Counseling File #2463A
Student #00686981
Jacoby Myers
Transcript 12/9/02
Hello. Jacoby, right?
I don't want to be here.
I know. I'm here to offer my help, but I can't force you to take it.
[silence]
Duration .25 hours
Student #00686981
Jacoby Myers
Transcript 12/10/02
Hello again.
Why am I here?
Your teachers think you need counseling. I'm the counselor. Funny how that works, isn't it?
Funny. Sure.
You want to talk about it?
Talk about what?
About it. Whatever it is.
Stop fucking with me.
Stop wasting my time.
Fair enough.
No, you don't get to leave. I can't force you to talk to me, but I can force you to stay in here.
I don't like you.
Get over it. I'm here to help, and I'm damn well going to, even if it means sitting still and being totally silent for twenty minutes.
[silence]
Duration .3 hours
Student #00686981
Jacoby Myers
Transcript 12/11/02
Hello again. Chocolate?
No thanks. I'm allergic.
Very well.
How many times are you gonna call me in here?
That's easy. As many times as it takes.
As what takes?
As your Problem takes.
Right.
[silence]
What problem?
The Problem. We've all got some, but sometimes they're worth the capital P.
This is a waste of time.
I agree. Nevertheless, I intend to stay until it becomes worth both our time.
You want to know what my Problem is.
That's right.
I'm boring. I'm tired and boring and lazy, my poetry stinks, my writing's horrific, my razor wit constantly gets me in trouble.
Sounds like you've-
I'm not done yet. I'm too short, my taste in clothing is nonexistent, I read bad books and watch horrible movies, I never know what the date is, I hate chocolate, I'm intolerant, rude, arrogant, and tedious.
Well, I-
My drawings are tasteless, my jokes are weak, my math skills are nonexistent, I'm addicted to the Internet, I laugh in cemeteries and swear in churches. I've got all sorts of bad qualities.
[silence]
And?
And I'm sick of having my sexuality considered a quality.
[silence]
I don't follow.
I don't like girls. That way.
Ok.
And I'm fucking tired of having everyone who knows that act like it's some huge, fundamental difference.
I think I understand. Being gay is what your friends think of as your bad side, and you don't think it's bad?
Don't be intractable. I'm sick of them seeing it as a side at all.
Um.
Look, I just told you all of my bad qualities. You know what I find grating, most of all? Ever since I came out, all of my good sides are ignored by the people who disapprove, and all of my bad sides are ignored by the people who approve. I'm fucking tired of being the hallmark of mediocrity because no one wants to look queer-friendly, and I'm fucking tired of being the hallmark of perfection because no one wants to look homophobic.
[silence]
I'm gay, all right? But I'm not just gay.
I think I understand, now.
[silence]
It's not an easy problem. I can't say I know what you're going through... but I do think I see where you're coming from.
I'm all talked out today, Ms. Summers. May I go back to class?
Yes. I'll see you tomorrow, Jacoby.
All right.
Duration .5 hours
Notes: I've asked a friend of mine, Willow Rosenberg, to sit in on the next session. I think she might understand Jacoby's problem better, being a homosexual herself. I can't shake the feeling that Jacoby's problem has to do with the way that straight people see him, and I suspect that any input I may have on the subject will be limited by my lack of experience with actually being homosexual.
Student #00686981 Jacoby Myers Transcript 12/12/02
Who're you? Where's Ms. Summers?
I'm Willow. Buffy asked me to sit in today. She's feeling under the weather.
I don't think I want to talk to you.
I don't know what you talked to her about, but I have a pretty good guess. I don't think it's likely to be about Wicca, so there's really only one other thing I think she remembers about me.
You're a lesbian, aren't you.
Yes, that's right.
Then I think you might understand. Ms. Summers is straight. I don't think she's having an easy time turning gayness into a minor attribute.
I think you're right.
I talked last time. It's someone else's turn.
Fair enough.
[silence]
Well, I dated a guy for a while in high school. I loved him, you know? It's not the same kind of love, but it was love all right. Well, that ended... badly. About a third of the way through my freshmen year at college. It was only after he was gone that I started to notice girls, you know? Once I had, there was no going back. I fell in love.
[silence]
If this is a painful subject...
No, it's all right. It's just... well, that relationship ended violently. I wouldn't wish... that... on my worst enemy. But that's really not relevant so much.
[silence]
I... well, as soon as I told Buffy about it, she started acting different around me. She's my best friend, and she tries, but there's something about it that just didn't click with her. It wasn't good, seeing her and my other friends trying to accept it. They were very respectful about it, of course; they didn't treat me badly, or try to "cure" me, or anything. They just... acted differently. Like, instead of Willow the Red-Haired Wicca Computer Hacker Nerd, I'd just become Willow the Lesbian. Like it'd become the sum total of the definition of Willow.
They act like you're someone completely different because you're different in one way.
Yeah.
[silence]
The thing about people, Jacoby, is that it's all or nothing. I've never met anyone who saw gay people as personalities before sexualities. Entirely too many think we're all abominations, that we're all deviants, that we're all... demons. The rest of them think we're all good people. One side avoids thinking about the good queers, the other side strives to ignore the bad. It's kind of painful, either way. I've met precious few people who see a person they know is gay and are totally unaffected by it. Have you met Buffy's sister, Dawn? She's extremely unusual. She'll like or dislike you because of who you are, not what you are.
I'll look her up.
[silence]
You know, I think that's the problem with people in general.
What is?
Once they find out something about you they don't understand, they avoid it. Most of the time they try to pretend they're unaffected by it. I've heard dozens of people making fun of drag queens, for example, because they're transvestites. And I've heard dozens of people tell them off for being 'phobes. I've never once heard any straight person of either gender point at a queen and say "Whoa, that's a tasteless dress. Red would suit his complexion much better."
Heh heh.
Seriously. It's really kind of annoying.
Kind of? From what little Buffy told me, you've been getting into all sorts of trouble in class from being kind of annoyed. I quake with fear to see you fully annoyed.
Heh. I like you, Willow.
[silence]
May I ask you a personal question?
Absolutely. I won't promise to answer it, though.
Does she still see you as Willow the Lesbian?
[silence]
There's a loaded question.
[silence]
I think she does. The mag- Wiccan and Nerd parts of my personality appear to be making a comeback, though. I think she's only just beginning to digest it, to be honest. I have a friend who keeps forgetting about the gay thing. He's a great guy. Heh. You know, I think that just might be the best reaction to it I've heard of from around here. It shows that it doesn't matter at all to him, and that he likes you exactly the same no matter what your preference is. I don't know. It's the best reaction I've gotten so far, that's for sure.
Do you mind if I point out something? It might be a little hard to swallow. I'll struggle to chew first.
Heh.
[silence]
I was just thinking that we've spent a great deal of time discussing the way other people treat homosexuality. It seems kind of ironic, because our big complaint centered around its being an issue at all.
Yeah. And...?
Well, I think it says something about our own psychology that neither one of us mentioned anything totally unrelated to sexuality.
Huh.
[silence]
Thank you, Willow. You've given me a lot to chew on.
I could say the same for you, Jacoby.
Call me Jake.
All right. Jake.
Duration 1 hour
Notes: Willow deserves a medal.
Student #00686981
Jacoby Myers
Transcript 12/13/02
Hello, Ms. Summers.
Hi, Jacoby. It occurs to me that I haven't asked a question I should have.
Yes?
Do you know any other gay people?
[silence]
Well, I know Willow. Now.
All right, I have a suggestion for you. There's an organization run out of the college for gay teens. I think it'll do you a world of good to have contact with other gay teens. Here, take a flyer. They meet on Tuesdays, I believe.
Thanks, Ms. Summers.
My pleasure, Jacoby.
Should I come back on Monday?
Only if you think you need to.
All right. Thanks again, Ms. Summers.
Now, go on, get out. I've got to burn our meeting records and hide them in that massive filing cabinet.
Heh.
Duration .18 hours
Notes: All logs of sessions with Jacoby to date have been sealed.