold lettering in Latin. It deals primarily in curses, including those of the Romany people. I would have given it to you earlier, but, since we haven't really spoken recently...in any event, I have marked the chapters dealing with soul-binding. I thought we might try to affix your soul permanently. In case, you know, you ever...thought, perhaps, about loving again. I'm sure you will be able to decipher the meaning of the rituals without me, though.
I missed you terribly, you know. I thought I caught a glimpse of you in the hospital, but surely....surely you would not have come, and then stayed outside? No, I'm sorry. Of course you would not. I do apologize. Back to the loose ends, then.
I never did fix the step outside the hotel, so please be careful when you come home, especially if you have been fighting hard and are more tired than usual. It could go at any moment, and the wood could be dangerous. There are the phone numbers and addresses of some contractors in your directory, I expect. It would be best if it was mended as soon as possible.
I believe I left an axe by the back sewer entrance the last time I was there. It's a good spot for it, ready to hand in case of subterranian attack. It's yours, if you would like it.
Don't forget to eat regularly, Angel. I know sometimes you simply don't remember, but you MUST keep your strength up. And one pint of blood a day is really not enough. I found a little shop down by LaBrea last week that will deliver blood to your residence; it seems they have a number of vampiric clients. So there is no excuse, now, for not taking better care of yourself.
There is a delivery of shaded glass for the front windows of the hotel that should be arriving at any time. I...had thought it would be pleasant for you, to be able to enjoy the lobby without concern for the sun. And since our little agency was doing so well, with Virginia's referral, it was really a trifle. I hope you enjoy them.
You must allow yourself a little happiness, Angel, if you are to survive. Please do not let the demon win. There are people who...who care and worry about you, and do not wish for your life to continue in darkness. Keep fighting the good fight.
Love, and farewell,
d e a d l e t t e r s h o m e