The Distance Is Only An Obstacle
Summer feels really guilty. (No she doesn't.) Maybe she's a bad person, because probably she wouldn't feel guilty if she hadn't felt so upset that Coop had been keeping secrets. (She knows she isn't.) Maybe it's not that she feels guilty. There is totally another word for how she feels, but she doesn't know what it is. Because it's not like she'd take it back or give it up just to make Coop feel better. Just to make herself feel better? Oh, and what about Seth and Zack - they would feel better too, but Seth would never feel better until he was less like Seth and more like Ryan. Maybe Seth would feel better if Seth (wasn't a complete dick who ran away) had been the one sneaking away to Chino to fuck Ryan on the bed he shared with Theresa and then sit around and watch reruns of CSI and Buffy the Vampire Slayer so that when Theresa got home (Summer's thighs were still sticky) she didn't suspect anything.
Ryan and Summer sat perfectly still on opposite ends of the couch and stared silently at the television. Summer never clocked so many hours in front of the television in her entire life, except for the one time when there was the marathon of The Valley that she and Coop watched. That was way a long time ago, before Seth and Ryan, before Luke cheated on Marissa, before everything.
But Theresa liked to talk about the shows they watched. Theresa liked to analyze the crimes and try to figure them out. She liked to cheer for Buffy during fight scenes. She liked to say things like, "I think Faith and Xander would have made an awesome couple if Faith could have just stayed with him - don't you agree? They would have been perfect for each other," and "Don't you think that something strange is happening between Nick and Greg? There's like tension or something," and she rubbed her belly and Ryan rubbed her feet and Summer squeezed the muscles around her bladder and rushed to the bathroom (to masturbate). If Theresa noticed that sometimes (the bedroom smelled like sweat and sex) Summer let the water run long, she never mentioned it. Anyway, Buffy was annoying. She kind of reminded Summer of Marissa (without the flask of vodka).
Summer had totally been feeling guilty over the summer (for real, but she then stopped), because Coop never asked where she was, ever - but obviously that was because Coop was a little busy herself. Which Summer doesn't begrudge her, because god knows Coop needed to get it on with someone nasty (or just... someone). Ryan was so not nasty. He was not nastier than Seth, which was hard, since Seth was never nasty. (Seth wasn't good enough at sex to be nasty.) Seth thought doing it with her on top was naughty and crazy - Ryan thought kissing while fucking was naughty and crazy. (He was a good kisser, though.)
She kind of pities (herself) Theresa, because how could she not? Theresa's stuck with Ryan forever, because Ryan is so not nasty - so not nasty that he would take the responsibility for someone else's baby. It has to be someone else's baby, because Theresa's birth control prescription is dated the month before she came back to Newport and Ryan's always careful to use a condom. But it wouldn't occur to Ryan to go through Theresa's medicine cabinet and put two and two together to get four, because why would she lie? (Is she lying?)
It's not Summer's business. (Everything is Summer's business.) But now Ryan has a job and Theresa doesn't and school is about to start, so Summer's never going back there. She does, though. She goes tonight.(This time last year she never would have gone to Chino, much less by herself at night. This time three months ago she never would have gone to Chino by herself at night. She is so different.) (Is that bad?) She stands outside his window and smokes cigarette after cigarette. School is going to start. (School is going to suck.) Zack is nice enough, and he's totally bringing up Summer's social stock... but. (But he's boring.) But he's just not what Summer wants.
When Ryan comes outside, Summer passes him her cigarette. (It's like they are kissing without touching.) He takes a long drag and squints at her. She leans against the side of the house and studies him. (He looks tired.) She wants to ask how his new job is going (it sounded hard when he told her about it last week) and she wants to ask how the baby is doing inside Theresa (but it's kind of gross to think of someone floating inside Theresa's stomach).
She opens her mouth (even though she isn't sure what she's going to say) but Ryan throws down the cigarette and steps forward before she can say anything, and he pushes her hard against the wall. She gasps a little. (Her stomach is, like, in her throat or something - what the fuck is he doing?) He kisses her hard and rough and her lips feel bruised when he steps away.
"I'm going to Portland," he says.
"Portland?" she says. (Oh, God, yet another boy she's slept with is going to Portland. They're going to start a club or something up there.)
"To bring Seth home." Ryan stares down at the ground. Summer takes a deep breath. (What is she supposed to say?)
"What am I supposed to say?" she asks.
"I don't know," says Ryan. He takes a step forward. He is so in her personal space. (She's definitely vibrating on a frequency she's never reached before.)
"Okay," she says. (It's not.) She steps forward, and slides a hand over his shoulder. One of his arms goes around her waist. They press together and she takes a deep breath and he takes a deep breath and then they press their mouths together and breathe into each other. She breathes Seth into him. He breathes Seth into her. (It's sick.) (She can't help herself.) (Secretly this is all about Ryan.)
She wonders if this is all about her for Ryan, but maybe it's about Seth and Theresa and Marissa and Summer is just there. What would she say to Coop? To Zack? Seth is so out of the picture. Seth is so out of the picture. (Seth is always there.)
Ryan's body is hard and warmer than the air around them and Summer feels like she's going to bust out of her skin. This is what they make waterproof eyeliner for. She digs her nails into Ryan's neck and his tongue sweeps through her mouth and over her teeth and he sucks on her tongue and bites her lips. She bites back.
Ryan groans; she reaches down and unzips his jeans, tucks her hand inside. He's hard, and sweating, and jerking into her hand. (His forehead presses against her neck and shoulder and his skin sticks to hers.) One of his hands slides up her side and under her skirt. She's not wearing panties (on purpose) and the anticipation, the waiting for his fingers between her legs, makes her knees shaky. She has to lean harder on Ryan, squeezes harder, moves her hand faster. One finger inside her, two, three; her leg wraps itself around his waist (without her permission; she doesn't like feeling this out of control in someone's backyard) and she jerks against him.
Summer squeezes all her muscles and tries to (get back into control) come faster. She wants to (get on her knees in the grass and dirt) do this properly (open her mouth) and really (feel Ryan against her) have an intense orgasm. But Ryan's coming over her fingers and against her skirt (at least it's not her favorite one) and shaking - no, she's shaking. That's her moaning. That's her face buried in his neck, her nails in his skin, her sweat pasting them together.
She draws in deep breaths and tries not to let her hips move against his hand, but they do, and he works another finger into her. She's still holding (his cock) him, rubbing (semen, ew) come into the skin and breathing in his scent. (This is so why they made waterproof mascara). The arm that was holding her shoulders that she didn't even notice moves down and lifts her up, and her hands move, and Ryan's got his whole hand inside her, and he's holding her to the wall with that fist (oh, God, it's like a porno or something, totally skeezy and yet really hot), and she's shuddering around him. Can he feel her moving inside? (That's kind of gross.)
Her fingers are clutching his arms, sliding against his skin because she's got come on one hand; she's biting her lip and then his skin: salt, sour, sweet, spicy. He's talking in her ear, low, whispering almost. (At least he's not saying someone else's name.) (Not like Seth ever did that, but.) (But.)
She's coming again, it's like a long wave, she can feel his cock against her thighs, his fist prodding her uterus or something (so gross, so gross, but so hot, oh, God) and one of her shoes falls off and she's wet wet wet, sweaty, can't breathe, her hair all over the place. Ryan smells like chocolate and chicken and cilantro. Her head falls back, heavy, and hits the side of the house.
"I'm going to bring Seth back," Ryan says. She hears him so clearly even though everything else is a blur. She forces her eyes open and stares at the sky. (The stars look different in Chino.) "Seth is coming back."
(Okay, he is saying someone else's name.)
(At least it's not Theresa's.)
"Harder," says Summer, and thrusts her hips onto him. "Faster."
He obliges her, and she digs her fingernails in harder. His face is in her cleavage and he's chanting into her breasts and the moon is full and a little yellow with a rim around it (a halo) and everything is (glowing) becoming clearer.
Ryan comes again, against her thighs, pushing into her. She feels like jello, all wobbly. He clears his throat as she looks down at herself. She's totally covered in come and sweat and it's (amazing) disgusting. She (loves it) hates it. She's (conflicted) ready to go home, but she doesn't want to (leave Ryan) get in the car like this.
He steps back. She steps forward and slings her arms around his neck, presses her mouth to his. There's liquid on his mouth that doesn't taste like sweat (she knows what his sweat tastes like). When she pulls back and looks at him, she realizes he was crying. There are tracks through the sweat on his face.
"Go get Seth," she says. "If you must."
"I must," he says. She rolls her eyes. Stupid boys.
"Stupid boys," she says. He laughs. She doesn't. (It's not funny.) (Stupid boys.)