Pink Triangle
"If everyone's a little queer, Can't she be a little straight?"
With Buffy, there's no spark. He can tell sometimes that when she looks at him, she wishes she could love him. He used to wish the same thing. When he was younger and stupider, he would've made a crack about how he'd need fangs to make time with her. But now, he just realizes it's not meant to be. They might finally get together one day, and share chaste kisses and a bed big enough so they never touch. But for now, Xander sees that there is no spark.
Anya says he just wants what he can't have. She said it one day in the middle of a huge fight. He had forgotten that they had lunch together and instead he had gone to a movie with Willow. When Xander walked into his apartment, Anya was there red-eyed and sobbing. She told him that Willow would never be his orgasm friend, that Willow already has an orgasm friend that was a girl, and that she only likes female orgasm friends.
Anya left him and Buffy started fucking Spike. Willow stayed just Willow.
Good Willow.
Sweet Willow.
Pretty Willow.
Perfect Willow.
His ideal, his dream, and his conundrum. Straight and in love with a lesbian, Jerry Springer would run wild with that topic.
Anya had even accused him of it, before he had realized it himself. It was another fight. Xander had started yelling at Anya because she had screwed up some little aspect of dinner. Anya started crying, "I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, I am not Willow."
Xander held her and told her how much he loved her. But, it was so true it hurt Xander's heart.
Sometimes, Willow smiles at him and he can remember the old days. She loved him then, and he loved everyone but her.
Does love ever fade?
Was Tara a fluke?
He wished that Larry's insult from sixth grade had been true. "Xander has a vagina! Xander has a vagina!"
Willow had found him hiding in a janitor's closet, and skipped her first class ever to make sure he felt better.
Sometimes he wishes that he had just dated Willow to begin with. Skipped the Cordelia fiasco and went right to Willow smooches.
If he had, would she still like girls?
Would it of hurt more to have Willow and then lose her if she had realized that she was gay while dating him?
Willow hasn't dated since Tara died, and Xander hasn't tried anything since Cordelia and Oz caught them together.
If he kissed her, would she stop him?