We Don't Talk
"Buffy?"
"Mhmm?"
"Are you listening to me?"
"Sure Will, shoot."
"We need to talk."
"Is this a, 'I should put down the sword and listen' kinda talk?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Okay then. Let's talk. Uh... About what?"
"Have you noticed there's things we hardly ever talk about together? And, by 'things', I mean one thing in particular?"
"This isn't a Spike thing is it? Because I know seeing him naked pretty much freaks you out."
"No Buffy, it's not a Spike thing. But it is related. You know me and Tara?"
"Trick question?"
"No. You know me and Tara, kinda, you know we sleep together?"
"Sure. I know that."
"We're lovers."
"Ah-yeah."
"Well, how come..."
"How come what?"
"Well, when it was you and Riley, we kinda talked about... Everything. Like, what he did, and what he liked, and how it made you feel, and, y'know, stuff. We talked about stuff."
"You mean stuff like his penchant for wearing my panties?"
"Sort of, I guess, but not exactly."
"Yeah, but get me. Who needs a college education to use big exciting new words like 'penchant'. Go team me!"
"We're getting a little sidetracked here Buff."
"Sorry Will, here's me, focus-girl."
"Yeah, so, you and me talked over everything about Riley, and everything about Angel, and, well, most stuff about Spike."
"Ohh, believe me, we didn't even scratch the surface with Spike."
"Well, maybe not, but, how come we've never talked about me and Tara?"
"Sure we've talked about you guys! We've so had the talk! You talked, and I listened! We made with the talking!"
"No we didn't. We didn't talk. You haven't even asked me what it's like with a girl!"
"Sure I did!"
"Okay then, what's it like with another girl?"
"Uhh..."
"See, you don't know! Because we didn't have the talk! If we'd had the talk, you'd know! You'd know how good it is, and what it feels like, and all about fingertips and tongues!"
"Oo-kay..."
"You're blushing!"
"No I'm not."
"And now you're polishing that sword again!"
"I'm sharpening, not polishing."
"Hello? Phallic much?"
"And we're putting the sword down."
"Buffy?"
"Yeah Will?"
"Does it give you the wig that I'm gay?"
"No!"
"Then seriously, we talked about Oz, how come we don't talk about Tara?"
"Because... Uhm..."
"It's okay if it wigs you out, if it does, I'd like to talk about it with you. The whyness. I don't like it when you're all wiggy around me."
"Willow, it doesn't bother me. I guess maybe a little. It's different, you know? Change. And we fear change. Because it's like fate, and the oceans, no, tides, coming in, and going out, or something."
"Buffy."
"Yeah?"
"You're rambling."
"I am not!"
"You do that when you're embarrassed. My being gay embarrasses you. And I want to know why. Darn it!"
"Darn it?"
"Don't make fun of me. I have my finger, and I'm not afraid to point it. See! Now, tell me what your problem with me being gay is!"
"Okay! You've... uhm, you've seen me naked!"
"Buffy. That's lame."
"It is not lame! I happen to know I have a very tight bod, and any woman in her right mind would want to do all sorts of wicked things to it. Wicked things involving the use of honey... and maybe ice."
"Buffy, do you want to boff every naked guy you see?"
"I don't get to see all that many naked guys."
"But if you did, do you think you'd be able to control yourself?"
"Probably. Unless we're talking Brad Pitt, am I seeing him naked?"
"So do you think it's maybe the same for gay people too, that we don't want to jump the bones of every same-gender naked person that we see?"
"I notice you're ignoring my question about Brad."
"I'm not ignoring it, I'm treating it with disdain. See me, again with the finger!"
"Ouch! Okay! I respect the fingering."
"You respect the what?!"
"Oh-god, just pretend like I didn't say that."
"So... what is it really? Please Buffy, tell me why we don't get to talk about me and Tara, because, I'd really like to. Talk. With you. Please? It's like a hole, it's the one big really important thing I don't get to share with my best friend! And it makes me feel, it makes me feel like we're not close anymore."
"Well. Okay Will. You win. If you really want to know, I should tell you. You remember Faith, right?"
"Oh, how could I forget."
"Stop glowering."
"I'm not glowering."
"You lowered your voice, and you got that look in your eyes like you wanted to hit something."
"I did not want to hit something!"
"Willow, I'm the Slayer, I know what suppressed urges to commit sudden acts of violence look like. And I know how much you detest Faith."
"Don't you just hate how that sentence isn't in the past tense?"
"Huh?"
"I'd much rather you could have said 'how much I detested Faith'. But no, she's still alive. Again with the darning of it."
"See what I mean? You really don't like Faith much, do you?"
"Well no, she's a psycho murdering she-bitch monster from hell. I think I'm allowed to not like her."
"I remember you not liking her before she became the psycho murdering... ahm..."
"She-bitch monster from hell?"
"Yeah. That. Well, when you, and Tara...You know..."
"Had sex?"
"Came out. When you guys came out, I kinda suddenly understood why you hated Faith so much."
"Well yeah, because she's a psycho, she did try and kill most of us."
"But it wasn't that. That's not why you hated her so much, and so early. Is it Will?"
"I'm not sure I understand?"
"Weren't you just a little jealous of Faith?"
"Buffy, why would I be jealous of that skanked up ho? Okay, sure, she was kinda cute, with her perky pushed-up bosom, but looks aren't everything, and a good bra can go a long way..."
"That's not exactly what I mean. See, you remember how much time me and Faith spent with each other, before things went bad?"
"Yeah, sure."
"And you remember how everybody thought me and Faith were maybe something more than just friends, because we were always hanging out and being all touchy-feely, and sneaking off together?"
"Uh..."
"And when you thought me and Faith were an item, that's about the same time you started hating her so bad?"
"No, but..."
"And wasn't that because you were just a little upset that Faith came along and stole me away from you?"
"I, uhm..."
"And that's why I'm embarrassed. And that's why we haven't talked much about you and Tara. Because sometimes there are things you can say that change everything. And I'm afraid this is one of those things. And I don't want to lose you because I, well... I just don't."
"But..."
"You did ask."
"Wishing I hadn't."
"Am I right though Will, is that why you hated her so much?"
"Can I plead the Fifth?"
"The fifth what?"
"The Fifth amendment, the right of the accused to maintain his or her silence in response to a question."
"Oh. That fifth. Then no. Answer the question."
"Buffy, please."
"You started this."
"And now I'm stopping it."
"You can't!"
"Yes I can. Go back to stroking your sword or something."
"Willow... I'm sorry I'm still straight."
"S'okay. I'm sorry I'm gay."
"You shouldn't be!"
"No."
"Will. Do you remember that summer after I killed the Master. When you and I spent like, hours watching tv while you braided my hair, and unbraided it, then braided it up again? And then I did you?"
"Sure, and then we fell asleep together in our pyjamas."
"And you always woke up before me because every time I opened my eyes in the morning the very first thing I saw was you watching me, and I'd always say how safe and warm that made me feel."
"I remember."
"Do you wanna do all that again?"
"'Kay."
"Cool."
"Buffy?"
"Yeah Will?"
"I wouldn't want to use honey."
"Oh you so would!"
"I would not!"
"Would too!"