It had been a long and bitter struggle. And they, bruised,
battered, and utterly exhausted, celebrated in the only way
Four men, six bottles of beer each.
One beer, and it was a conversation about the battle they had
just won -- the size of the Mayoral demon, the loss of life, the
explosion of the school.
Two beers, and the conversation was focused on Giles's
books, carefully boxed up and residing at Giles's flat. Giles
and Angel discussed editions while Xander complained about
his back to an increasingly silent Oz.
Three beers, and Giles finally felt it was time to criticize 'piss-
poor cheap American lager.' Angel agreed, Oz remarked that
he only occasionally drank, and it was up to Xander to
defend his country.
Four beers meant the debate continued, degenerating into a
petty argument of U.S. vs. U.K. For every good thing
Xander found, Giles countered with at least three bad things.
Both Angel and Oz stayed away from this one.
Five beers, and suddenly Xander blurts out, "You don't
Giles opened his mouth to retort, then closed it again. After a
few seconds, he finally muttered, "I'm not going to dignify
that with a response, Xander."
"It's just...freakish. And weird. And not right!"
Angel brought a heavy-lidded expression to bear on Xander.
"It's only unhygenic if you don't wash and...I'm not getting
into this argument."
Oz remained silent, his eyes closed and his breathing steady.
Xander took a swig from his beer. "And it's ugly. It's much
neater when you're cut."
Giles and Angel exchanged an annoyed look. The Watcher
adopted an imperious air. "Frankly it's an outmoded and
barbaric practise that should have been stopped in this
country some time ago. And it's quite attractive, thank you."
This seemed to end the debate, or at least it silenced Xander,
who furrowed his brows and drank more beer. After a few
moments of intoxicated contemplation he looked at Angel.
"You've got one, Deadboy. I wanna see."
"I am not showing you..."
"I want proof! I've never seen one! A foreskin I mean,
because I've seen penises. I've seen mine and there was that
time that Larry was...never mind. But I don't believe that it's
attractive. I wanna see."
Angel sighed. "No, Xander."
"Oh, c'mon! I'll show you mine! I will!"
Words dying in his throat, Angel just shook his head.
"I'm not ashamed of my body!"
Giles intervened. "Really, Xander, we..." he trailed off as
Xander excitedly jumped up and began to tug at his belt,
swaying recklessly. "...Don't..." The pants were shoved
down, "...Oh, bloody..." The dog-patterned boxers followed
and Xander's cock was on display.
Giles and Angel considered it, their heads tilting slightly as
they looked at it.
Xander smiled drunkenly. "See? A nice clean circumcised
penis. It's the American way." He waggled it around
slightly, then looked at Angel. "Show me. Now."
Angel frowned deeply, and glanced at Giles. Giles raised his
eyebrows, sighed, and opened up a sixth beer and handed it
to Angel. Angel took a long drink, then stood up.
There was unzipping, the sliding down of silk black boxers,
and, slowly, Angel pulled out the littlest Angelus.
Giles and Xander both gaped at it. "That's a..." Giles
"Prince Albert!" Xander finished the sentence. "Oh my God,
you have a Prince Albert!"
Angel shrugged, admiring yet again the light gleaming off of
his piercing. "I regret many things I did as Angelus...but this
is not one of them."
"Wow..." Xander said. "Does Buffy know?"
Angel looked at him.
A second later, Xander hit his forehead. "Forget I said that."
Angel nodded, then whispered, conspiratorially, "Almost
cracked a tooth when she wasn't being careful..."
Xander's eyebrows hit the roof, his cock picking up at the
thought. "Reeeaalllly?" he said.
Giles stood up. "Enough!" he said in a loud voice. "I am
not having this conversation."
"Then show us what you've got, or else we're gonna do so
much worse..." Xander teased as he slowly and clumsily
popped off the cap of his sixth beer.
Giles frowned. "I..."
"He showed..." Angel gestured towards Xander. "I
showed..." Angel gestured toward his. "Oz is asleep...it's
Giles waved his hand dismissively. "This is ridiculous. I'm
not about to. . ."
Angel's hand suddenly gripped his arm. The vampire spoke
forcefully. "Show us. Now."
His face taking on an unhealthy pallor, Giles shook his arm
free of Angel's hold. He shot him a vengeful glare. "Very
well." Pushing gray pants and plain white briefs to his
knees, Giles stood up straight and waited for the reaction.
Xander squinted at the Watcher's crotch. "I thought that was
on your arm..." He paused. "And where's your pubic
Angel examined Giles's genitals with academic detachment.
"Rupert, why do you have the mark of Eyghon there?"
Giles regarded his smooth crotch for a second, looking at the
familiar tattoo that adorned the area where hair once grew.
He glanced at Angel and Xander. "Followers of Eyghon can
be marked in several places, you know."
Xander nodded, absently scratching his pubic hair and
frowning slightly. "That must have hurt..."
A smile crossed Giles's face at the memory. "It wasn't too
bad, actually. It's quite a funny story...You see, Ethan and I--
Giles's anecdote was interrupted by the sound of something
heavy hitting the top of the coffee table. Three pairs of eyes
turned to the source and widened in awe.
Oz stood there, his exceedingly baggy pants down around
his ankles, and his cock resting comfortably on the table.
The three other men stood there for a few seconds, just
staring, until, finally, Xander spoke up. "Um...Oz? What're
you doing with the false dick from 'Boogie Nights'?"
Giles leaned over the table, his eyes tracing over each
centimeter of skin and muscle. Finally, at the head, he looked
up at Oz's face over his glasses. "This is a giant cock," he
"That must be twenty percent of your height, Oz," Angel said,
staring at it in unabashed envy.
"Twenty-five when erect."
There was silence again, save a faint slap when Xander's
erection hit his stomach.
Oz smiled at the three men, and leaned forward slightly,
being careful to shift his feet to keep him supported. "Hey,"
he said softly. "Ever see 'Magnolia'?"
The lights in Giles's apartment were low. A faint spicy scent
hung in the air, and there was quiet chanting from around the
living room table.
On it, Oz stood, his legs spread out to give him balance while
his erect cock waved in the air, well oiled and gleaming in the
faint light. He held up his arms proudly. "Respect the
cock!" he yelled.
Giles, Angel, and Xander looked up from the floor where
they were bowing, naked, oiled, and ready. "Respect!" they
Oz looked down upon his supplicants. Giles was watching
him steadily, his eyes twinkling from behind his glasses.
Angel peered out from under his heavy brow ridge, an
expression of awe and enlightenment on his face. Xander
couldn't take his eyes away from the large appendage in front
of him, and kept on licking his lips hungrily.
Oz looked down at them again, and simply smiled.
Six beers, and he was a God.