Where The Water's Deep
Gravity is still working, and the earth is still turning. Bright knows this because his feet are still on the ground and the moon is still rising in the sky. The rest of the universe doesn't care that Colin just punched him three times in the face; no, it's only Bright's personal universe that just came crashing down around his ears.
Colin has punched him once before, and that was when they were both extremely drunk so it didn't really matter. This--this matters.
Ephram Brown is staring at him, he realizes. And he remembers that he just sacrificed the only friendship that's ever mattered to him for this skinny angry punk that he's disliked from the moment he first saw him.
Ephram was right, though. Ephram's been right, and Bright's been a coward. Now Bright's done the right thing, and still feels like a scared-shitless-coward. Still feels like going home and hiding his head under the covers until all of this goes away.
"We should get some ice on your face," Ephram says, his voice neutral. We?
Judging by the way Ephram's holding the arm Colin twisted behind him, he could use some medical attention, too. "My dad's office is down the street. No one will be there," Bright says, and his voice sounds like someone else's voice. Someone Else who just got their asses kicked by their best friend. Not Bright.
Ephram doesn't suggest that they use his dad's office, and soon Bright is jimmying the window locks and climbing in, helping Ephram in after him. He finds an ace bandage for Ephram and some ice packs for him, and feels like he's sleepwalking. Like any minute now, he'll wake up and the world will be right again.
He's never had a panic attack before, and he doesn't know if he's having one now, or if he's just deeply fucked-up. Possibly both.
They don't talk, because there's nothing to say. Bright wonders if Ephram is supposed to be his new best friend, now that he doesn't have Colin, and the thought makes him slightly nauseous.
He doesn't want another best friend.
Bright clumsily wraps Ephram's arm, and Ephram just stares at him. Not in a creepy way, just sort of like he's--studying Bright. Okay, so maybe it's kind of creepy.
"Thank you."
Bright doesn't want to be thanked. He wants to shove Ephram away and maybe punch him a few times and tell him that this doesn't change anything, even though it's changed everything.
"No problem."
When they're walking out the door, Bright pushes Ephram against the wall and kisses him hard, because. Because Ephram is there and Bright is there, and Bright isn't going to kiss Colin like this ever again.
Bright isn't going to feel sorry for himself. So Amy hates him and is in complete utter fucking denial; so his parents have no idea what's going on; so his best friend in the entire universe has turned into someone else who hates him; so everyone in school is shunning him because he's no longer in with the Homecoming King. So what?
Bright isn't the brooding type, not really. (Colin once told him that brooding was bad for his complexion. Bright sometimes wonders how anyone ever thought that guy was all-the-way straight.)
So he kissed Ephram Brown. So what? So now Ephram looks at him like he's someone different. Like suddenly, he's not Dumbo, the butt of all of Ephram's oh-so-witty jokes; no, now he's the guy that took Ephram's side against Colin. He doesn't have the heart to tell Ephram that most of the time, he wishes he could take the whole night back.
Kind of. Sort of. Maybe.
Okay, so really he doesn't, because he's still giving Colin the cold shoulder, and he's still pissed at everyone for being so fucking blind and he still thinks Ephram was right. But sometimes he thinks that maybe his life would be easier, if he hadn't pulled Colin off of Ephram, if he still pretended that Colin was just like he used to be, and that nothing was wrong.
He doesn't really feel like being Ephram's friend or anything more than that, but like it or not they're kind of in this together. And offering Ephram a ride home seems like the right thing to do, and it feels as right as anything does these days; and when Ephram offers to help him study, and the studying turns into other things, that feels right, too.
Ephram keeps trying to 'talk' about 'them.' Like Bright is something that he has to figure out, like it's not enough that they're both there and they both have bodies, so why not? Bright hates these talks, because he's a shitty liar, and he doesn't want to tell Ephram that, for the most part? He's only doing this because it's something to do.
So he humors Ephram, which makes him feel kind of weird, because it's very unlike him. Bright has always been blunt and up-front and the worst liar in Everwood. Honesty Is The Best Policy is a kindergarten rule that he imprinted on early and never really left behind. And while he doesn't think Ephram would really mind Bright telling him the nasty truth, because Ephram is definitely only with Bright because he can't have Amy, it's hard to be sure.
Ephram wants this, anyway. And it's easier to do what other people want than to try and figure things out on his own. Always has been.
After Colin falls down twitching on the floor of his kitchen, Bright goes back to the lake. It's so quiet up here that he can close his eyes and imagine that he could be anywhere, anyone, and there's no evidence to the contrary.
He's been stuck here, he thinks. For nine months straight, he's been stuck in that day--in his dark blue swim trunks that were too small for him, jumping off a stupid branch into a stupid lake. He had dozed off next to Colin, and when he woke up Colin and Amy were swimming together, leaving him on the shore.
Bright doesn't know how to get unstuck.
It's the end of March, which means the water is probably only ten degrees at most above freezing. He's taking off the jacket before his brain catches up with his body, but even when it does he doesn't hesitate. Just strips off his shirt, pants, shoes and boxers.
He's never felt anything as cold as this water is when he dives off the tree-branch diving board. It's the kind of cold that you can't move in, that makes you panic and think you're going to drown. The kind of cold that seeps into your lungs and makes you forget everything else.
He stubbornly stays in the water until his body gets used to it, and starts swimming laps all around the lake, from one shore to the other, until his lungs are burning and his body is almost completely numb. He finally drags himself back onto the shore, and he's shivering and his skin is more blue than pink. He didn't bring a towel, so he just lies on the sand until he's mostly dry. He gets sand in his boxers, which always sucks, but it's not as bad as he remembers it being.
He doesn't go straight home. He goes to Ephram's house, and Ephram gets in the truck with him. They drive aimlessly around, Ephram chatting about meaningless bullshit and Bright occasionally nodding, until somehow they're kissing. Ephram climbs into his lap without being asked, and Bright doesn't even have to ask for Ephram's hand on his dick. It's there already, stroking just the right way, and Bright is so hard that it only takes a few seconds before the orgasm washes over him.
When he opens his eyes, Ephram has his own hand down his pants, and brushes off Bright's attempts to help. Bright just watches the movement of Ephram's shoulders, his hand, the way his muscles tense and un-tense and the way his long eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks when he closes his eyes and comes.
Ephram doesn't mention not seeing Bright in class today, and somehow Bright almost thinks that Ephram knows where he was. Which is stupid, because how could Ephram know? Ephram doesn't even know that lake exists.
At dinner that night, Amy gives him and his parents the full update on Colin's state. She gives his parents her whole 'this was such a shock' and 'I thought he was doing so well' routine, and his parents eat it right up. God, she's so full of shit--she's known Colin wasn't better since way before he beat up Bright.
His parents and Amy all give him dirty looks, like they're annoyed that he isn't showing enough concern for his former best friend. Fuck off, he wants to tell them; That's not Colin. It won't ever be Colin, Colin's dead, I already did my grieving so fuck the hell off.
He eats his mashed potatoes instead.