what underwear is he wearing? what is under those baggy jeans?
Haven't you ever wondered exactly what Oz is wearing? Dolores Labouchere (D) and Kate Bolin (K) review various photos of him and declare his knicker-related failures or hits.
K: The jeans look relatively baggy, so I'm guessing he's wearing large boxers.
D: Yeah. He's letting it all swing loose.
K: And they have an understated pattern. Like small dogs. Or bicycles.
D: Willow probably read something about tight underpants reducing a man's sperm count so she's making him wear baggy clothes.
K: Eeeeeeagh...Willow and sperm count in the same sentence!
D: Or elephants -- appropriate due to the size of his trunk.
K: Yes. Elephants.
K: With the stunning whiteness of his stomach, I actually think he's wearing long johns...
D: You know, it's actually possible.
K: Like, that isn't his stomach -- that's just the pants. He's wearing the really long thermal pants -- right up to his armpits.
D: The shoot looks like it's somewhere tropical, but it's actually a mall in Wisconsin so he has to wear long-johns to stop himself from freezing.
K: Exactly! It's freezing and he's lifting his shirt to go "Excuse me, I'm fucking cold here!"
K: Boxer briefs. Tight and snug and longish -- matching the robe.
D: Absolutely. Probably fresh from the packet, which explains the big smile.
K: Naw, even better -- fresh from the dryer. They're all warm and soft.
D: Oooo, yes.
K: Warm soft pants and cereal, yes.
K: Silk boxers?
D: Or Y-Fronts. This is Worker Ant Oz.
K: You think? I was thinking Mobster Boy Oz. At which point it'd be black pinstripe silk boxers.
D: Well, I thought the sensible white y-fronts that his aunt gave him for Christmas...keeps everything comfortable but controlled.
K: See, though, he has that look where he's so obviously ready for sex -- and he could be wearing his fuck-me-pants. Very soft, very sex, and everyone goes crazy for 'em.
D: They were actually Angel's originally, but he kept them as a memento. And Angel is such a connoisseur of pants.
K: He's naked, but he's not! He's wearing a spangly glittery g-string just for Giles! Giles slid it on him without telling him while he slept!
D: That's what I was going to say!
K: Yeah, Giles went "Hmm. I best conceal that before world peace breaks out."
D: Yup, there's a thong snugly separating each smooth buttcheek, and his enormous packet is squished into a sequined pouch.
K: He's such a gay slut. Bless 'im.
D: Aww. Brings a tear of joy to your eye.
K: I think he has a secret.
D: I think he's going commando there.
K: Commando? Could be. He has that slight menace to him.
D: He's basically hauled on whatever was on the floor of his bedroom and there were no clean pants at hand. So he just went without. It's a slightly forced smile because his jeans are chafing sensitive parts.
K: And it's why his hands are at his crotch, 'cause, dude, adjusting himself. So he's obviously commando.