Too Damn Good
It was a good slap. You could practically here it echoing off the walls of the vault. It was a slap with rocks in, at least, that was what it felt like. Xander rocked backwards on his heels, he balanced awkwardly for a moment while his reactions tried to come up with, well, a reaction. Such events didn't appear to be in his reactionary vocabulary. Men did not slap other men except, perhaps, in gay bars or at Village People concerts (Xander had been shocked, to say the least, when they, for the majority, came out as being straight). His reflexes seemed to have passed the buck and were now requiring his brain to kick off into action and do its own thinking. Auto-pilot is a wonderful thing, presuming an inadequate didn't program it.
"Thanks."
"Any time."
"Head OK?" Spike responded with a shrug, obviously to indicate that no matter the pain he was man enough to take it. Xander rolled his eyes. "So, where were we?"
"We were just getting to the bit where you kiss me and then we have mad, passionate sex on the floor." Two pairs of eyes were cast to the floor as Xander considered the likelihood of this.
It looked damp.
"No we weren't."
"Bugger, you figured me out." It struck Xander, that the conversation was getting slightly surreal. The thought that Spike would even joke about the pair of them having sex simply wasn't conceivable and after the previous brain-overload, from which Xander was rescued only by a well-timed slap, he was afraid he'd shut down completely.
"So, where were we really?"
"You were going to cry, mate, so I hit you."
Xander, contrary to all logic regarding the fact that this was true, bristled, "No I wasn't."
Spike rolled his eyes again.
"I was going to do what you said I was going to do." He added.
"Huh?"
It was Xander's turn to roll his eyes before grabbing the vampire and, before he could react, kissing him. Xander was shocked to find himself, after momentary resistance, being kissed back and, even more shockingly, being groped. The hands doing the groping seemed to be particularly adept and after the many experiments of Anya it was exciting to feel something that, despite not being original, was particulary, well, good. Xander returned the favour.
"So that's why." and "I get it now." They murmured before looking at each other, horrfied, and breaking away.
"What?" Unison. Again.
"Well I had to wonder what the bloody hell she saw in you." Spike snapped.
"And I wondered why she felt she needed to have, to be, to do that thing on the table!"
"Now we know." Spike winked. Actually winked and Xander felt his only marginally softened arousal spring back to attention.
Spike grinned. Xander grinned back. The kissing recommenced.