Whoa! You never realize how precious life is until it's really gone. Deep down I always knew I'd be the first one to go. After all, I am...was. I was only the field time guy. Heh. That's weird. Getting used to saying was instead of is or are. Hey, who knew I'd know some grammar? I think you may have guessed why I am writing to you. It's about time I stopped ditching the subject. You were my best friend for the entire duration of my life. There isn't a year I can recall when you weren't there.
I love you. The three words I never got to say to you (While you were awake anyway). When you were lying in that hospital bed, deep in your coma, I thought my heart was being ripped out of my throat. Yes, in case you haven't figured this out yet, it was me sitting by your bedside, holding your hand, telling you I loved you. Of course you never would have guessed that with the way I treated you and my obliviousness. (Hey is that a word?)
When I look back, I'm glad you chose Oz over me. Well, not because it was the hardest, most painful thing I have ever been through, but it was because I deserved it. He deserved you. And you deserved the best. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried or what I did, I could never be the best for you. All I had for you was my unconditional love, and believe me Willow, that never faded or faltered for one minute. Even though Anya, and Tara, Oz, and the hellmouth. There was that yearning, that feeling, that me and you would end up together.
I know how much me being gone is going to kill you. At least, I think I do. If it will affect you, half as much as loosing you would affect me, this is going to suck. I don't want that for you. I don't want you to dwell on my death. I didn't feel any pain. It was quick and unexpected. I want you to move on Wills. Be happy. I died happy, my last thought was you. It is my last and final wish that you live a happy life. Do it for me. I know you're going to feel guilty because I risked my life for you, but don't. I'd do the exact same thing all over again, if it meant that you could take one more breath of air. I gave my life for you, Willow. Please, take adavntage of that. Live it up baby. Just remember that because I am no longer physically there, doesn't mean you can't keep my in your heart.
Well, I guess it's time that I leave my last words for the world. Tell everyone I love them. Giles, my father. Buffy, my sister. Anya,... just Anya. Remember that really annoying song? The one with the guy that talks about sunscreen? Yeah, I know you're smiling right now, because you remember how much we hated that song. Well, despite the fact that we screamed when it came on, everything in that song is absolutely true. Live life to it's fullest. Do the things you enjoy doing, simply because you enjoy them. Fall in love. Get married and have children. Kiss them goodnight for me everyday of your life. Hold the people you love for as long as you can. Smile. Dream. Dare to remember, and try not to forget. Hold the people that are gone closest to your heart, but don't be afraid to move on. Sleep in on Sundays. Wait until the last minute to study for finals. Break the rules sometimes. Disobey Giles every once in a while. Stand up for what you believe in. Look at the stars. Run so fast into the wind that you fall down. Stay up late. Eat entire cartons of ice cream. Always tell the people you love how much you love them. Jump in puddles. Take walks in the rain. Have snowball fights. Eat honey suckles. And most importantly, always wear your sunscreen Willow.
I love you, Wills.
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