The Fall Of Angels
For what seemed like days, Cal couldn't move. Cramp spread through his body, heavy weight pressed against his arms. The soft touch of the sun against his skin at day break lit a dried trail of tears down his face, eyes scratched almost raw, unable to weep anymore. His body no longer able to mourn the way in which he wanted it to.
A dark shade of blood dripped down his arm, a trail of small patches dried and peeling on his own skin as he held Pellaz's now lifeless body in his arms. Split open, torn and exposed.
All Cal could do was stare into Pellaz's open eyes. The eyes of his dead lover.
Something hadn't seemed right the night before Pellaz had died, before Cal lost him. Cal could feel it in the air, he knew something was wrong but he also knew he was unable to fight it. There was a sense of inevitability that tore at him and Cal was without a doubt that Pellaz could feel it too.
When they stopped to make camp that night, Cal could see it in his eyes. Neither of them could name their fear but that didn't make it any less terrifying. Cal stretched out his hand, his fingers trembled slightly, to push back a loose strand of Pellaz's hair. Still soft despite the fact that it was sweat-slicked, the heat of the sun had caused a trail of perspiration on the dark outline of his brow.
And when he'd pushed it back, all Pellaz had done was smile.
Cal knew something was wrong but didn't think he was strong enough to fight it.
Cal hadn't heard the sound at first. Couldn't see the bullet that changed everything. The bullet that tore so effortlessly into Pellaz's head. A tiny hole, but Cal couldn't comprehend how much blood escaped. Inky, almost as black as night, as Pellaz's life slipped away.
There'd been almost no noise and Cal had just held him. Hoped beyond everything that if he didn't let go, Pellaz wouldn't leave him.
But Cal hadn't been able to hold on hard enough.
The chill night air bit into Cal's skin like teeth. Gnawed at his flesh and devoured him whole. He wanted to wrap himself in more clothing, furs that he and Pellaz had stolen from the Varrs but he was too comfortable to move. The fire blazed before them and by now, Cal was used to the discomforts of travel.
Instead he calmed his mind; blissful images of warmth played across the back of his eyes as the heat of his body began to adjust. To fight back against mother nature's enforced chill.
Pell had been uncharacteristically silent; the two of them too scared to tempt fate by mentioning the things that were worrying them. It seemed even more futile to talk of Immanion at this time. A subject which normally lightened the mood.
Cal was far too suspicious to tempt fate in that way.
Instead the two of them shared their drink. Bottle passed between them silently. The sky faded to darkness, rich purple stained the horizon.
It was only a matter of time; they could both feel it.
In the last few moments Cal could hear Pellaz struggle to breathe.
His throat sounded scratchy and strained. A small bubble of air burst on his lip. Popped in a tiny explosion stained red with blood and Cal almost thought it had sounded like Pellaz had whispered his name.
When Cal had kissed him; he could taste blood on Pellaz's lips as his own body was wracked with sobs. Could taste Pellaz for what he knew would be the last time and he tasted salty, like tears. Cal's own tears glistened on the skin of his cheeks.
Cal held Pellaz in his arms as he died.
Pellaz shifted in the darkness. Cal could feel him; he didn't need to open his eyes to sense his movement.
"It's late, you should sleep."
"I can't."
Pellaz's voice was thick and sounded heavy, like fear. Cal could feel each word trickle over his skin smoothly like water.
Cal shifted his own weight and let his eyes drift open. Their fire was burned almost down to the embers. It glowed red-hot once again as Pellaz stoked it with a gnarled stick that he held in his hand. The fire crackled in protest as he brought it back to life. Tiny flickers of flame that seemed to be trying to escape into the cool night air.
The air was heavy and weighed down on them. Like it always did after it had rained, a strong smell of ozone surrounded the two of them and lent an even more oppressive mood.
"Do you think it'll be the same tomorrow?"
They both knew that nothing could be the same.
"Come back to bed, Pell, I'm cold."
"I can't sleep. I can feel it and I know you can feel it too."
"I wasn't talking about sleeping."
When Pellaz smiled Cal was able, at least for a moment to forget.
Pellaz grew cold in his arms but Cal still didn't let go.
Pellaz's body now felt hollow and possessed nothing of what Cal knew of him. Cal's legs were numb and no longer cramped from his sustained position, his own body tucked and resting against the shattered form he clung so tightly to.
Cal wrapped his arms around Pellaz's body; he was still too thin. Not enough food and too much worry as they travelled through war torn country. Cal pulled him close, traced his fingers over each of Pellaz's ribs as he arched under him. He could count them individually and when he followed the line of each bone with the tip of his finger, Pellaz shivered and pushed forward, wanted more.
Pellaz was a heavy warmth in his arms and Cal never wanted to let go. All he wanted was to hold him tightly, no matter where they were. Pellaz made Cal forget, even about Immanion.
As they kissed Cal forgot everything else, even the sense of dread he could almost taste. Steadily building in the back of his throat like bile.
All that was gone, when Pellaz pushed him onto his back; licked at his throat and put his mouth to his ear to whisper.
His voice dripped over Cal like scented honey.
"Be soume for me?"
"Always."