The Very Secret Diary Of Harmony Kendall
Day 1
Am keeping diary in manner of Bridget Jones and such, as am about to graduate from high school and begin fabulous and sparkling new career as actress and/or model and want to be inspiration for all who come after me. Parents sending me to Paris for a month as gift for actually completing high school without daddy having to donate building. Not sure what that means exactly, but am sure it's a very good thing.
That weird Buffy girl with the super hottie boyfriend came around with her bizarro posse and said something about snakes at the graduation ceremony. Not sure but think she was talking about these super cute snakeskin pumps I saw at the mall. Will buy them before she can, as there is no way she can possibly pull off those heels with that crypt keeper hairdo of hers.
My future lies before me like a big shiny... something. I'll think of a better metaphor later. Or maybe it's a simile. Not sure. Will check when back from mall.
Day 5
Graduation in an hour. Buffy back again, gave out little wooden fence posts, and they're not even marked with the date or anything. Stupid souvenirs if you ask me. Wouldn't stop and sign my yearbook, stuck up bitch. Angel was with her, saw him looking at my legs and possibly admiring hot new snakeskin heels. So totally worth the time it took to find them in my size. I could be a shoe model in these.
Reminder to me: make appointment with photographer for shoe session. Add to resume and portfolio.
Have to run, mother totally having a cow about getting to the ceremony too late to get prime seat.
Day 8
Stupid snake. Stupid vampires. Dead and snakeskin heels are ruined. Also cannot check hair or makeup, and pretty sure that there's not too many jobs that only shoot at night. Will now have to rethink entire plan for future.
Also, parents cancelled trip to Paris due to the extreme deadness factor. It so sucks to be me.
Day 10
Have decided to look on brighter side of eternal life. Have found out that Buffy's hottie boyfriend dumped her and left for LA. Hooked up with totally hot bad boy blondie bear, who told me that Angel was also a vampire. How stupid was Buffy anyway to not pick up on that? Now have more in common with him than she ever did. Wonder if I can find those heels he liked so much.
Reminder to self: Look up punk rock, sex shooters (??), and Slayer at public library.
Day 175
Have had horrible adjustment period with being dead. Hate blood breath in the morning and nothing takes stains out of my best silk blouse. Had favorite shirt ruined when formerly hot and now totally ex boyfriend stabbed me with chair leg over some tacky ring. Hate Sunnydale. Moving to LA and hooking up with Angel, we have so much in common now, and I think he kind of likes blondes so that's in my favor. Best thing about being undead, no more touch ups to my roots, ever.
I wonder if Cordy will let me stay with her until I find my own place. After all a friendship like ours spans all sorts of changes, right?
Day 180
Angel is completely and totally hotter than ever. I think he was really glad to see me, even if he did sort of freak out when he found out I was a vampire and all. Just a matter of time before I can make my move. Dusty old hotel has tons of remodeling projects I could take on. So obvious that he needs my help in that area and then will be indispensable to him. Very romantic. Will make over best room in hotel like that elephant thingie in that movie with Ewan McGregor and Tom Cruise's ex-wife. Super glamorous love nest for me and broody bear.
Day 200
Hate LA. Hate hotel. Hate Cordelia, she is more stuck up than she ever was. Have joined cult, will soon be right hand woman to glorious leader and then it's only a matter of time before my experience as a Master Vampire lets me take over the whole gang. First order of business will be to find better robes. These are hideous and make me look like I'm wearing a sack. Ugh.
Miss Angel. Positive that he regrets sending me away. Proof that he wants me - he could have staked me and instead he let me leave. Was just like that famous movie with the guy in the weird hat and the girl at the airport, only without anyone named Sam to play our song.
Reminder to self: find song that personifies tragic and unfulfilled love affair for me and broody bear.
Day 400
So being a secretary at the biggest law firm in LA is much better than trying to run a tacky old cult anyway. Anyway, it's not just secretary, it's practically Angel's personal assistant. He must have told Wes about our secret and forbidden love for each other. Think Wes is jealous of me, but not sure if it's because of my long and detailed personal history with Angel or the fact that its only matter of time before he names me his Vice President in charge of everything.
Day 401
Angel is pretending to love Cordelia to make me jealous. It's so cute, really, pretending he doesn't know I'm there. Only matter of time before he lets me soothe his troubled, bumpy brow. Will be sure to have CD with our song on it handy to casually put on. Still not sure which song to choose as perfect match, but seriously considering Celine Dion - "Our Love Will Go On" (Angel so much hotter than Leo, and taller, which is good. Flats make my legs look short.)
Day 500
Nothing as easy as it should be for cute blonde in LA with eternal life. Work is complicated, no one will be my friend except for Fred and now she's a super demon and won't associate with lesser beings, except Wes. Don't know why she bothers, everyone knows Wes is totally into Gunn. Cordelia dead, but died one of those tragic and heroic deaths, even while she was in a coma. Not too clear on details, but got to beat up skinny, snotty chick Senior Partners sent here to spy on broody bear. Possible was harder on her than necessary since she wanted to talk. Might have been due to her jumping broody bear's bones at office party while under so-called spell. Like that's the first time anyone used that line. Not too likely.
Should reconsider career plans in event that SP decide to smite entire company in revenge for something broody bear does to annoy them. Wonder if parents kept portfolio as souvenir of beloved daughter. Lorne has best contacts with most powerful agents in town, should make move soon in event of smiting or possible apocalypse.
Reminder to self: look up "standard perpetuity clause" in third floor law library.