Two Cripples Dancing
It was only afterwards, sitting in the driver's seat of his mom's Range Rover and putting his pants on the correct way, that Seth realized the magnitude of what he had done.
Having sex wasn't like forgetting to put the toilet seat down; he couldn't just dash back in the bathroom and put things back to rights. Now that he and Anna had gone the whole way, there was no getting his virginity back. There was no return policy at the local De-Virginizer store stating 'please form a line here to return your cherry.'
Not that guys had cherries or anything.
Sometimes Seth was just too literal for his own good. Other times he obviously wasn't literal enough.
He had liked Anna, a lot. She preferred DC to Marvel and thought that Dark Horse was insanely good. She collected Top Ten. More importantly, she liked Seth and hadn't been afraid to show it.
He'd thought that was enough.
When she had called him to say she was back from Tahiti, Seth had felt like his birthday and Hanukkah and the 4th of July had all happened at the same time. He had practically invited himself over before she had even gotten the words out. Once he'd gotten there, he'd discovered she owned a Playstation, too. She'd kicked his ass in Gran Turismo, and he practically had them married before she'd ordered the pizza for dinner.
Things had progressed so quickly after that that later on Seth wouldn't even remember who had kissed who first. They had started out on the sofa, legs and arms everywhere, and then fallen onto the floor and rolled on top of the pizza box. It had been a really good pizza, too.
Anna's kisses tasted like extra cheese and orange soda, and Seth hadn't been in charge as much as he'd just been along for the ride. And what a ride it was. Down the hall, up too many stairs, tripping over Anna's brother's Legos, and thank god for Little League games.
Anna's room had been all dark blue walls and posters of Radiohead. She had proper art of Hiroshige, and her Van Gogh might actually have been real. Seth didn't really take the time to notice all that though, and afterwards, after he showed her that all that net porn hadn't been useless and that he wasn't completely incompetent at everything, she said thanks.
She's said he was pretty good.
Actually Anna had said, "That was great."
Not that Seth was great or the sex was great, but that was great.
Seth knew Anna wasn't the type to lie, and yet, lying there on her double bed with her yammering on about the Clippers and the Steelers he felt strangely empty. He'd just lost his virginity to the coolest girl he knew, and he might as we have just taken out the trash for all the emotional investment he felt.
On the drive home, Seth had felt so detached, at one point he'd almost left the car by the side of the road, and walked the rest of the way back. It was like the whole sex thing hadn't even really happened. Except it had.
Opening the car door, now, Seth slid out of the driver's side seat, and clambered to his feet unsteadily. He wasn't sore or anything, his legs were just shaky, like he'd been swimming for too long.
He locked the door behind him, and pocketed the keys. Rather than going through the front door, he went around the back, past the pool and to the guesthouse.
Teenage boys were supposed to share news like this with their friends, and Seth didn't have friends with an 's', but he had Ryan. They would celebrate and Ryan would make Seth feel better, or at least he'd be able to explain why Seth felt so crappy.
Ryan would know, because he was worldly wise like that. Seth felt pretty sure that Ryan wasn't Ron Jeremy or anything, but maybe Ryan just knew what it was that Seth was missing, because Seth felt pretty sure that he wasn't supposed to feel like this post-sex. He had always thought his first time would have something more to it; just some extra connection or zap. Instead having sex with a girl was like opening a new box of Captain Crunch and finding out there was no prize included.
It was very disappointing, and Seth couldn't quite figure out why.
He had never been a romantic. Growing up in a neighborhood where people gave their virginity away like free days at a spa, Seth knew better, but still. He hadn't expected much, not rose petals or chimes, just a connection that he hadn't felt to Anna afterwards. It was like once they had sex the spell was broken, instead of the other way around.
Perhaps his fairy godmother had taken the night off.
Seth's footsteps were strangely muffled in the grass as he rounded the corner of the house. He kept waiting for the motion detectors to go off before he remembered that they were broken. The repairman was due tomorrow, and in the dark Seth could make out Ryan in the guesthouse, lying on his bed and illuminated by the TV. Knowing Ryan he was probably watching the Food Network, MTV or Lifetime. Ryan had a strange attachment to Lifetime and Seth had tried to get him to watch the Spike network instead, but even Seth had to admit that it was a little heavy on the obvious testosterone, to the point of trying too hard. Like Tom Cruise.
Seth smiled in spite of himself, tripped over a water sprinkler, and sort of collided with the glass to alert Ryan to his presence because he was smooth like that. After separating himself from the sliding door, Seth knocked on the glass, but Ryan didn't even budge, just a nod with his head to motion Seth inside.
When Seth walked through the door, sliding it shut behind him, Ryan didn't say anything at all. Whatever neon sign Seth thought he now had over his head, clearly wasn't as bright as he gave it credit for.
Ryan was stretched out on his bed in his obligatory sleeveless white shirt and gray sweatpants, his attention firmly on the half-dressed girls dancing on the TV. It had to be MTV, and all Seth could think was that he could've been there tonight, wearing the same thing, albeit without the wife beater, and hanging out instead of feeling all weird and mutant-like.
Seth wasn't the first guy on earth to lose his virginity; he just felt like it, like there was a camera crew following his every movement, just waiting for the chance to salt his game. Shaking his head, Seth blinked to allow his eyes to get accustomed to the slight change in location and scenery.
He hovered uncertainly, his eyes narrowing when Ryan yawned and stretched like a cat.
"Have a good time with Anna?"
Seth swallowed. "Yeah. Yeah, it was... good."
Ryan shifted slightly on the bed, and his shirt moved up slightly displaying a small bit of his stomach. "Good?"
"Yeah," Seth said, not sound very convincing even to himself. He cleared his throat, "Yeah."
Ryan grinned. "That's four yeah's, Seth."
"Yeah."
"Five."
Seth's legs began to do that shaking thing again, and he made a mad dash for Ryan's bed, collapsing on the edge just in time. The mattress creaked and bounced, while Beyonce yodeled on screen.
Seth found himself strangely fascinated, but after several seconds he turned to find Ryan eying him curiously.
The pressure was just too much, and Seth blurted out his news like a haywire garbage disposal. "We had sex. Me and Anna. Anna and I. We had sex." The words sounded foreign, even to him, and he repeated himself just to make sure he'd said it.
After his mouth had stopped spilling the family secrets, Seth eyed Ryan expectantly, waiting.
There was this big hole in the space where Ryan was supposed to be slapping Seth on the back and welcoming him to the club. Except now it was more of a great big gaping vortex sucking the air out of the entire room.
Seth watched Ryan push himself up and slide to the edge of the bed so that he was sitting thigh to thigh with Seth.
"Congratulations," he said, slapping Seth on the leg before pushing himself off the bed, and going to the bathroom.
Seth was dumbfounded. Where were the cigar and the strippers? Where was his lesson in the secret handshake?
"That's it?" he said, getting to his feet and heading towards the bright light at the end of the hall.
The water was running, and Ryan was brushing his teeth. He spit in the sink as Seth came to a halt in the doorway. "You were expecting something else? A parade?"
"Yeah, I want my own float with roses," Seth mocked. "Seriously though, isn't this like a big thing? A rite of passage?"
Ryan caught Seth's eyes in the mirror over the sink. He brushed and spit, again. "You should talk to your dad then."
"Uh, yeah, no." Seth shifted and stretched out alongside the doorjamb. "Seriously, Ryan, was your first time, you know, good?"
Ryan eyed him around a mouth of foam. "Was yours?"
"Kinda. Sorta," Seth paused. "You didn't answer the question."
Ryan rinsed his toothbrush, his eyes never leaving Seth's in the mirror. "This isn't about me, Seth. I'm not the newly deflowered virgin."
Seth sighed. "I don't know, I guess I was just expecting something... more."
"More like what?"
Ryan hung his toothbrush in the holder and turned around, leaning against the sink and crossing his arms over his chest. It was really... sexy, and it made Seth's chest tighten. His palms felt a bit damp, they way they had when Anna had touched him before. This was how he had thought he would still feel about her after.
Except that Ryan wasn't Anna, and Ryan had made Seth feel like this long before Anna ever came to Newport.
"More like..."Seth flailed. "Like I still wanted to be with her."
"Are you saying you used her?" Ryan's tone was sharp, and he straightened up, his arms falling away from his chest.
"No! No," Seth said clearly. "I just. I felt like she was using me, like I could've been anybody. Then when it was over, it was like that's nice, hope you had a pleasant time, don't forget to clean up behind you. You know, like when you go camping."
Ryan cocked his head to the side. "I've never been camping."
"We should go. Sometime." Seth shook his head, and stepped away from the doorframe. "You know what, don't worry about it. I'm tired. It's been a long night, I'm sure I'll be singing "Like a Virgin" in the morning."
Seth turned around to go, but was stopped by Ryan grabbing his wrist. Before he could even get the question out, Seth felt himself pulled back against a very firm body. Ryan's other arm wrapped around Seth's waist, and rather than attempting extricate himself, Seth blinked several times and wondered when he'd stepped into the Twilight Zone.
"Uh, Ryan?" he began, waiting for an explanation that wasn't immediately forthcoming.
Seth's breathing hitched drastically when he realized Ryan was blanketing Seth's body with his own. Rather than struggling though, Seth went strangely limp. Not all the way limp, but limp enough to sync up with Ryan's breathing, and absorb all the body heat that Ryan was emitting.
It was a lot of heat, like Seth was being rescued by Pyro. Not that Seth needed rescuing, or anything. No. Right.
"Tell me what you wanted it to be like," Ryan said, his breath warm against Seth's ear.
Seth froze at the same time that his dick jumped to attention. There was something pressing against Seth's ass that was not the car keys. Those were in his front pocket. Right. He hadn't noticed this before because what? Oh, because he had just had sex with a girl.
And it had sucked.
Seth took a deep breath that made his body shudder. Ryan's grip around his waist tightened, and Seth's dick twitched in anticipation. Of what he had no idea, except that he was clearly deluded. "I wanted it to mean something."
"Who's to say that it didn't?"
"Me."
"What did Anna say?"
Seth snorted. "That the Pittsburgh Steelers need to go back in time and cryogenically preserve Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris and Lynn Swann."
"Ah."
Ryan was quiet, and for several seconds the bathroom was filled only with the sound of their breathing. Ryan's hold on Seth's wrist loosened, and his hand slid down Seth's leg to rest in the palm of his hand.
"Did you want to be in love?" Ryan's tone wasn't mocking, just curious.
"I'm not stupid," Seth countered. "I know it's not always like that I just thought... dude, never mind."
"I'm not saying you are, I just asked a question." Ryan's hold on Seth loosened, and rather than pulling away Seth turned in the circle of Ryan's arms.
It was strange to see them reflected in the mirror. From the back they almost looked like a couple. It was... good, but weird, because Ryan didn't like Seth like that. Which was why he, they, were being all possessive and touchy feely in the bathroom, obviously. Duh.
Seth shook his head, and laughed to himself. He was the smart one all right.
"What's love got to do with it?" he said eventually.
Ryan's head was still tilted to the side, and his eyes followed Seth's movements cautiously, like a hawk. Yeah, Ryan was a hawk and Seth was his prey. Or not. Seth so had to stop watching National Geographic.
"Some people say it's everything," Ryan said, quietly.
Seth's brain began whirring. There was no way Ryan was saying whatever Seth's brain was hearing. "Dude, you have got to stop watching Lifetime."
Ryan laughed, Seth blinked, and then it just happened. One minute they were standing there, and everything was cool, or not, and then the next Ryan was kissing Seth. Or Seth was kissing Ryan. Whatever happened, there was the mashing of noses and lips. Seth's arms went around Ryan's neck automatically, and someone groaned very loudly when Ryan's tongue found its way into Seth's mouth.
Ryan's lips weren't soft like Anna's, but good god, kissing him was way better. Ryan kissed like he had nothing else to do with the rest of his life, leisurely and with great attention to detail. His tongue explored Seth's mouth, and he nipped at Seth's lower lip, his hands sliding along Seth's lower back. One hand crept under the hem of Seth's tee shirt and the other cupped Seth's ass pulling him against Ryan's hips.
Seth's fingers tangled in Ryan's hair, and he pulled away, gasping at the feel of Ryan hard against him. "Oh, my fucking god," he said, riding Ryan's reflexive upward thrust.
Ryan's grip tightened as Seth began rocking against him. "Is this what you wanted? From Anna?"
Seth drew a blank. "What? Who?"
"Anna. Is this what you wanted it to be like with Anna?"
Seth shook his head as the hand under his shirt began rubbing the small of his back. "Yes, no. I just thought... fuck. I thought I would still want her when it was over."
Ryan's hands stilled and Seth groaned. "So you're not going to want me when this is over?"
"It's not the same thing," Seth said, shifting his hips, attempting to get Ryan back in the game.
"Why not?"
"Because." Seth gasped as Ryan's teeth closed over his earlobe and both of Ryan's hands migrated under the front of Seth's tee shirt.
Anna had given Seth one hell of a blowjob, but she hadn't spent a great amount of time on Seth's nipples during foreplay. Ryan on the other hand seemed fascinated with rubbing Seth's nipples with the pads of his fingers.
Seth rocked against Ryan hurriedly; he wasn't going to be lasting much longer at this rate. Three times in one night was way past his limit.
"Because what?" Ryan coaxed.
Ryan's hands were doing insane things to Seth's nipples, and Seth could just imagine them on his dick. Leaning forward he captured Ryan's mouth in a dirty, wet kiss. It promised all kinds of things that Seth had zero skill at, but for Ryan he was willing to learn. "Because I don't feel the same way about her as I do about you."
"I thought you really liked her." Ryan pinched Seth's nipples lightly and broke the kiss off long enough to yank Seth's shirt over his head.
Seth shuddered when Ryan slid his hands from Seth's waist up his ribcage and over his nipples. Seth's arms hung limply at his sides as Ryan's thumbs rubbed the hardened peaks.
Seth's palms itched to touch Ryan, but he felt certain that interference at a moment like this could lead to sudden death with no extra innings. Or something.
Seth hated organized sports.
"I do. Did," he said, arching upwards as Ryan's hands slid back down his stomach to his jeans.
Ryan paused and glanced up at Seth who had been nodding 'yes' for at least twenty seconds.
"I just like you more," Seth began, biting down on his tongue when Ryan licked the palm of his own hand, and used his body to crowd Seth against the wall. "A lot fucking more."
It was around that time that Seth's brain oozed out his ear, never to be seen again, and whatever pain he should have felt went the way of the pants and boxers puddled in a heap around his ankles. For the second time that evening, someone else's hand was on Seth's cock; Seth could certainly get used to the new order of things.
Scrabbling blindly, he yanked at Ryan's shirt, first trying to pull it off and then using it hold himself up as Ryan's hand began its descent along his cock. First down, then up. Down again, up, a swipe across the head with Ryan's thumb, and Seth's arms were wrapped around Ryan's neck in a death grip.
If Ryan stopped, Seth was going to die. If Ryan didn't stop, Seth was going to die.
Ryan's free arm wrapped around Seth's waist, pulling him closer, and urging Seth on. Seth didn't need an encouragement. The heat from Ryan panting against his neck worked just fine, but Ryan telling him how good he felt, how hot he was, it was like real life porn, only about fifty billion times better. Seth made a choking noise as he came in Ryan's fist, and he let his head drop onto Ryan's shoulder before he extricated himself.
Slumping bonelessly against the wall for several seconds, Seth let his eyes rake over Ryan's body as though hidden somewhere in its depths were the answers to getting through Pro Skater 4 without eating pavement.
Licking dry lips, Seth reached out and grabbed Ryan's shirt again, using it as leverage while drawing Ryan closer. Ryan tilted his head back, a smile playing at his lips. "Is that what you wanted it to be like, Seth?"
"Almost," Seth admitted, before sliding his hand down the front of Ryan's sweatpants. The look of shock on Ryan's face would have Seth crowing gleefully for at least a week when he thought about it. But that would be later. Right now, Seth's fingers groped cautiously through soft hair until they found what they were looking for, and Ryan groaned as Seth's fingers closed around his erection.
Ryan was slightly thicker than Seth, and Seth felt the overwhelming urge to pull back Ryan's sweatpants so he could see what the hell he was doing. He figured that would be kind of rude though. Instead he took a page out of Ryan's book and extracted his hand long enough to rid Ryan of his shirt and lick the palm of his own hand before sticking it down Ryan's sweatpants, again, thereby allowing Seth to look at all the naked Ryan he wanted.
There was a lot of skin to look at, and Seth's breath caught in his throat when he wrapped his hand around Ryan's cock for the second time. The moisture on his palm seemed to cement Seth's hand to Ryan, and he stroked tentatively at first, watching Ryan's expression carefully. Seth took the gasping as a good sign, increasing his pressure and speed until Ryan's hand slid down to join his own, and Ryan leaned forward and kissed Seth hard enough for Seth's legs to start wobbling all over again.
Their teeth clacked together, and Seth made a very unmanly whimper when Ryan pulled away long enough to whisper, "Harder."
Several seconds later, Ryan came with a sharp nip to Seth's lower lip, and Seth's entire body jerked even though there was nothing left to give.
There was an awkward silence before Seth leaned over and snagged a washcloth from beside the sink. He shuffle-jumped with his jeans still tangled around his ankles, ignoring the snort from Ryan.
"I always find these handy at times like this," he quipped, shooting Ryan a grin before turning on the water and running the cloth under the faucet.
"This happens to you a lot?" Ryan said.
His voice seemed oddly toneless, and Seth whirled around as fast as his jean-bonded legs would let him.
"It was a joke," Seth said. Shaking his head when Ryan grinned. "Yeah... so, no. But the first time was so good I'm hoping there'll be a second time. Besides hygiene is important."
Seth turned off the water and wrung out the wet cloth. He offered it to Ryan tentatively, flinching when drops of water landed on his leg.
"So this first time was okay?" Ryan queried.
"Okay. Amazing. Mind-blowing. Things like that," Seth babbled, suddenly much more aware of all his nakedness. He wasn't prone to blushing or anything, but dude, very naked. With Ryan. Little Seth wasn't suddenly feeling so aggressive any more.
Ryan took the cloth, only to begin wiping Seth off with it, and Little Seth began to perk up.
"So you would want to do it again?" Ryan asked casually, using his free hand to move Seth's arms up and down so he could clean off Seth's ribs. It tickled. It also made Seth feel like a huge bird. Yeah, way too much National Geographic.
Seth grinned as Ryan moved to wipe off his chest. "How about now? Does now work for you?"
"What about Anna?"
"Anna who?"
"Seth."
Seth shrugged. "Is it wrong that I'd rather be with you instead?"
Ryan blinked. "No," his voice was uncertain. "I don't think so."
"Good, because I'm not changing my mind."
Ryan smiled. "Glad to hear it."