Giving Up The Ghost
The pain throbbing through his mind and body he can deal with, it's something that has become as familiar as the rhythm of his breathing; the focus he has gained to channel the energy and the emotions that surge through his body. Even if he never realized it, his old mentor Genkai was right about one thing, Yusuke was then, and is now, a hardheaded stubborn pain in the neck.
Yusuke looked at himself in the department store display window; more lines that crossed beneath the dark eyes; and made him feel much older than his 14-odd years. The entire time he'd been locating and fighting all of the former Spirit Detective's willing or unwilling minions. 'Take your pick.', he thought with the taste of sarcasm underlying the comment, "They really tried to convince me that I'd end up like Koenma's first recruit, that I was just like him. I don't think I am.
Koenma. "Now there's a puzzle. I hate puzzles". It's all or nothing. Up until the Dark Tournament I never realized that there was much more to him than just a precocious, annoying kid, filling in as ruler of the spirit realm while his father was away.
Hell, it was more fun to pretend and poke at that than it was to take him seriously. I guess, that's my mine problem: Never knowing when to be serious, and toe the line. I hated authority, I hated it when Koenma first recruited me as Spirit Detective, and I hate authority now.
Careful, Yusuke, now you're acting like a brat. Genkai was supposed to have beaten it out of my system," Yusuke told his reflection in the full-length display glass. "Hell, she certainly tried hard enough, and where she left off; Sensui took over. I still can't believe the good guys won this time around making it possible for me to stand here, in the middle of this crazy town, and live to tell about it."
Yusuke slammed the palm of his left hand into his right, "Damn, what the hell am I doing? " he muttered when it hit him. "He wasn't mad at himself, he was angry at Koenma for what the other had done, something he specifically told him not to do, remove that silly pacifier, aware then of that it keep Koenma's power in check. "Everything goes boom."
Koenma arrived right at that instant that Yusuke was considering hitting something else, pausing to wait and see what Yusuke's reaction would be. He waited several more seconds before tapping Yusuke on the shoulder, "Survivor's guilt? Take it from me it really does no good in the long run, and that's my responsibility." Koenma was in his teenage incarnation, the long brown hair tumbling about his face in brown curls. "Don't beat yourself up, Yusuke, I don't think you'll be able to take anymore of that for a long time."
"Hey, you made a funny," Yusuke replied. "You staying like that?"
"Occasionally I do have a sense of humor." Koenma regarded his reflection. "Quite possibly."
"Gallows humor?" Yusuke finished the remark.
"Yes. There's something bothering you, anyone with eyes and a pulse can tell."
"Not really," Yusuke tried to shrug off it his directionless anger and frustration. "Just felt like standing here and hitting something."
"Have it your way." Koenma turned to leave and return to the Spirit Realm.
"Wait!" "Why?"
"Why?" Koenma echoed.
"Simply why. Why did you take out that stupid thing?"
"The pacifier, because it was case of balancing the odds and making a decision."
"You saw that I was running into trouble and I couldn't take Sensui myself?"
"Oh, no, never that. It was myself that I had rather considerable doubts about. And a good deal of the mess we found ourselves in was my fault."
"Now who has survivor's guilt?" Yusuke replied.
"Doesn't make it all better, but it helps,"
"No, but I thought you should hear it from me."