Whatcha Gonna Do (Little Buckaroo)
There has always been one of her until now. Just one, solitary, small, against the many, alien and alone. Many to love, but no one to understand. Even Simon loves instead of knows River, and she loves him, loves him, a thousand times she loves him, but her bones ache to be known.
And this is why she is watching the Other with such quick intent. Long- limbed, long and awkward and laughing, hair cut short, legs always dancing instead of walking, tripping and falling and laughing again. The Other is made of light made into a girl playing boy, and River feels like she is the dark made to compliment this light, but oh, she knows this one so well.
Quick quick quick, must follow, mustn't lose what she needs to have, follow down the streets and alleys of the city. Captain's gonna be angry if she's late, but Simon can talk them safe, and it's not River's choice to be late. Captain should have come earlier, so they could've rendezvoused with the Bebop earlier, had River meet the Other where it was safe and sound, instead of chasing each other around alleys, through markets, like cats, like children in summertime.
It is summertime in this city, sun breaking over the buildings to leave patches on the street, warmth making the air restless, leaving the laundry drying on lines between the buildings, waving to her, and there is the Other, swinging above her. As if she's been waiting for River to arrive.
"I know you," River says, looking up at this other self, long and dropping down to meet and greet her. "What's your name? Where do you come from?"
The Other tilts her head, back and forth, back and forth, and then grins, squats down, and leapfrogs toward River. "Name's Ed. Ed has seen you before, in the city, following Ed. With your brother. Ed has also seen you with the blue hands."
"I'm River Tam," says River, feeling anxious and urgent. Someone who knows about the blue hands. Someone who knows her. "Did they come for you, too?"
Ed laughs and laughs, twirls like a demon til she's dizzy, and then falls on the ground in a cloud of dust. "Two by two, hands of blue," she giggles. "Ed's glad they went away. Did they let you go, too, Rivertam whose brother is down near your Serenity-ship? Ed likes your ship. Not as much as Bebop, but Serenity..."
"She talks to me," River confesses.
"Bebop talks to Ed, too," agrees the Other matter-of-factly. "Not like Serenity talks. Serenity was very polite to Ed, though. She told me you were looking for me, Rivertam."
River nods and looks around. Ed is so confident, and River thinks there are invisible monsters around the corner. There are things that Ed knows that River needs to know. Ed must be warned, in case they come back.
"I wanted to see someone who knew," says River carefully. "Everyone loves me, but they don't understand. You know."
Ed's perennially sunny face seems to fall into shadow, and she gets up, looking around. "I know," she says. "But Ed isn't going back there."
"No," River says. "That's why I'm on Serenity now. It's safe there, and there are a thousand worlds to skip across like stones across a pond."
Ed giggles, falling against River and throwing an arm around her waist. "Ed likes you, Rivertam," she says. "Rivertam knows what Ed means about things. Do you like computers? Ed likes them. There are always ways to open them up and find the surprises inside."
"They don't seem very interesting to me," River says. "I like space. And cows. And all the places Serenity visits. People have a million secrets and sometimes my brain knows them. Computers don't talk to me."
"That's sad," Ed says before giggling again. "But places are good. Ed only sees the places on the computer, or if Bebop goes down to where we hunt. Ed is going to be the best bounty hunter alive when Ed grows up. Deadly, smart, rich. Don't turn your back or..."
She spins on those deceptively gawky legs and floppy arms, and her finger-gun is against River's head as fast as River's is against Ed's. They stare into each other's eyes, and River is fascinated. River never knew anyone who wanted to grow up to be a bounty hunter. But Ed is right -- she is going to be the best alive, and Bebop will be her ship, smooth and quiet in the sky. Like a shadow waiting to drop on the unsuspecting.
"Rivertam could be on Ed's ship when Ed grows up," says the other girl, offering without guile or deceit. "We can be grown-up together. Eat noodles, drink tea, share the bounties. Rivertam can see everywhere from Bebop. Ed promises."
River likes this idea. They would never be alone. Simon could come along, and Kaylee if Simon had to have her, and they would rendezvous with Captain and everyone regularly, sharing jobs. Ed would like Serenity, like the crew. River would teach her how to hide and hear Serenity talk to her in the silences, and Captain would curse at them to get out and stop, but he'd like it because Mal likes to grumble.
"So you'd be the captain? What would I be?" asks River. "What about my brother? He's a doctor, he's not like us. We would have to be like everyone sometimes."
"Ed knows," says Ed, pulling away to do another of her dances, her thin shoulder practically bared because her shirt is too large. "But I'm not going to be grown up tomorrow. Rivertam has to learn more before she can be on Ed's ship, anyway. Rivertam is sad because she only hears some of the voices, only knows some things. When Rivertam is more like Ed, she will be happy, and Ed and Rivertam will be the bestest bounty hunters in the 'verse!"
River knows these are tall tales, but Ed knows how to tell 'em, and River thinks they could be true. So River smiles and does her own dance, and Ed laughs again.
"I like your tomorrow," River whispers to Ed, twirling her around. "We'll be grown-up tomorrow and see a thousand planets, and the blue hands will never get us because we'll move too fast, and you'll be grown up and pretty."
"Ed's already pretty," says Ed, who is scrawny and boyish. But when she lifts her chin, River can see where the beauty's going to be grown into, and Ed is already pretty. "Rivertam's brother is looking for Rivertam. He's worried that she's lost. Bebop says. Serenity says, too, come back, Rivertam. Come back. Hear it?"
River can almost hear. But Ed is already moving away, little cat-girl with her boy-short hair and smudged nose. Not without a kiss on the forehead, for luck and for tomorrow, but she's going away, disappearing like sun on a summer afternoon. Slow and steady, but eventually it'll be the same results as a brief, harsh sunset in midwinter.
Darkness. Absence. Solitude.
"Don't forget me!" River calls after Ed, who turns and waves.
"Ed won't!" she shrieks, gamboling away, suddenly nothing more than an urchin in the big city. And there is Simon, and Shepherd, and they're very worried about River, because they love her.
River loves them, too, but now there are two of her, and two is good. Two makes her leap toward them on light feet, happy to see them, hoping to hear Serenity later, to tell all about Bebop and Edward and tomorrow.
"River..." says Simon, shaking his head.
"There's not just one of me anymore," River says. "Aren't you glad for me, Simon? There's not just one of me."
He doesn't understand. She gets a scolding and they're off for home, as quickly as that.
But that's why there's tomorrow, and that's why River went looking for the Other, and that's why River is happy even in the shadows hiding.