All That You Sense
Sometimes Remus wonders what Sirius would think of him now. Not too often, though; just often enough so that when he dresses in the morning he looks twice in the mirror, so that he watches what he eats, so that he is every bit the caring, understanding, wise and friendly adult that Harry seeks on cold nights in the common room.
Mostly he wonders what he would think of Oz.
He would probably think good things, Remus decides. Sirius would have fallen in love with Oz, with Oz's red hair and rock concerts and single words that somehow became phrases. He would've loved his sense of calm and general lack of apprehension.
Sirius probably would have chosen Oz over Remus, given the choice.
Remus doesn't like to think about that part.
Oz is a werewolf but he is also a Muggle, and he knows far more about the magical world than Remus thought possible. Remus never asks him how, though. He doesn't care to hear his past. He knows that once upon a time Oz had a girlfriend (job) and he loved her (it) and he left her (Hogwarts) to protect her (the children).
When Oz returned to his girlfriend, he discovered that she now fancied girls, and so Oz decided that perhaps he would do well to fancy men. He sounds very certain when he explains all of this.
Remus wishes it were that easy. He wishes that he were cool and reasonable in his adoration, not desperate and slightly queasy and gone, gone, gone.
"Do you resent me?" It is five thirty-two in the morning and they are eating breakfast, Remus in his usual seat and Oz in the one that no one ever used to occupy, because Sirius would sit to his left, not to his right, and no one else who stayed at Grimmauld Place ever sat down to breakfast with him because he woke up so early, except for Harry, who would sometimes sit across from him and look him in the eye.
Remus puts his fork down slowly. It is very loud when he rests it on his plate. "What would give you that idea?" He isn't being sarcastic. He has never been particularly comfortable with sarcasm. Sirius was, but never Remus. It always comes out harsher than he would like.
Oz shrugs.
Oz approached Remus and not the other way around. Severus' brewing services were no longer available to him, as he was no longer an employee of Hogwarts, and so he was left to concoct the Wolfsbane potion on his own. He had been studying the knotgrass selection at Prewett's Potions Place in Diagon Alley and felt someone beside him; he had known immediately that Oz was a werewolf.
Oz knew what Remus was, as well, and to shorten what Remus considered a very long, dull, and somewhat uncomfortable story, they had meditated for four nights, and shagged on the fifth under a full moon.
Oz leaves after forty-seven days of long silences and awkward introductions and, to be frank, very satisfactory fucking. He apologizes, says that maybe he'll see him around. They both know this isn't true. Remus says nothing.
It's better than telling him I love you, because he would have.