The First Night At Sea
Seth Cohen is lying pale and naked on Summer Roberts' 600 thread-count eggplant colored sheets. Still a little bit flushed from his orgasm, he's coloring even more from the wave of embarrassment that's washing over him. He's never felt so awkward, and he suspects Summer feels the same way, too.
The silence between them stretches like Plastic Man reaching between buildings. Seth doesn't know what to say, though he's pretty sure comparing their post coital non-bliss to a comic book character isn't the way to go. Summer may have dressed up like Wonder Woman for him, but even her dork tolerance must have its limits. Besides, it just makes him think of Anna, and that's the second to last complication he needs right now.
No, what he should do is reassure her. Tell her how amazing it was (except it wasn't). How wonderful she is, which is true, even if he's not feeling it so much anymore, and is mostly running on the memory of how he used to feel. Before Ryan. Back when his crush on Summer was as solid and substantial as the boat he'd named after her. Now he knows that it's his hard work that keeps the Summer Breeze from capsizing. The knots he ties, and the way he positions himself is all he's got to keep the flimsy thing from breaking apart in the wind.
"So. That was sex," What the hell did that even mean? Seth pictured Ryan in the same situation, which wasn't at all a good idea, because it's not a big stretch imagining it was Ryan lying next to him instead. They've messed around, hands and mouths, but nothing as serious as what he and Summer just did.
That would be scary, but not nearly as much as admitting, even to yourself, that the thing you've thought you've wanted for as long as you could want isn't what you wanted at all.
Ryan would know just what to say, Seth is sure; or more likely he would know not to say anything. Ryan doesn't feel like he has to fill all the spaces with words. He is the king of meaningful silences. He would probably just smolder, maybe pass Marissa a cigarette -- after lighting it with his own, like that scene in the black and white movie his mom likes so much - then just lie there looking sexy.
Not that Ryan had any trouble with that last part, even without Marissa. Especially without Marissa. And really, Marissa probably shouldn't be smoking. She's got enough bad habits as it is, and the smoke would probably just waft out of the holes her shoulder blades poked through her skin.
"Yup." Summer's response was matter of fact. Seth waited for her to say more. To lie to him, tell him it was good. Tell him it sucked. Because he can't quite figure out how it was for her, either. She didn't seem to respond with much enthusiasm. Certainly none of the sounds and expressions he'd been led (by his not so vast experience with overheard locker room talk and internet porn) to believe he would witness.
"I'm going to go."
"Me, too."
"Summer, you live here. This is your house."
"I meant, I'm going to go downstairs." She gets up, grabbing the sheet, and wrapping it around herself like that will somehow make the events of the past hour reverse. Seth almost wishes it would. But that's weird, isn't it? Because being with Summer Roberts is what he's wanted for as long as he can remember. And being naked with her is what he's wanted from the time an afternoon playing freeze-tag didn't sound like the best idea in the world. For someone who was always moving, Seth knows he was a hell of a good player. Now, he just feels frozen.
Ryan's getting ready to help Kirsten out with the party preparations when Seth bursts into the room. Hair wild, and an expression to match. Ryan wants to kiss him, but it's clear Seth has something on his mind. Ryan doesn't ask, he just waits for Seth to wind down enough to tell him.
When he does, Ryan's not nearly as surprised as he could be. "Ryan. I'm a Man now. And not just like an after-your-Bar Mitzvah man but a Man Man. I had sex...with a Girl!" As opposed to having sex with you, because we haven't done that yet, not really, even though we both want to. Seth doesn't say, but Ryan hears it anyway.
"How was it?" Ryan raises a curious eyebrow, but other than that, he feigns only a mild interest. No sense it letting Seth know how jealous the idea makes him. It isn't fair to Seth.
"I had sex!"
"That bad?"
"It wasn't bad so much as weird, and not kinky weird, but just weird awkward." Seth tries to explain just how wrong it all felt. "Maybe if I'd had some idea of what I was doing but no. I was a complete newbie. I was worse than a grandmother on AOL. And Summer, you know she knows what she's doing."
Ryan laughs, picturing it all. But it's a good laugh, meant to reassure, not the "wow, you really are lame, Seth" taunts he's probably used to hearing. So Seth tells him more. About the weird faces he found himself making, almost against his will. And the "sort of whiney noises that came out toward the end."
"I'm sure it wasn't that bad, Seth. And anyway, no one expects you to be perfect your first time out."
"It was worse than you ever could have imagined," he admits. "I was like a fish flopping around on dry land. Ryan, I was Nemo, and I just wanted to go home."
Ryan's not sure what he should say to that, besides reassuring Seth that he'll get another chance with Summer. Because that's what Seth wants, isn't it? And what Ryan should want for him. Another chance to prove that Seth and Summer belong together, and this weird thing Seth and Ryan have together doesn't mean what he thinks it means.
"You don't know what it's like, Ryan. You know what to do with a beautiful girl. You wouldn't be all flailing and trying to breathe out of your gills on dry land. You've never had 'fish sex'."
"I wouldn't refer to it as 'fish sex' ever again, especially not in front of Summer" Ryan tells Seth. "And certainly I've had awkward experiences with girls myself."
"Sure, Ryan. When you were twelve, maybe."
"No, I mean now." He fills Seth in on the unpleasantness with Marissa, how she wanted to get back together after the whole thing with Oliver, but Ryan's not sure he can trust her. He isn't ready for things to go back the way they were.
Ryan doesn't tell Seth how he wishes it was just the two of them, hanging out the way they used to when the girls weren't around. It's simple, being with Seth. It shouldn't be, God knows it wouldn't be if they were ever together in public, but Ryan never feels like he has to walk on eggshells around Seth. "So I'm not sure I'm the best person to give you advice about romance."
"Dude, you know more than I do. I think Summer is used to driving a higher-performance vehicle, and here she got stuck with a rusted out Ford. But hey, things are bad with Marissa? Do you want to talk about it? Because the brotherly advice thing - if you could call it that - goes both ways. Or we could pretend it does. I mean, I'm sure I could advise you on something, as long as it's not girls, or relationships, or 'being coo'l."
"It's okay, Seth. Maybe later." Ryan excuses himself, because he really doesn't want to talk about Marissa. He doesn't even want to think about her.
But things shouldn't be that bad between Seth and Summer, just because Ryan likes having him around. Seth deserves some normalcy, and dating a popular girl like Summer can only help on that front. It doesn't have to mean they'll stop messing around at home.
Seth asks him for one last bit of advice. Any wisdom he can bestow. "Just do it again." It's never as bad as the first time.
"That's what I was afraid of." Seth wanders off, in search of more answers, Ryan supposes. He wonders where Seth will find them.
Seth is just as confused as ever when he decides to do the unthinkable, and see what his dad has to say about the whole thing. They need to have 'the talk', something they've both avoided in favor of passed on books (on his father's part) and websites (on his own).
He doesn't ask the questions he wants to ask most, just makes inquiries about how he can do better with Summer the next time, if there is a next time. His dad tries to teach him about foreplay, and how to treat a girl. Seth almost expects him to draw Seth diagrams. "We're very sexual creatures, we Cohens," he tells Seth. Seth so does not want to know that about his dad.
But he doubts his father wants to know about him, either. He wonders what his dad would do if Seth told him "I think part of the reason it was so weird with Summer is because I was wishing it was Ryan." Seth will never find out, because he's never going to say it.
It's not too long before Seth gets another chance with Summer. He plans to follow his dad's advice, to do whatever it takes so it won't be awkward, so it won't feel wrong. "This time, it's going to go just right," he tells Summer, hoping he can convince her better than he can himself.
Seth Cohen is lying naked in Summer Robert's bed. Seth Cohen is lying.