My Kingdom For A Horse (Of A Different Colour)
This is his third rebirth. (A term favored by the Tauri, one he discovered watching a shaman named John Edwards on late night television, "rebirth." The Jaffa would call it cowardice. Treason, even, or blasphemy; were he still First Prime, he could have been killed for less. The Peacekeepers, Crais tells him, would also view things in this way.) This is his third life.
It is odd, even by the standards of his admittedly unique experience, this universe.
He had finally begun to adapt to life on Earth, to think of the planet as home. He wonders if he'll ever be able to adjust to life in the Uncharted Territories . ("It's possible, buddy," Crichton whispers, "though I'm not sure I'd recommend my personal tour guide." Then confidentially, mano a mano as Colonel O'Neill would say, "He was just a little too 'hands on' for me, if you catch my drift, T.")
He does not "catch his drift." "Indeed, John Crichton, I do."
When he stepped through the wormhole and into the vacuum of space, he thought he would die. He didn't. ("Way to go, Junior!" Colonel O'Neill's voice said, when Teal'c woke up after three days. But Colonel O'Neill wasn't there, isn't here, and Teal'c wonders why his voice keeps echoing in his head. Maybe he sustained some sort of head trauma. Dr. Fraiser would know, but she's not here either. Just a strange man with a metal plate covering half his head, a human not at all unlike Colonel O'Neill himself, a female warrior, a strange slug-man, and Crais.)
They understand each other. It is odd, and certainly unexpected, their friendship, but Teal'c is decidedly grateful for it.
"So you say you're a, what was it again, a Jaffa ?"
"Indeed." Teal'c nods, solemn, a sign of respect from one warrior to another. "And you are Sebacean. Aeryn Sun is also Sebacean, Commander Crichton is human, Dominar Rygel is Hynerian, and Stark is-"
"-completely fahrbot, I tell you," Rygel interrupts. "Just now he's going on and on about seeing Zhaan in the stars and how you should tell Talyn to turn around to retrieve her frelling soul from-"
"That is very 'fahrbot,' indeed." And with that, Teal'c walks away. Rygel reminds him far too much of Apophis when he speaks.
Teal'c remembers each of his lives with crystal clarity. Each of his betrayals.
Remembers his prim'tah (the first betrayal, that of his people) when he received his symbiote. Serving his God, rising through the ranks, he remembers every kill and every failure like they're still happening. Remembers helping the Tauri (the second betrayal, that of his god). Remembers stepping through the Stargate and out a wormhole into the cold of space (the third betrayal, that of himself). And here he is, on a ship in the middle of nowhere, while the rest of his team are saving the world.
That world, not this one. In this world, he has found, there is no such thing as salvation.
He was but a child, looking back on it, but he called himself a man and so he was. He called himself a warrior, loyal and fierce, and so he was. And he strutted around the campsite, newly joined with his symbiote and far too proud, and the girls all laughed but one.
"Tell me about your world," Crais said, that first night, but Teal'c couldn't find the words. He thinks that maybe he's become too cautious. Maybe he's become too alien, even to himself, and maybe the memories will only ever be ghosts.
It's late, or at least it feels late, and Crais is the only one in command. Teal'c is quiet as he enters the chamber, as he stands in a corner and waits for the moment he can finally begin. "I was but a child," he starts, "but I thought I was a man. When I killed my first enemy, I celebrated, for I had done this in the service of my god. I was but a child."
"I was never a child. Not really."
They stand, in silence, they wait.
It's the night cycle, and Teal'c can hear Crichton and Aeryn through the walls. ("It's like your very own pay-per-view porn channel, buddy," Colonel O'Neill's voice says, but it reminds Teal'c more of Chulak than anything. Of nights with his wife, of hearing his neighbors through their tent, of the moment Rya'c was conceived.)
He misses his family. His son. He misses his home.
Crais tells him a story about his life as a Peacekeeper. Teal'c recounts a tale about his days in the service of Apophis. They speak of honor and faith; they reminisce about the lives they never shared.
Teal'c misses his universe, and Crichton pops in with an idea on how to send him back.
("It's possible, sir." Teal'c wishes Major Carter was here, if only to confirm his suspicion that Commander Crichton is completely fahr- insane. Completely insane and his only hope.)
"It's- I have this theory," he begins. "Kinda like the mirror universe on Star Trek- you do have Star Trek on your Earth, don't you? You know, the one where the characters all have funny goatees that mean they're evil and stuff. Anyway, so Kirk's a bad guy and Spock's all-"
"Indeed, Commander Crichton, we have encountered such a phenomenon before. In fact, we have a quantum mirror of our own at the Cheyenne Mountain Complex."
"Oh." His shoulders slump, and his face contorts into what Colonel O'Neill calls a puppy dog look. "Well, then... the point is, I think we can use a wormhole in the same way, like a quantum mirror without the, you know, mirror part."
"It is a good idea."
"It's a completely fahrbot idea," Rygel interjects, "if you ask me."
"We did not."
Crais likes to talk. He likes to talk when he knows the listener will understand him, will understand what he is saying, and Teal'c is the only other warrior on board. (Save Aeryn, who spends all her time with Commander Crichton, as far as Teal'c can observe.)
"We are very similar, I think, you and I."
Teal'c is not sure that they are as alike as Crais likes to think, but he has long been resigned to his own separateness. He enjoys Crais's stories about the Peacekeepers and their society, though, so he doesn't say anything. Teal'c has always been gifted in the art of silence.
"I remember my first kill. My first flight. My first command. I remember everything," he says, and this is something Teal'c understands. Memories can be stronger than the present; they can overshadow everything and blind one to reality.
"It is better that you do not forget," he states. "Far better."
They were both young, both children who thought themselves men. They share that.
Crichton bounces on the soles of his feet, and Teal'c can barely differentiate between him and O'Neill anymore. Both brash, both bold, both brave. And they are both completely incomprehensible and prone to strange pop culture references.
"Now, normally I'd take the Module at a time like this, but somehow I can't see that going over too well on your end. So we're gonna have to make to with a jury-rigged EVA and a prayer, T-Rex."
"What Crichton is trying to say, Teal'c, is that we wish you well in your attempt to return home."
"I understand." He takes comfort in solemnity. It makes him strong.
And Crais laughs, "Oh, that's right, you've one of him waiting at home for you, don't you? That Colonel O'Neill fellow you've told me about."
"They are, as the Colonel would say, as two peas in a peapod."
Crichton guffaws, and reaches out to shake Teal'c's hand. "Good-bye, buddy, good knowing you."
"Farewell, Commander." Teal'c turns to Crais, bows his head slightly, and says, "Captain."
The EVA suit is unwieldy, and he feels like a stuffed turkey ("is that a joke, T-Bone?" disconnected Colonel O'Neill voice asks). But there is a wormhole, as Commander Crichton had hoped, and he slides into it and out the Stargate.
The rest of SG-1 is waiting for him at the end of the ramp.
"Hey, T, old buddy, what the hell took you so long?"
Home, sweet home. The Tauri, he has found, are particularly fond of that phrase. As is he.