37 Ways To Snowball
Walt looked down at his bare chest. He adjusted the neon-pink Sno-Balls on his nipples again and looked up at Steve-Dave. "I, uh, don't think this is what they meant by snowballing, Steve-Dave."
"Shut the fuck up, Walt. Of course this is what they meant."
Bartleby rolled the ice around in his mouth with his tongue. He nodded at Loki, which was the agreed upon sign. Loki opened wide and Bartleby spit the ice into his mouth.
Bartleby rolled his head around. "I dunno. This snowballing isn't very fun."
Silent Bob watched as Jay smushed together a snowball with his hands. "Here, hold this," Jay commanded.
Bob took the snowball and then his eyes grew wide as Jay undid the snap on his pants and slid them down to his ankles. "Gimme the snowball, m'man."
Silent Bob looked at Jay, and his look said, "I don't think this is what snowballing is about."
Jay glared at Bob. "Who cares what the fuck you think? Gimme that!" he snarled as he snatched the snowball from Silent Bob's hand.
Bob couldn't believe his eyes as Jay slammed the snowball into his crotch. "YEEEOWWWCH!" he screamed. "I'm gonna kill the motherfucker who came up with this snowballin' shit!"
Silent Bob could do nothing but laugh.
Brodie stifled a laugh as T.S. walked into the room.
T.S. tore the hat off of his head and threw it to the floor.
Brodie shrugged. "What can I say? I told you, dressing like Frosty the Snowman during sex isn't snowballing."
Christ, Dante thought. He couldn't believe he was learning how to do it from someone so creepy.
"Are you payin' attention, man? 'Cause if you're not, I'll just go."
"N-no. I'm paying attention. Please, continue."
Jesus, Dante thought. Randal really better appreciate this snowballing shit.
Hooper waved a finger at Banky. "Uh-uh. I don't care what you heard, baked treats will never touch my crotch."
Banky seethed. "But this snowballing thing is supposed to be really enjoyable!"
"For who?"
Holden stared at Banky in disbelief. "You want the next villain in Bluntman & Chronic to be the what?"
"The Snowballer!"
Randal wasn't sure he'd heard Dante right. So he asked him to explain it again. "You're sure you've got all the details?"
"Yeah. I told you, it's simple. Look, I'll do it to you the first time."
Randal shrugged. If Dante wanted to do it, then by all means, he could do the part with all the work.
Alyssa smacked Hooper on the back of his head. "What?"
She pointed to an area on his snowman.
"Look, miss thing. My snowman is anatomically correct. In every. Way. And that includes snowballs."
Gwen licked her snowcone provocatively as she and Brandi strolled through the mall. "Look, I'm telling you. Some guys love it, and some guys don't."
Brandi wasn't so sure. In fact, the whole idea of snowballing made her a little nauseous.
Sissy, Missy and Crissy looked at each other. If Justice wanted to be part of their gang, then she had to pass initiation. And that meant knowing what their version of snowballing was.
They watched as Justice bounced towards them. She was holding an ice chest. Justice opened it and the sun sparkled off the snow inside.
The three thieves looked at each other and smiled in satisfaction. "I'll take that," said Missy as she took the chest from Justice.
Now they would find out if she could handle the second part of initiation...
Kevin looked at Scott. "Snow-what?"
"Snowballing."
"I-I can't believe someone would try such a thing!"
"Geez, Kev. It's not that big a deal."
Alyssa looked around at her female friends. "You're kidding!" "He actually asked you to!" "What a sick fuck!"
Those were just some of the reactions she got when she told them about Holden asking her to snowball with him.
Brodie looked at Walt and Steve-Dave. Had he heard them right? "Say it again."
"If you unban us, Walt will suck your dick." Steve-Dave shoved Walt to his knees.
"Ow!"
"Shut up, Walt!"
Brodie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Okay, deal. But no snowballing."
Willem smiled as he walked around the QuickStop. "They say that pool girl's last word was 'Snowball.'"
Brodie looked up at Renee. They were doing it on snow. Okay, it was fake snow.
He wondered if that could be considered snowballing.
Willem looked at the Magic Eye picture. All this time, and it wasn't a fucking sailboat. It was a goddamn snowball. "Dammit!" he swore as he kicked the easel.
Trish made a note. Not a single participant in her survey had known what snowballing meant. It was fascinating how certain sexual activities never spread beyond the town of their origins while others did.
Silent Bob concentrated on Jay's head as it bobbed up and down. Bob was pretty sure this wasn't covered under proper use of the Force, but he was sure Lucas would understand. Silent Bob even attempted to concentrate as he came, which wasn't easy. But it didn't work. Jay just spit it out into a tissue. "What the fuck? Why do you look so disappointed you tubby bitch? Didn't I just give you the best blowjob of your life?"
Bob just couldn't bring himself to tell Jay that he had hoped they would snowball.
Matt pulled away from Ben's kiss. "What the fuck was that?" he said as he spat on the ground.
"Snowballing, bitch," Ben replied with a smirk.
Banky looked from Hooper to Holden. "You let him?" Hooper nodded. Banky looked at Holden, "And you let him?"
Holden nodded.
"That's disgusting!"
"Regardless of what you may have heard," Banky told Willenholly, "I do not kiss guys."
"That's fine. Whatever you do in your own bedroom is your business."
"Nor do I snowball."
Bethany listened to Serendipity, but she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So, I gave him the idea and that was that."
"You mean you were responsible for giving someone the idea to try snowballing?"
Serendipity nodded proudly. It was better than being associated with that "Home Alone".
Jason Biggs looked at Kevin. "So, what's it like being known as the man who gave snowballing to the world?"
Kevin took a drag from his cigarette. "You tell me, pie-fucker," he said as he exhaled.
Rufus shook his head. Damn, the living did some crazy shit. Snowballing. He'd seen it plenty of times, but damn, he still couldn't believe it.
Holden sighed. Nights like this did make him wish he was still dating a lesbian. Except for that night when she had wanted to try snowballing. He still found it hard to believe her kid sister had told her about it.
Shannon groaned. He'd expected a lot of terrible things once he'd arrived in prison, but being forced to snowball everyone on the cellblock? He reached for the mouthwash and cursed the day he'd ever met Trish the dish.
Ben couldn't believe what Kevin had said. "You're kidding, right?"
"Nah. I mean, you have seen Clerks."
"Well, yeah. It's a great movie. And I thought you made up that thing about snowballing."
"Nope. And if you want a role, you're gonna have to do some yourself."
Azrael sighed with relief as he settled down on the giant snowball he'd had smuggled in. Sure, it would melt soon and be gone, but as long as it lasted, he would enjoy it.
Chaka glared at his new production assistant. He just knew that cracker had put something in his coffee. He wouldn't put it past that cracker to have put some snowballs in it, or some shit like that.
The employees of Mooby's looked at one another. They'd sold all sorts of shit with strange names in the past before, but they didn't think they'd ever be able to sell a dessert called "Snowballs". Especially with the slogan, "Like mom used to make."
George smiled at Steven. "What do you say? Shall we try it?"
Steven looked taken aback. "Um, I don't know..."
"Aw, c'mon. I'll let you play with some ILM toys that won't be made public for another ten years if you do."
Steven threw his hands up and gave in. He also cursed the day Kevin Smith made Clerks.
Two hands reached out for the last Sno-Ball on the craft services table at the same time. "Hey!" two surprisingly similar voices called out in surprise as they touched each other instead of the Sno-Ball. For Brodie, it was like looking in a mirror. If he had a beard. For Banky, it was like looking at a younger version of himself. Fuck, he'd been so innocent and eager then.
"Hi, I'm Banky. I'm one of your guests tonight. I guess... We haven't been properly introduced."
Jay looked at Justice, surprised. "What the hell was that, BooBooKittyFuck?"
"Relax. It's just a little something I learned in prison. Snowballing." She smiled her best perky smile as she said it.
Shannon slammed Brodie into Mr. Snowcone's section of the food court. "Ow, fucker!"
Shannon smirked. "Hey, I'm just showin' you my version of snowballing." He kicked Brodie in the gut and left.
Kevin smiled to himself as he watched Ben and Jen talking to each other. If there was always room for J. Lo, surely there was room for snowballing in their relationship too.
Metatron looked at God in astonishment. She knew everything, and that had to include "snowballing".
But if that was the case, then why was She so amused at the moment? Metatron didn't think there was anything funny about it.