The Christmas Wish
"Xander?" Willow had asked in seventh grade. "Have you ever heard of the Christmas Wish?"
"Yeah," he replied from where he laid on her bed. "Every year at Christmas time, if people are good enough, their deepest wish or desire will come true. It's kinda like Santa. Where'd you hear about it?"
She turned in her desk chair. "Some kid at school was saying stuff. Why hasn't it happened to you? You're, like, the best person I know."
"I don't know." He sighed. "Maybe I'm just not wishing for the right thing."
"I'm sure you'll get it one day."
"Thanks."
Xander wasn't quite sure if he had ever believed in Santa Claus, but he definitely believed in the Christmas Wish. Every year, he always wished for something. Once, when he was five, it had been for a bike, but while growing up (aka 'Before Buffy'), it was usually that his family would stop fighting and be normal. After Buffy, it was that things would be normal for her -- she had it hard enough as it was. Then when he and Anya had gotten together it was for them to be happy.
And he never understood why it never came true.
Going to Cleveland had been hard. Xander had hardly left Sunnydale in his entire life, let alone the state, and now he was moving halfway across the country. He became morose during the journey, more aware of the scenery passing by than anything else. Once in Cleveland, he sequestered himself from the others, usually only leaving the apartment he shared with Andrew for work or to go grocery shopping. He lied that it was because of Anya and kept up a happy facade for the rest of the group, but the only real joy came from Willow and, surprisingly, Andrew.
December 21. Xander was alone in the darkened apartment, Andrew having gone over to the girls' to bake cookies. Drowning himself in a bottle of Scotch had seems like a good idea earlier, but now he wasn't so sure. He was halfway through and he still hadn't forgotten Anya -- or the hole in his heart that she had left behind. He had never expected his life to get this confused. It had always been pretty straight forward -- school, good job, happy family, the works. Now hie wasn't sure what he wanted -- only that it wasn't this.
"Hi, honey! I'm home!"
"Spike?!? What the -? I thought --"
"I did. I'm your Christmas Wish."
"Right. And I've suddenly grown another head."
"Not yet, but you do have the Wish wrong. It's not just about getting your wish -- it's about using it to move forward."
"And you being here accomplishes that how?"
"Just call me your Ghost of Christmas Future."
"Cut the crap. I don't have time for games."
"Neither do I -- I've only got the night."
"And why are you here? Anya would have worked better."
"To do what? Help you move forward or stick your head further in the sand?"
The kiss was like liquid fire, shooting from his lips, through his mouth, down his spine, and pooling in his groin. And it scared the shit out of him. Kissing another guy wasn't supposed to be anywhere near this good. He was about to push Spike off of him, when Spike pulled him out of the chair and pressed their bodies together, eliciting a small groan from Xander. This was definitely much better than originally advertised. He tangled his hands in Spike's short hair and deepened the kiss. Spike licked his tongue across Xander's bottom lip and the human surrendered.
Clothes had vanished by the time they hit the bed, and hands roamed while lips and tongues tasted something new and exotic. Xander was soon hard, and he began babbling as he begged Spike to take him. Lube appeared and after thoroughly prepping Xander's tight channel, Spike slowly pushed his slick cock into the hot passage as he grabbed Xander's cock and began milking it. At first Spike took his time, thrusting slowly and leisurely, until Xander's begging propelled him over the edge and he took him hard and fast. It didn't take long and they both came at once.
Xander sighed as he curled into Spike. While still sweaty and recovering from their intimate activity, he felt much better than he had hours before. It was almost as if the fuck -- Xander wasn't going to pretend that it was anything else -- had not only cleared his mind, but had shut a door on part of his life. It wasn't that he was suddenly gay -- even if he had asked Willow to make him -- it was that he was ready to move on with his life, as much as he missed Anya. He fell asleep looking forward to the morning.
Xander --
Now, don't go getting all upset that I'm not here. I told you it was only for the night. That's how these things work. I hope I did you a bit of good so you can get on with things now. The girls need you and miss you. Hell, Andrew does too. I know you were wishing to have Anya back, but that's not what you need. Or even want, if you're completely honest with yourself. You know deep down she wants you to move on and be happy, so stop being such a wanker and do it.
-- Spike