Thy Sensual Fault
Before Sirius, there was James.
Sirius doesn't know, can never know. It wouldn't matter if Remus slept his way through the Gryffindor Quidditch team and started on the other houses - - Sirius wouldn't care -- but James is different.
Sirius is taller than James, and heavier, though there is something about James that makes him feel solid, reliable. Sirius is flighty, quick to anger and quick to beg forgiveness with kisses and touches (he never speaks the words; words are always the source of Sirius's troubles, spilling out before he thinks); Remus will agree to anything to feel those touches and kisses again.
Sirius is skilled with his tongue in other, less verbal ways, swirling it over the head of Remus's cock, teasing him with long, languorous licks that make his body quiver and his bones melt. Sirius is a born seducer, and knows it; he takes almost as much pleasure in making Remus lose control as he does in fucking and being fucked.
James never did that to him. James was rough and tumble, interested in coming and then going. It wasn't that James didn't care; Remus knows he did -- does. But James fancies girls and always has. That he used to crawl into Remus's bed and let Remus suck him and fuck him is something he doesn't want anyone to know, especially not Sirius.
Sirius is possessive, and while there's no doubt James is the leader of their little group, there is an unspoken agreement between them all that he belongs to Sirius -- best friend, brother, co-conspirator. Remus imagines Sirius feels -- felt -- for James the way he himself does -- did - - but for whatever reason (and Remus never asked, doesn't want to know), James chose him instead.
Perhaps because Remus is silent, grateful, has more to lose and therefore more reason to hold his peace. Sirius would have shouted it from the rooftops if he and James were fucking, and that's the last thing James wants, especially as Lily has finally started smiling at him and letting him hold her hand after Prefects' meetings.
Since he and Sirius have started doing... this, Remus has learned that James wasn't very good at giving head. But Remus had loved it, loved him, and had had nothing to compare it to, anyway. He'd loved fucking James's eager mouth, lips red and swollen, eyes clear and bright without dirty glasses to hide behind.
Now, though, now he knows what it feels like when Sirius sucks on his balls, takes his cock deep and swallows hard, and he's utterly helpless against the sensations that course through him.
Sometimes he wonders what it would be like to lie between them, James forceful, awkward, yet heartfelt, and Sirius sensual, skilled and always unashamed. Would he be consumed by fire, drowned in pleasure?
It would be a wonderful way to die.
He saves those fantasies for moments like this, when he's alone in the darkened room with his right hand, eyes closed and...
'Oh.
'That's not--'
He opens his eyes at the feel of someone else's hand on his cock. Sirius looms above him, damp from the shower, already out of his clothes as he climbs into bed beside Remus.
Sirius doesn't speak, just drops his y-fronts to the floor and kisses him. Remus arches up, already hard and aching, wanting to feel skin against his, Sirius's soft, warm skin sliding over hard muscle.
Remus sucks on Sirius's tongue, hands tracing intricate patterns over his shoulders and back, as Sirius rubs against him, cock hot and hard and already slick with precome. The friction is unbearable; Remus lets out a low groan as Sirius breaks the kiss, starts moving down his body, licking, nipping and sucking as he goes.
Remus writhes beneath this assault, hands alternately fisting in the sheets or Sirius's hair. He reaches down to touch himself and Sirius lets out a growl of his own, smacks his hand away.
"Get on with it, then," he says, and Sirius laughs, warm breath sliding like honey over his cock. He thrusts up and Sirius places a teasing kiss on the head, swirls his tongue over the slit, then slides his lips up and down the shaft, humming.
As James sucked Remus off, he used to hum some Muggle song Lily liked, Remus recalls vaguely. Remus has never been alone with either of his lovers. There is always the shadow of someone else hanging over them -- Lily, Sirius, James. They are all in bed together and not in the way Remus dreams of. While he's still capable of thought, he wonders if they've ever wanted him for himself, or if he is always a substitute.
Sirius raises his head and Remus whimpers at the loss of his warm mouth.
"You're thinking too much, Moony. N.E.W.T.s aren't for another six months. Relax," Sirius says before applying that clever tongue to Remus's balls and the sensitive skin behind them. He slides his tongue up Remus's shaft and Remus quivers, whole body on fire with need.
"Sirius," he gasps.
"Like that, do you?" Sirius murmurs against his skin, then swallows him deep, working muscles Remus didn't even know existed until they'd started doing this.
"God, yes," he says hoarsely, hips bucking off the bed. The world explodes and he comes hard, control long gone. Sirius takes it all in, hands stroking soft circles over his hips and thighs, soothing him as he floats back to earth.
"So beautiful," Sirius whispers, moving up to kiss him. Remus tastes himself on Sirius's tongue; he knows it should be weird, but it just seems right.
James's kisses tasted of butterbeer and crisps; Sirius is always sweet- tart, like the Lemon Sherbets he loves so much.
They kiss languidly for a few moments, but Sirius's cock is hot and hard against his thigh, and Remus knows what he wants to do next.
He pulls back and says, "Fuck me now, Sirius? Please?"
Sirius looks startled, then smiles, a slow, wicked smile that sends heat pooling in Remus's belly again, his cock already half-hard again.
"Are you sure?"
Remus doesn't allow it often -- he is almost always on top, in control -- but he wants this, needs it so badly he can taste it. "Want you in me," he says, reaching for the lube they keep in his night table drawer.
Sirius swallows hard and has to take a few deep breaths; Remus feels a heady surge of power as he reaches down and prepares himself, since Sirius is still attempting to get himself together, before slicking the cool gel on Sirius's cock. Sirius groans and begins whispering to him, "So hot, so fucking good, gonna fuck you now."
"Yes," he says, slipping a pillow beneath his hips and spreading his knees. "Please."
Sirius moves up between his legs, and slowly pushes his way in, rocking his hips, gently at first, and then harder as Remus urges him on, babbling nonsensically about how good Sirius feels inside him, how much he wants him.
Sirius smiles, upper lip beaded with sweat as he drives into Remus. Remus fists his cock, imagining his hand is James's mouth, remembering the soft wet heat of lips and tongue, the mischief in those clear hazel eyes.
Sirius comes with a shout, jerking wildly against him, and Remus's own orgasm rips through him like a tidal wave, spurting over their still joined bodies.
Sirius lowers himself on top of Remus, heedless of the mess. They kiss gently, and Sirius mumbles something that may be "I love you" against his lips. Remus freezes, unsure, unable to respond before Sirius rolls away, already half-asleep, one arm draped over Remus's sticky belly.
Remus lies awake, the weight of Sirius's possessiveness warming him.
James never said that.
And while Remus is wise enough to doubt any words of love spoken during sex, he finds he wants to believe, wants to be able to say it back and mean it.
He reaches for his wand, quietly cleans up. He pulls the covers up and curls into Sirius's heat. He's almost asleep when the door opens and James enters.
They hadn't drawn the curtains -- he'd been alone when he'd started, and Sirius obviously didn't care who knew or saw, and then they'd been too busy to bother.
James stops at the foot of the bed, and Remus holds his breath, wondering if his most outlandish fantasy is about to come true, but James just fiddles with his glasses for a moment and smiles, teeth gleaming in the darkness.
"We're both getting what we want," he says softly before heading to his own bed.
Remus wants to believe that, as well.
He rests his head on Sirius's shoulder, inhales the fresh scent of his shampoo mingled with their combined smells, and closes his eyes.