When It Gets Too Much
"Keith." It came out more as a sigh than anything else. "We've been over and over this..." Bryan trailed off, shaking his head.
"I know, but..."
"Don't, please. Just don't." Bryan's voice was weary as he sat down on the edge of the bed, pointedly not looking at Keith. "We can't do this and that's all there is to it. You're married now and somehow I don't think Paula would understand you screwing around behind her back."
"She doesn't have to know," Keith offered.
Bryan laughed mirthlessly, and slowly turned his head to face Keith. "Whether or not she knows, it wouldn't change the fact that you'd been unfaithful. I won't let you cheat on her." This wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation since Keith married 8 months ago. Every couple of weeks Keith would come to Bryan, and every time Bryan would turn him down. Recently, Keith had been asking more often and was starting to get desperate. It was getting harder and harder for Bryan to turn down Keith's advances, and he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to resist him.
Keith winced and moved to crouch in front of Bryan, tipping the singer's chin up, making Bryan look at him. "You're right," he admitted, "I know you're right, but..." His shoulders slumped and he sighed, breaking eye contact. "I can't do this any more, Bryan." Taking a deep breath he looked back up. "I need you, need to feel you again. I thought I could do this, but I can't. Being with you everyday, and then nothing. And then at night, I remember. I think about everything we've done, and then see you smile and... " He stood, turning his back on Bryan, choking off what sounded suspiciously like a sob. His eyes slid closed and he tilted his head up to the ceiling, wrapping his arms around his body. "I miss you. I miss all the little things; a hug, touches, smiles, kisses. I hate not being able to touch you in case somebody sees. Or in case I can't control myself and do something I shouldn't. I hate being alone at night, in a cold dark bed. I hate sleeping alone, without you there. I miss making love to you and I hate it, Bryan. Call me selfish, but I need you so damn much." His voice dropped as he walked over to the door, his hand resting on the doorknob, looking back over his shoulder. "I love you, Bryan."
"Don't go," Bryan asked, his voice a near whisper that Keith almost missed. Silent tears were streaking down Bryan's face as he looked up at Keith. Keith knelt down in front of Bryan, gently cupping his face, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. He wanted more than anything to kiss those tears away, but didn't.
Bryan swallowed heavily, leaning forwards, his forehead resting against Keith's. "I love you, Keith," his voice was quiet and shaky. "I love you more than words can ever say, but..." He squeezed his eyes together tightly, trying to stop more tears from leaking through. "I miss you too, but we can't. You're married now, it's not right. I couldn't do that to Paula, I respect her too much." Once he started speaking the words just tumbled out and he grew tense the more distressed he became. "I love you too much to risk wrecking your marriage. I want you more than anything and it hurts. It hurts like shit..."
"Bryan, don't." Keith shook his head and pulled Bryan close, kissing him gently on the lips. Bryan clung bonelessly to Keith, arms wrapping around the other man's shoulders. They sat like that until Bryan sat up, somewhat calmer. He scrubbed at his face with the heels of his palms, blushing f aintly, but he didn't pull out of Keith's arms. Keith brushed away some of the tears that clung to Bryan's eyelashes, his hand cupping Bryan's cheek as he leaned in for another kiss, but pulled back before Bryan had chance to respond. They both apologized to each other at the same time.
Bryan smiled slightly, but it soon faded. He gestured for Keith to speak "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't mean to make you cry. God, I hate seeing you upset." He stood and started pacing as he spoke. "I don't know what to do, Bryan. I can't stand this; being with you, yet not being with you. But I don't want to hurt Paula. I feel so guilty about this but I can't help it. I can't stop the way I feel. I love her so much, but I love you as well. And it's a completely different kind of love. When I'm with her, I feel calm, completely relaxed and peaceful, whole. But you... I only have to think about you, hear your name and it's like a fire's burning inside me, passion eating me alive." He exhaled heavily, breath leaving him in a chuff. He turned back to face Bryan, eyes begging him to say something, to do something, anything. But he didn't, just watched him.
With a sound that was half a laugh and half a sob, Keith turned away from Bryan one more time, resting his forehead, on the wall. "Just being in the same room as you makes me so turned on. My skin feels like it's electric, everything's so sensitive. Every instinct in my body is telling me to just let go, push you backwards onto the bed, and pull your shirt off and make love to you the way I need to, the way you need me to. I want to feel your skin beneath my fingers, your body responsive to my touch. I want to taste you, hear you cry my name as you come..." Keith trailed off with a groan, his jeans tightening painfully. He fought the urge to rub against the wall, desperate for anything to ease his need. Sensing Bryan moving to stand behind him, Keith spun on the spot to face him. "Tell me you don't feel the same way, Bryan. Tell me you don't need this as much as I do, and I'll go. I'll walk out that door and we'll forget this ever happened."
Bryan moaned Keith's name. "That's not fair. That's not fucking fair, Keith. I can't do that and you know it." He stepped closer to Keith, their bodies fitting together as perfectly as ever, running his hands through his lovers dark hair, pulling his head down, as their lips met for a greedy kiss. "You think this hasn't been fucking hell for me as well, watching you with her? It's so obvious you two are madly in love, and it's killing me. That used to be us, should be us. And I would give anything to have that back, to have you back. Sometimes I'm too scared to even look at you because I know the response my body will have. I just want to hold you, to touch you. Anything. But I can't because I know it could never stay platonic. Why did you do it Keith? Why did you have to fall in love with her?" A pained look crossed Keith's face and Bryan's anger dissipated almost instantaneously. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, this is coming out all wrong. I know it's not your fault." Bryan stopped talking, pulling Keith down for a long hard kiss before Keith span them around, pushing Bryan against the wall with his weight. Their groins pushed together, their kisses growing needy, hands scrambling beneath clothing desperate for the feel of skin. Bryan broke the kiss with a growl. "You're mine," he declared. "10 years." He claimed Keith's mouth in another brutal kiss, sucking hard on his lower lip. "10 years," he repeated. "I'd hate her if I could."
"Don't talk about her," Keith begged. "This is about us. You and me. Not her."
Bryan started to agree, but broke off into a low drawn-out cry as Keith's hands slipped beneath his jeans, wrapping around his erection. He bucked hard against Keith, clutching at his arms as he came. Panting he pulled Keith even closer, kissing him hard enough to bruise his lips.
Keith pulled back long enough to gasp out, "Bed," before pulling Bryan there. He pushed Bryan backwards, straddling his hips, as he unbuttoned the white shirt, dropping it to the floor. He made short work of stripping Bryan of his jeans and underwear, depositing them on the floor in the same fashion. He sat back and ran his eyes over Bryan's naked form, his fingers tracing the lines of the muscles. His thumbs teased Bryan's nipples, chuckling as they hardened beneath his ministrations. Arching his back, Bryan's eyes slid closed, his breath coming in short sharp gasps. Keith's fingers explored Bryan's body, re-familiarizing himself with his lover's skin.
Bryan blindly clutched at Keith, trying to pull his clothing off, but Keith stopped him, holding his wrists to the bed. "This is for me, Bryan. Let me touch you, feel you, pleasure you."
Any reply Bryan might have had was lost as Keith swallowed his soft penis, tongue flickering out and teasing. Bryan felt himself growing hard again, panting Keith's name over and over. Keith stroked his fingers down the 'V' of Bryan's legs, holding his hips down as Bryan started to buck up against him.
Bryan cried out at the loss of movement, hands gripping the sheets. He was so turned on it hurt; he needed to touch, needed to feel. He could hear himself babbling nonsensically, moaning and begging Keith, who laughed, the vibrations running through Bryan's cock. Bryan cried out wordlessly, waves of pleasure washing over his body, his breathing growing fast and erratic.
Bryan's whimper of loss as Keith pulled away soon turned into a moan as Keith's tongue swirled around the head of his erection, lapping at the moisture pooled there. He shared the fluid with Bryan in an open-mouthed kiss.
Bryan pulled himself upwards, hands bunching in the material of Keith's t-shirt, pulling it over his head. "Love you," he gasped, chest heaving, with the force of his breaths. Hands shaking, he struggled to unzip Keith's jeans. Smiling, Keith covered Bryan's hands with his own, steadying him.
Bryan pulled Keith against him, rolling them over so that Bryan was straddling Keith. He lay over Keith's body, skin on skin, kissing him as their erections rubbed together, rocking against each other, desperate for release. Bryan slipped a hand in between their bodies, gripping both their cocks tightly, stroking and pumping. Keith bucked so hard against Bryan that he nearly threw him off the bed.
"Bryan, no." Keith pleaded with the singer. "I want to come inside you." Bryan's breath caught in his chest at Keith's words, and he rolled off Keith, preparing to go to all fours, but Keith pulled him back. "Not like that. I want to see you." They kissed again, tongues dueling and tasting, as Bryan lay on his back, pulling his legs up, hands grasping the backs of his knees. Two pairs of eyes dilated in passion locked together as Keith slowly slid into Bryan's body, igniting the nerve endings there.
It didn't take long for Keith's own orgasm to take him over, shaking his body from head to foot. Gasping for breath, he laid his head on Bryan's chest as the singer relaxed, his arms going around Keith. They lay like that until Keith caught his breath, raising his head, and smiled at Bryan. Bryan returned the smile and their lips met in another kiss, but this one was slow and gentle. Slowly sliding out of Bryan, Keith reached down the bed and grabbed the sheet, pulling it around them.
He curled around Bryan, and they both lay there in contented silence. Bryan's breathing leveled out as he fell asleep and Keith smiled, simply listening to his lover. He'd worry about all the complications tomorrow would bring when they happened, but for now he was where he belonged, with Bryan in his arms