Still Orbiting
She checked the caller ID before answering.
"I can see that eyebrow raise from here, CJ."
Curling up on the couch, she pressed mute on the tv remote and glanced at the clock. "It's way past your bedtime."
"I just got home."
"Hot date?" And though she was the one who chose another ocean two years ago, her stomach still tightened.
"I spent the evening in a field with a beautiful girl."
Incredulity swamped her jealousy. "Who are you and what have you done with Toby Ziegler?"
"The stars were sparkling in the sky--"
"Are you delirious, Toby? You're scaring me."
"The beautiful girl wants to talk to you."
CJ's confusion abated as a familiar voice came on the line. "My Mol. You torturing your father again?"
"We saw a comet, Aunty CJ! And I took photos through my telescope. Would you like to see them?"
"I'd love to see them." The eight-year-old's excitement was infectious. "You've got a telescope?"
"Mom got it for me. The stars are so beautiful and I've seen some of the planets and have you ever looked at the Moon through the telescope?" Molly continued at a mile a minute with CJ inserting the appropriate comments and questions. "I can show you the best stars next time you visit."
"That--" She grabbed the mug of cooling coffee off the corner table and gulped. No promises you can't keep, she reminded herself. "That'd be nice."
"There's meteor storms next month, so if you come then--"
Toby's voice in the background gave CJ a few seconds to formulate a response.
Disappointment coloured Molly's next words. "Dad says it's time for bath and bed."
CJ allowed herself a relieved smile. "He can't go to bed until you do."
"He's yawning and tapping his watch. Can I email you the photos of the comet tomorrow?"
"I'll be waiting for them. Give Mr Too Tall a kiss for me," she said, referring to a toy giraffe she'd given Molly on her first birthday. It had become her favourite bedtime companion.
"I will," the young girl giggled. "I love you, CJ."
At least something had remained constant and she was still the cool aunt. "I love you, Mol. Sleep tight."
A minute of mumbles later, Toby returned. "When you see the photos, the comet is the fuzzy blob."
"Yeah, but it's her fuzzy blob." Another mouthful of coffee. "So, she's swapped the critters for the stars?"
Toby sighed in his long-suffering way. "Not entirely. I've still got the goldfish, but the ant farm is now at Andi's."
"And the parakeets?"
"Andi's begging me to take them for a while. But I'm not giving in."
"Poor POTUS and FLOTUS."
"We've discovered they're both males."
CJ snorted. "Don't let the Republicans hear about it."
"I sometimes wonder whether Molly is actually David's. She doesn't get the science from me, and definitely not Andi's side."
"She's yours, Toby." Her voice lowered and she closed her eyes, submerging herself in memories. "That look of pure concentration she gets, her focus, that's all you."
"We--" He coughed. "Molly and Huck still miss you. They keep asking when you're going to visit again."
"Don't, Toby." She bit down hard on her lip, trying to prevent the tears. And she wished, not for the first time, that he'd just hate her for leaving and demand she stay away from him and his family.
"Just--next time you're over this way, if you can drop in for a day to see them." His frustration was audible.
She nodded half-heartedly as she pulled at a shirt button, avoiding another opportunity to tell him the truth. "I will. Soon."
"I'd appreciate it."
They'd been repeating this dance for two years, with the twins as the conduit. Phone calls guilting her into visiting, Molly and Huck occupying her until it was too late to leave; Toby inviting her to stay the night, and fucking in the shower and making love in his bed. And tiptoeing out of his house before dawn and collapsing in tears on this couch before dusk.
"I'll let you know for certain, but it'll probably be in the next few weeks." It wasn't the life she wanted, but she couldn't let go of them--of him--completely.
"Okay." He yawned loudly.
"Definitely past your bedtime. Night, Toby."
"CJ--" Silence for a long moment. "Sleep well."
"I miss you too," she whispered to the dial tone.