Harmonic Relationships
She lied in her bed and counted.
She'd played this game too many times. She knew how it worked.
Two hundred seventy-eight, two hundred seventy-nine...
She lost count. "Shit," she muttered, except that she didn't, because she's on a daytime show and she's not a Very Special Doctor dying from a Very Special Brain Tumor.
Oh, well. It was close enough. She got out of bed and walked into the hall.
"I knew it!" she exclaimed.
She was face-to-face with her cousin.
No. Not her cousin. The zombie who was made to look like her cousin.
The zombie who wanted to have sex with Miguel.
The zombie who would sleep with the hunk who should rightfully be her boyfriend, and end the world.
Sometimes, living in Harmony sucked.
"Why are you up?"
"I was going to see Miguel." The zombie was so sweet that she gave Kay cavities.
"Miguel is not yours to see."
"Miguel is my boyfriend."
"He's not your boyfriend. He's Charity's boyfriend... and not for long." Kay's hands fell to her hips. "He doesn't really love her."
"He loves me." The zombie smiled. "And he's going to have sex with me. Tonight. And then it's bye-bye world, hello evil."
"You're psychotic."
"It's how I was created." She giggled.
"You're a zombie intent on destruction of the world!"
"If the shoe fits..." The zombie examined Kay thoughtfully. "I don't see why you don't want to join me, at least for some of this. Don't tell me you don't want Tabitha to suffer, after she had your soul for so long."
"Maybe, but I don't want to kill her!"
"Or that brat nephew she has, or whatever?"
"He's a doll," Kay muttered.
"He's got a pulse."
"Tabitha's a witch."
"Don't speak ill of the neighbors," the zombie teased.
"Don't try to kill them, then," Kay heard herself say.
Wow. Maybe that whole "soul" thing was working.
"You're just jealous that you won't be able to fuck Miguel before the world ends." The zombie who looked like Charity laughed. "Even if I wasn't here, he still wouldn't sleep with you."
"If it weren't for you, he would have already slept with me. I'm sure of it. And it wouldn't be fucking. It would be-" she swallowed and repeated the words Miguel's older sister had said so many times- "It would be making love." She tried to pretend that the phrase didn't make her vomit.
The zombie rolled her eyes. "It would be sex. And, honestly, bad sex. What's the point in stripping the boy of his virginity if he's not enjoying it? If he's going to die anyway, his first time might as well be decent?"
"Oh, but it'll be fine for you?"
"I was created for this. Were it not for me, your bitch of a cousin would be thawed out and playing Sarah McLaughlin while she and the Lopez-Fitzgerald boy cuddled."
They all heard noise from the other bedroom, and both of them jumped despite themselves. "What was that?" Kay whispered.
"Your mother. I bet it would be great for her to catch you here. Up in the middle of the night, still in jeans, annoying your perfect cousin..." The zombie laughed and began to sing, loudly, off-key- for she's a jolly good zombie.
"Shut up, Charity," Kay said nervously. "You're going to wake Mom."
"So what if I did?"
"Charity, stop it."
"What's wrong, Kay? You were soulless for a year. You should be a fan of causing mayhem."
"That was only to get Miguel. I got it back, anyway."
"Yeah, that really worked like a charm." The zombie laughed. "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer..."
"Charity!" Frustrated, Kay spun and pinned the zombie of her cousin to the wall. "Shut up."
"Make me."
Kay's hand reached up to slap her hand over the zombie's mouth, but it was knocked away almost before it touched skin.
So Kay did the only thing she could think of.
She kissed her.
It took a moment to realize what she had just done, and as soon as she had, she pulled back, even letting go of the girl's arms.
"Oh my god. I can't believe I just did that."
"Shut me up, didn't it?" the zombie smirked.
"I'm- you're my cousin, okay? This is sick. This is wrong."
"You're Charity's cousin," she corrected. "You're my creator."
"That was- that was, like, a huge mistake, okay?"
"But you made it." The zombie smiled up at her. "Come on, Kay. Before the real me thaws out- what would you like, Master?"
"I want you to leave Miguel alone!"
"What do you really want?"
Kay backed away. "I'm straight, okay? And you're not human. This is creepy."
"What do you mean, straight? Please. We both know you're jealous of Miguel and Charity, and we both know that it's not Miguel's pants you want to get into."
"That's... you're nuts. You're a zombie, and you're nuts."
"You could have made me with nuts. You could have made me anything. This is Harmony. A nightengale could have come between Charity and me. You could have made me Miguel, so that Charity would break up with him. But you didn't. Look at me, Kay."
Kay looked.
"You made me look like this. And you would have just kept me for yourself if you didn't think people would notice two Charities walking around."
"It's Harmony. They probably wouldn't."
"Fess up, little girl. You want me. I'm a step away from a sexbot and you want to ride like it's the Kentucky fucking derby."
"I would not make a sexbot. This isn't Buffy, and I'm not Spike."
"Well, that's obvious. If you were, you might pass for straight."
"Go to hell."
"It's the final destination on my schedule, but I'm not due for a while. Come on, want to give me a test drive?"
"I can't believe we're even having this conversation."
"I can't believe we haven't had it yet."
"Charity, this is incestuous."
"I'm not human, so we don't share any blood, so clearly, not so much."
"Charity. I'm not going to have sex with you. I'm saving myself for Miguel."
"Kay." She smiled, but the smile was false, and somewhat disturbing, as both parties knew that she was a murderous little bitch.
That was what made life pleasant in Harmony.
"Yes?" Kay asked almost hesitantly.
"If you don't do things with me, I'm going to go downstairs right now and do things with Miguel. And after I do some things with him, I do other things. And those other things will leave you with a dead boy who never really loved you."
"You're not funny."
"Who's joking?"
"So either I... with you, or Miguel... ew! I thought you were nasty when you were all sweet and good and pure, but this is so worse. This is what people do in prison."
"No, in prison you'd be my bitch."
"You're a very disturbing person to spend time with."
"What's it going to be, Kay? Your-" she searched for the word before grinning broadly- "your flower, or Miguel's soul?"
"You know, in normal towns, things like this this never come up in casual conversation."
"Harmony's never been normal. And neither have you, Kay."
"You know, I'll... I'll cry rape. I'll tell everyone about this. I'll tell Mom, I'll tell Dad, I'll tell Miguel, I'll- I'll tell Ethan. He's my half brother. I'll tell Tabitha-"
"What, that a zombie of your perfect innocent cousin wanted to fuck you? Please, Kay. Your parents won't believe you, Ethan's off trying to save Miguel's sister from getting fried, and your darling Miguel will think you're just jealous." She leered. "Or maybe he won't, and we could have a threesome."
Kay glared at the zombie, but she couldn't stop herself from at least looking. Her eyes travelled down the lacy white pyjamas, taking in her cousin's figure.
She was pretty cute.
Evil, but cute.
"Fine. But we're not making a nightly thing of it."
The zombie laughed. "Whatever, Kay."
"And you're not killing Miguel tonight."
"Well, I guess you'll have to keep me occupied, then, won't you?" She smiled. "Come on, Kay... and I mean that in all senses of the word."
The zombie went into Kay's bedroom. Kay followed her, still not quite sure if this was reality, a dream, or a nightmare.