Title: Condemned to You
	Authors: Pot and Kettle Productions (aka Wyrdchaos and RabidX)
	Rating: NC-17
	Pairing: Angel/Xander
	Summary: Xander gets hit with a spell and only Angel can save him.
	Spoilers: Um, no not really. Nothing to place this except Riley still 
	being around. 
	Disclaimer: Joss Whedon created and own these guys. Pot and Kettle 
	Productions own the story here. Joss makes money, we make feedback 
	(bp_potandkettle@yahoo.com). If these guys were ours, everyone would 
	be naked to solve personal problems.
	Notes: Thanks to Waldo our beta. Poor guy, straight but forced to 
	read our slash. We really put him through the ringer this time. We 
	split this into 2 parts due to length, otherwise it's a one piece 
	tale. The unbroken version can be found at: Boiling Point 
	(www.angelfire.com/weird2/wyrdchaos/) for now.
	~ ~ thoughts for formatting sake.


Angel looked up from the book he'd been reading. It was too late for 
a client, well a normal one. ~Do we have normal clients?~ With 
everyone else having gone home, and not locking the door again... 
~Mental note: check the locks~... he would have to deal with it. 
Putting the book down, he crossed the lobby to help... Xander Harris? 
The boy was just standing there, a glazed look on his slack face. It 
would have been typical if there was a television around. Angel moved 
closer, looking behind the stunned youth. No one else came in the 
door. What the hell? 

"Xander? What's up?" he asked, stopping in front of the now 
disturbingly unresponsive boy.

Blinking rapidly as if coming out of a dream, Xander tried to focus 
on the person who spoke... The person in front of him... ~There was a 
person, right?~ He blinked a couple of more times, and spoke 
hesitantly, "An-gel?"
His voice was hoarse and broken, as if over used or not used enough. 
It hurt. "Can- can I- water?"

Angel stared. What had happened to Xander? His clothes were filthy 
and torn up. "Yeah, of course. C'mon, let's sit you down." He slung 
an arm under Xander's and led him to the round couch. "Stay right 
there," he said, "I'll get you water." Dashing to the small kitchen, 
he got a bottle of Cordelia's water out of the fridge. As he came 
back, Angel noticed Xander's sneakers were nearly worn through. Had 
he walked all the way to LA? "Here, drink slowly, okay?" Angel handed 
over the water and sat down next to Xander. 

"Of course... of course... of course..." Xander whispered to himself. 
The water bottle slipped from his hands and bounced off the floor. 
Xander dully watched it roll away. "Hands... don't seem to work." 

"No problem," Angel said, fetching the water. He was seriously 
starting to get creeped out. However, looking back, Angel realized 
there was no point in pressing. Xander looked completely traumatized. 
Later, he could ask later, maybe even call Giles or something. 
Opening the bottle, Angel sat back down. "Um... here." He held the 
bottle up to Xander's lips. 

The water seemed to spark something inside Xander, jumpstart his 
instincts... Both hands flew up to grasp Angel's and the tilted 
bottle. Water was sloshing all over Xander as he desperately tried to 
suck the water right through the plastic. Little gurgling gasps 
escaped as he tried to breathe at the same time. He was so thirsty. 
Parched like sand under the sun.

"Woah woah woah!" Angel said, pulling the bottle back. "Careful or 
you'll make yourself sick." Xander's hands were almost fever hot on 
his. Shaking his head, Angel wiped some of the wet off Xander's dusty 
face. "Calm down, there's plenty, okay?"  

Like a rubber band stretched too tight, everything snapped back into 
focus for Xander in an instant. One moment hazy oblivion, the next 
clarity, of a sort. He gaped at Angel, unbelievingly. "Deadboy? 
What?" Xander looked around wildly. "Where am I?"

"Calm down." Angel repeated. "You're in LA, my hotel." One hand found 
its way instinctively to the small of Xander's back, rubbing lightly, 
trying to soothe. "You just walked in here a moment ago. Any idea 
what happened to you?"  ~And maybe why you're here? You hate me.~ 

"Calm down. Calm down? CALM DOWN?!" Xander's voice steadily rose, 
part in panic and part in anger. "I'm in LA... With you! And I have 
no clue how I got here!" He jumped to his feet, or rather he tried 
to. Immediately, his muscles clued him into another salient fact. One 
he hadn't been aware of... He hurt. All over. Muscles seized in one 
large cramp as Xander fell back to the couch. "Ow," he softly exhaled 
as a tear coursed down his cheek.

Shaking his head, Angel knelt and removed the beaten shoes and holey 
socks. "Yes, calm down. I've got no more of an idea of why you're 
here than you do and I can't help if you get hysterical." He started 
kneading Xander's feet and lower legs, working out the tight 
muscles. "I promise to let you have plenty of hysteria time in a bit. 
Right now, let's deal with the physical." The tear caught Angel's eye 
and he reached up and wiped it away. "Okay?" He bent back to his task 
of relieving the cramps.

"Yeah," Xander whispered, hoarsely. Even the rising hysteria couldn't 
cut through the pain. Every muscle in his body screamed in protest of 
movement, trying to twist themselves tighter. He leaned back and 
tried to relax. Let his muscles unknot and his mind unwind... Angel's 
hands were helping, working magic... It hurt, but where he touched, 
it began to hurt less. Dull to a manageable ache. "Thanks," he 
whispered and managed a wan smile, "You're pretty okay at that..."

"Thanks and you're welcome." Angel gave Xander a small smile back. He 
worked his way up to Xander's thighs. "Um, it's gonna hurt more in 
the bigger muscles. Just thought I'd warn you." As he massaged as 
carefully as the knots warranted, Angel shook his head. "You know, 
this would be easier if you were laying down. Or even after a hot 
bath."

"Yeah... sounds good in theory. Don't think I can move though..." 
Xander mumbled, distractedly. Angel hands... Angel's hands on him... 
On his thighs. Something was sluggishly trying to assert itself in 
his brain. An unclear message. A foggy direction. Vaguely, it felt 
like the compulsion of a possession, but not really. Xander was 
certain, with his experience, that was something he would recognize. 
He squeezed his eyes shut attempting to corner the vague thought. He 
was supposed to do something.. Something? "Angel? I- I think there's 
something wrong... With me. More than..." His hand drifted slowly to 
his head.

"Xander, what is it?" Angel asked, moving to sit next to the confused 
dark haired mortal. The creepy feeling from before was back. Whatever 
was driving Xander looked like it was close to driving him right out 
of his mind. "Whatever it is, I'll help." Dark eyes searched Xander's 
face.

"You will?" Xander's eyes fluttered opened, uncertain. He was so 
tired... Hurt so much. Felt like he was burning up. He focused on 
Angel's eyes, and all that fell away. Fell away for a new pain. One 
that slammed through his brain and body with an iron certainty. He 
knew why he was here... Knew what he had to do. He pressed his lips 
to the vampire's, murmuring, "Fuck me...," fatigue and pain forgotten.

Xander was kissing him. Xander had asking to be fucked. Angel's eyes 
were wide with shock. This was beyond unexpected. It had to be some 
sort of spell. He should really push Xander away and call Wesley... 
no, Giles. Now. Angel's hands came up and grabbed Xander's arms, 
pushing him back carefully. "Xander, I want to help, but I don't 
think this is what *you* really want. This is some kind of spell or 
something. You don't even really like me, remember? Let me get you 
upstairs and call Giles, okay?" 

"Noooooooooo..." Xander squirmed in Angel's grasp, trying to re-
initiate contact. Kiss whatever patch of bare skin he could squirm 
into reach. Feverishly, he freed his hands and tried to touch the 
vampire everywhere all at once, begging almost mindlessly, "Need... 
Gotta... Please. Fuck me! You... Gotta..."

"Xander! Ah... You can't... oh God..." Angel grabbed at Xander's 
hands again. They were everywhere. Finally, he got them and held them 
still. "Xander, stop it! This is not you. Think dammit!" 

"Please..." Xander knew his behavior was completely right of center, 
somewhere inside he *did* know that, but couldn't stop. The need 
burned in him, stripping everything else away. Unable to use his 
hands, he wiggled and twisted trying to wrap his legs around the 
vampire... He had to touch Angel. A higher imperative than 
breathing... Than living. "Please... Fuck me! Gotta! Gonna die... 
Need you! Anything you want... Just do it!"

Angel had to fight not to throw Xander across the lobby. This was so 
wrong. To make matters worse, Angel was getting hard from all the 
squirming. Fuck. This was *not* the way he wanted to take Xander... 
anyone... to bed. ~Maybe if I just knock him out... God, he's burning 
up!~ "Xander," Angel's voice cracked. "Please stop? I... I can't. Who 
did this to you?"

Xander stilled his struggles. This was getting him no closer to his 
goal. A goal. An imperative. Something that overrode everything that 
he was, or might be. He couldn't overpower the vampire, even if he 
had been in top shape, which he wasn't at the moment. Animal cunning 
took over where his brain might have been once. He rubbed slowly 
against Angel. The vampire was saying 'no', but he wanted to 
say 'yes'. The growing hardness Xander could just barely rub against 
was testimony to that... He just needed to find the right trigger. He 
whispered hoarsely, "Yes, you can... I want you to. Come on Deadboy, 
this is your chance... Take me and put me in my place. Don't try 
tellin' me it's never crossed your mind." He was so taut with need he 
was shaking. "You wanna bite me too? Fuck and feed? I'm cool with 
that..." Some small fraction of himself, buried under the feverish 
compulsion, screamed. 

Angel froze. Everything that Xander just said hit him hard. In the 
guts, in the heart, in the groin. The only way either of them were 
going to get out of this unscathed was for him to knock Xander out. 
Chains and a gag would't work, Xander would just struggle and writhe 
and look too damn good that way. Angel shuddered. ~Got to stop 
thinking like that!~ Setting his jaw, Angel stood and pulled Xander 
up. "I still don't think this is a good idea, Xander." Angel turned 
the over stimulated youth partially around, "But, I did say 
whatever." Giving Xander a sad smile, Angel whipped his fist up and 
knocked Xander unconscious. 

Quick reflexes saved Xander from hitting the floor. Angel scooped him 
up and headed upstairs. Shuffling around, he finally got Xander in 
his room and on the bed. The irony didn't fail him as he sat down and 
picked up the phone. It took him a moment, but he remembered Giles' 
phone number. Now if the Ex-Watcher was home...

Frantically dashing across the room, stumbling against the desk, 
Giles desperately snatched at the phone receiver, and 
prayed. "Hello?! Xander?!"

"Um, no. Angel. But he's here." Angel shifted the phone and looked 
back at Xander, shaking his head. "Giles, what in the hell happened?"

Giles sat down shakily, almost missing the chair. "He's there? In LA? 
Oh dear God. Is he okay? Please tell me he's okay..." 

Angel fought back a growl. "Yeah, he's here and he's unconscious. It 
looks like he walked the whole way here." A world weary sigh (pat. 
pend.)escaped Angel. "And I don't know if he's okay. He's acting like 
he's under some sort of spell. What happened?"

"How exactly is he acting..." Giles hedged, cautiously. "He hasn't- 
He hasn't done anything untoward? Has he?"

Only Giles would use a word like untoward. "Sorta... Yes... Dammit, 
Giles! Tell me what's going on so I can help him!" Angel barely 
controlled the shout, not wanting to rupture Giles' eardrums or 
possibly wake Xander. "Please," he said in a softer tone.

"Yes, quite," Giles' sighed and shook his head, "Unreasonably, I had 
hoped he had escaped the spell's effects, even though he disappeared, 
but it seems not... He's feverish yes? Single minded about- about 
getting you to have sex, yes?"

"Um, yes and yes." Angel shifted. Giles was nearly in lecture mode 
and Angel felt like a student caught staring out the window. "There's 
a counter spell or something, right?"

"We're still searching, but no, not to my knowledge. It's an ancient 
bonding spell, used by vampires of warring clans... Back when vampire 
clans were large and demons went underground, so to speak. Called in 
the vernacular "Love the Hateful Dead". I have no idea where this 
minion found it. It was supposed to have been lost millennia ago. 
Buffy was the intended target of course. It missed her and hit... er, 
another of our party. Xander was in the direct path of the spell, but 
further back. We had hoped he was out of range," Giles said, pausing 
for both breath and strength. He continued on stalwartly, "Angel, if 
he's bonded to you, you're going to have to complete the bond. Xander 
will burn himself out, literally, if you don't.."

Angel blinked. No way. He'd heard vague rumors of something like 
that, and had dismissed them as a fanciful romantic myth. "Xander got 
hit? I have to... Giles, do you know what you're saying? I don't want 
Xander to die, but if this bond... it's going to go both ways, you 
realize that? I mean, never mind the whole Angelus thing." Angel 
rubbed his eyes. Bonds were serious business and again he was 
reminded how much Xander Harris hated him. "Wait, another member?"

"If you don't, he will die. In horrible pain. Driven insane by the 
compulsion. We were almost too late in figuring it out for..." Giles 
paused, uncertain, but concluded Angel needed to know, "almost too 
late for Riley."

"Riley." Buffy's soldier. "He got hit too? Who'd he have to bond 
with?" Angel couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. It 
wasn't over Riley, but the whole damnable situation. "And Angelus 
will kill or turn Xander, you know that." Turn him after a long 
torture. Angelus always wanted Xander.

"I don't think so, really. In theory, bonding with Xander just may 
cement your soul... Maybe even merge it with your demon. Technically, 
the bond would be tied to both soul and demon...  I think.  Neither 
would be able to be vacated, after the, er, process. Well, in theory 
that is. In theory, this spell should have never worked on a human. 
In theory, Xander shouldn't be dying." Giles sighed and then chuckled 
inappropriately, "Oh, congratulations... You have an ex-Initiative 
son-in-law." ~Gallow's humor old man.  Laugh or start screaming.~  

Angel's jaw dropped. Riley and Spike? How in the world was Buffy 
taking that? For that matter, Spike? If he'd been planning a trip to 
Sunnydale anytime in the future, Angel would cancel it now. No way 
was he going to get caught in that. "Right. So all I have to do to 
save Xander is to sleep with him, complete the bond. And in theory, 
Angelus won't pop back and kill him. Great. Wonderful." Angel sighed 
again. "Okay, I'll... I guess we'll just hope one of us calls you in 
a while." 

"Not the best of plans..." Giles replied, stuttering. "If we had the 
time, I'd say wait until I or Willow could get to LA with the soul 
restoration spell..."

"But we don't have the time, do we? He walked here, Giles. That's 
about six hours. I trust your judgment on the theory of this. I have 
to." Angel stood and paced next to the bed. "Maybe... maybe I can 
have Wes come over and I can't believe I'm saying this, stand guard 
outside. If I change, the bond will stop me from killing Xander. It 
will be overwhelming so there will be time to... stake me if needed." 
Just then, Xander moaned and thrashed about. Angel sat back down and 
rubbed his back gently. "Giles, he's waking up and I really don't 
want to have to knock him out again. What do we do?"

"Wesley's number quickly... I'll ring him with the particulars," 
Giles said quickly. "You- you take care of Xander."

Angel gave him the number and rung off. He looked down at Xander, 
still mostly out, and sighed. Brushing a strand of hair off the 
sweaty face, Angel murmured, "It's going to be okay, Xander. I'll 
take care of you." Rising, Angel headed to the bathroom and came back 
with a cool wash cloth. Sitting back down, he carefully wiped the 
sweat and road grime off. 

Xander was an excellent swimmer. Always had been, even before the 
swim team. But the currents were dark and strong, and he felt so 
tired... Limbs like lead and lungs on fire. All he wanted to do was 
rest... sink to the bottom and sleep. No more fire or fighting. He 
just didn't think- If he woke up the compulsion would be there again. 
He murmured, "Better to die."

"No dying on my watch," Angel said. "C'mon, Xander, wake up." He 
leaned closer and tried to ignore the guilt creeping up his spine. 
Gently he pulled Xander upright. "I talked to Giles. I know about the 
spell." Angel kept talking, pulling off the ratty jacket and shirt 
Xander was wearing. "I'm not going to let you die, Xander." With a 
hand he hadn't even realized was shaking until now, Angel stroked 
Xander's cheek. Could he really do this? Fuck Xander so he wouldn't 
die? It wasn't as if he'd never noticed Xander's looks before, the 
kid was attractive if goofy. Now though, Xander looked like he did 
that night in the library. The night after Faith had nearly strangled 
him to death. Pale, wan and completely lost, the only thing missing 
tonight were the ligature marks. It made Angel mad, seeing him used 
again. Yeah, he could do it. ~Just pray it's you when it's over.~

Xander's eyes flickered open against his will, and a moan escaped his 
lips unbidden. The fever inside him cranked up another notch and he 
shivered against the fire. "Should have left me out of it," he ground 
out between gritted teeth, "Should have- Should lock me up. Throw 
away key. Can't fight it... Can't...." Whatever else he might have 
said was lost in a sob as Xander instinctively pressed his cheek into 
Angel's palm.

"Shhh, shhh," Angel whispered and brought his other hand up, cradling 
Xander's head. "I know you can't. It's okay." He swallowed and 
continued, staring into scared hazel toned eyes. "We're going to do 
this, okay? Not letting you die." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss 
on Xander's lips, whispering against them. "You don't deserve death, 
Xander. Especially not this way."


Xander stared at Angel for a confused moment. Was that supposed to 
make sense? He didn't know, and for the most part didn't care. Angel 
had touched him and kissed him, willingly. That was Xander's sense 
and sensibility now, washing away the last fragile threads of hard 
won control. He shivered and pressed his lips to Angel's cool mouth. 
Somewhere deep inside, wound in his guts, he knew Angel would put out 
the fire... Angel and only Angel. He parted his lips, offering the 
vampire his mouth. Offering Angel whatever he wanted... That's why he 
was here. That was his existence now.

~If only he'd come to me on his own, so much could have been 
different..~ Angel dismissed the longing thought. They'd worry about 
the details later. Right now, there were other considerations.  He 
slicked his tongue in-between the parted lips, getting his first 
taste of Xander. Sweet, warm, and tinged heavy with desire, enough 
that Angel moaned softly, threading his hand into messy dark hair and 
pulled Xander closer. He let his own desire grow, shoving away 
thoughts of spells and Angelus. Letting the kiss get messy, he 
mouthed his way along Xander's jaw, licking at the stubble, seeking 
his pulse along the side of his neck. 

Strangely enough, Angel's kisses brought a peace to Xander's mind, 
and while they didn't lessen the fire raging inside him, they did cut 
through the haze in his brain. He'd been accepted. Instinct told him 
this, though he had no idea why it was important or why it gave him 
peace in the midst of storm. Suddenly, he tensed at the touch of 
Angel's mouth at his throat... Had he felt teeth? A small tiny part 
of him wanted to push Angel away... Away from that. The larger part 
urged him to press his throat upward and beg for the fangs. The fire 
roared in his ears again, and he understood. This was part of it. He 
followed his body's direction and turned his head giving Angel 
complete access to his throat. "Anything," he whispered, surrendering 
to the longing to be taken in every way.

"Oh God," Angel whispered against the maddening pulse under Xander's 
skin. If Xander was to be bonded, he had to bite him. He'd known 
that, but the submissive act made his resurgent erection throb. Made 
him franticly struggle to get his shirt buttons open and throw the 
thing to the floor. Clutching Xander to his chest, he laid the mortal 
back, nipping and sucking at his shoulder, collarbone, anything he 
could get to without letting go. He rose up on his arms and rocked 
his crotch against Xander's, groaning. 

A strangled yowl caught in Xander's throat. Angel was everywhere. 
Hands. Mouth. Body. Cock. ~Oh god.~ Xander could feel Angel's hard 
cock thrust against his own, and it was a bliss he'd never known 
before. He arched into Angel, trying to get more of everything. He 
eeped loudly as he gained carnal knowledge of his zipper. Grabbing 
Angel's shoulder's, Xander gasped out, "Pants off! Now! Bad, bad 
pants!"

Angel stopped and stared down, a laugh rumbling through him. Bad 
pants indeed. He stood and made quick work of his, throwing them 
aside where ever his shirt had landed, knelt next to Xander's legs 
and undid the fly of Xander's cargo pants. Trying not to rip them 
off, he coaxed Xander into raising his hips so he could remove them 
with the... black smiley face boxers. Somewhere, deep in a drawer, he 
had a pair like them, given by Cordelia as a gag Christmas gift. 
Angel chuckled again and pulled them off. He laid his body back down 
on Xander's, relishing the near inferno heat pouring off the dark 
haired young man. He moved slowly, knowing this wasn't going to last 
much longer. ~Hurry, Wes.~

Xander hissed and moaned, pressing himself upward against Angel. 
Flesh on flesh. Angel was so cool. Xander wanted to crawl inside him 
and bank the fire raging inside his own body. He wanted to drown in 
the cool water. Be a part of Angel. Be Angel's. He just didn't have a 
single clue on how to get there from here.  Point A and point B had 
never seemed this far apart, ever. He'd never been attracted to 
another man, much less wanted to have sex, wanted to be had, by one. 
Wasn't gay. Never had a homoerotic thought in his head. ~Liar guy! 
Okay, had the thought, but everyone has those.  M'not gay.  Not even 
a little.~ 

Shaking and uncertain, Xander stroked at Angel's skin tentatively, 
exploring the musculature of Angel's shoulders and back. "Buff-guy," 
he murmured, "Very muscle guy." ~Very much the guy.~ Xander was 
flooded with an unexpected wave of desire, unconnected to the 
compulsion. Angel was strong. Angel was strong enough for him. To 
take him and take care of him. Angel was strong enough for both of 
them.  He trembled a little more. "Angel? Need you...," he stammered, 
embarrassed now, "I've never... I don't know..." He broke off 
confused, looking to Angel for answers or actions. 

Angel stroked Xander's hair back. "It's okay, I have and I know. I'll 
be careful." ~Unlike Spike's first time. This *will* be gentle.~ He 
kissed Xander again, and then slid slowly down the twitching body 
beneath him. Scooping up Xander by the hips, he nuzzled the straining 
erection jutting out of dark curls. He took a deep breath, impressing 
Xander's scent on his brain. Sweaty, musky, bay and salt, deeply 
Xander. His tongue flicked out to lick the shaft twice, letting the 
smells explode into taste. A soft moan rose from his throat and he 
slid his tongue further down and back, parting Xander's cheeks. 
Licking and prodding, he pushed his tongue into the small, tight hole 
it found. 

Xander thought for a moment he had swallowed his own tongue. He 
glurbled, not really talking or moaning. His hands grasped sheet as 
his focus tilted. He'd sort of expected the attention to his cock. He 
was guy.  Cocksucking, well that was always, if not expected, dearly 
hoped or negotiated for.  But what Angel was doing to him... What 
that tongue was doing to him. It was unexpected. It was disturbing. 
It was incredible. A full throated moan managed to escape the 
strangle vise of his throat, and Xander tried to move his shaky limbs 
wider.
 

Angel shouldered his way further between Xander's legs, tongue 
thrusting deeper in and out. A growl started deep in his chest as he 
felt himself getting caught up in what he was doing. Angelus may have 
wanted the boy, but Angel was going to have him. For as long as 
Xander was alive. Strange, feathery tickles of the spell wove their 
way into his mind as it started to begin the bond. He pulled back and 
away just as he felt his gameface start to emerge. ~Crap! I... can't 
lose it now. Got to stay in control...~ But the spell pulled at him 
now, urging the completion of the Rite. "Xander, don't be afraid," he 
whispered. Using his fangs, he cut a gash in his wrist and let the 
blood drip on his cock. It was all he had and it had worked well 
enough before. Pulling Xander onto his lap, he carefully began to 
ease in. ~Oh Hell! He's so hot, so damn... small there...~ It was 
like pushing into a furnace, slowly burning and good.

"Afrai-" A shift in positions. A glimpse of gameface. And then pain. 
Xander dug his fingernails into Angel's flesh. ~Oh God, it hurts!~ 
Pain burned and shook him to his core. Mouth opened in a silent 
scream, he slowly sunk onto Angel's cock. Xander tried to disengage 
himself from the pain, breathing heavily. It didn't matter. It made 
no difference. It was necessary. He had to have this. No matter what 
the cost. Finally, after what seemed like days, he came to rest. 
Angel was inside him, and he could feel the compulsion, for lack of a 
better word, changing. He was becoming Angel's. He laid his head 
against the vampire's shoulder, breathing heavily.

Angel held Xander tight, stroking his back, pulling them chest to 
chest. He could smell the sweat slicked pain on Xander's skin, hear 
it in his breathing, feel it in the heart hammering against his 
chest. The gameface melted away as he crooned nonsense into Xander's 
ear. Slowly, he felt the inferno around his cock relax. Wrapping his 
left arm around Xander's waist, he began to stroke the younger man's 
failing erection with his right hand. Kissing the bowed neck, he 
stayed still except for that hand. "We move when you're ready."

It still hurt. Angel inside him still hurt, but it was lessening as 
Xander's internal muscles rearranged themselves. Angel's hand was 
stroking the fire inside him, giving pleasure in the midst of the 
pain. It warmed him on multiple levels, not just the erotic. It meant 
Angel wanted him to enjoy this. It wasn't required, but it was- nice. 
It was unexpected, nice, and made Xander melt a little. He leaned 
back a little to look into Angel's face, hissing a little as he felt 
the vampire's cock shift inside him. Releasing the death grip he had 
on one shoulder, Xander caressed Angel's face in mute gratitude. 
Ignoring the tears running down his face, he kissed Angel gently. Not 
the hungry, desperate kisses of earlier. A gentle kiss. Xander smiled 
wanly and nodded. 

Did Xander even understand how beautiful he was right now? Angel 
didn't know, but the tiny smile and the sweetest of kisses, combined 
with the luminous eyes and the total look of surprise and trust, 
nearly undid the vampire. He rubbed his forehead on Xander's and 
began to move his hips up and down with the utmost care. That small 
amount of friction sent shudders through him. He put his head to 
Xander's chest, choking back a sob.

Alien. The feeling of another man's cock moving inside Xander was 
alien. To be fucked instead of being the one doing the fucking... It 
was strange, and, while not as painful as it initially had been, 
definitely uncomfortable. The small part of his brain that was still 
working wondered why any guy would *want* to do this... The hand on 
his cock was nice, but- Angel shifted and an electric jolt shot 
through Xander's body. Exploded inside him, shattering his sight into 
prismatic rainbows. Both hands resumed their death grip on Angel's 
shoulders, and he exhaled, "Oh."

Angel looked up at Xander's face, saw it alight with wonder and 
smiled. He canted his hips again and locked eyes with Xander's, 
wanting to see the face he made. It was certainly going to be Angel's 
undoing, as sure as the heated body riding him was. As sure as the 
slightly painful grip, like Xander was clinging to a lifeline, was. 
He moved his hand faster, running his thumb over the soft edge of 
Xander's cockhead, determined to make Xander enjoy this as much as 
possible. The strange fluttery feeling was back, urging him on. 
Trying to get him to complete the claim, finish the spell. He growled 
and fought to keep from just slamming harder and harder into Xander's 
willing body. "I answer your call, Alexander, and claim you as mine 
and mine alone." ~Where in the hell did that come from?~ 

Xander moaned, and from deep inside the words rose and poured from 
him. "I answer your call, Angel.." he fought for a moment to hold 
back the flow, but the compulsion would not brook his 
interference, "and Angelus! I claim you as mine and mine alone." 
Xander gasped. He was getting close. Angel's hand. Angel's cock. His 
body conspiring against him. Xander shuddered in pleasure unexpected. 
He clasped his hands to the sides of Angel's face, and focusing on 
Angel's eyes, the rest flowed out. "I claim your clan as mine. Kith 
and Kin. Your death is my death!" Xander threw his head back as 
another explosion of pleasure rocked his being. Something inside him 
was breaking, fragmenting into a million pieces, and rebuilding 
itself. They were almost there. 

Somewhere, deep inside Angel's mind, Angelus howled. This was not the 
way it was supposed to be, he was not to be thwarted in this way! A 
bright light flared in Angel's eyes as Angelus faded. Not away, but 
bound tightly by the ritual. ~Thank you, Giles!~ "I claim your clan 
as mine. Kith and Kin. Your death is my death!" Angel nearly shouted, 
as he felt his fangs descend again. It felt like something had 
wrapped itself tight around his heart and soul. A circle not quite 
complete, but it made electricity dance along his nerves. So damn 
close. Just one more thing to be done. "Look at me, Xander!" he 
commanded, eyes flashing yellow. 

Xander's head snapped back and he locked gazes with Angel. The golden 
eyed face of a demon. He smiled unafraid. He wasn't sure if it was 
the spell or instinct or what... But he had no fear any more. No 
pain. Only pleasure and the sure knowledge that he'd never be alone 
again. Laughing, he gave instinct free reign, stopped fighting the 
spell completely, and buried his blunt human teeth into Angel's 
throat. The first taste of blood exploded on his tongue, exploded in 
his mind. Everything that Angel was... Human and Vampire. Soul and 
Demon. Saint and Sinner. Everything flooded Xander's mind, body and 
soul. Xander was Angel in that moment. And Angel was his. He would 
have screamed. Wanted to scream. But his mind and muscles were seized 
as orgasm spontaneously rocketed through him.

Angel's eyes rolled back into his head and he cried out. Never had he 
expected this. Never expected Xander to bite him. Never expected the 
searing fire along his body as Xander came. He whipped his head down 
and sank his fangs into Xander's neck, drinking one deep quaff of 
rich blood. The circle completed and he felt Xander pour into his 
very being. With a roar barely muffled by Xander's neck, he came, 
thrusting deep into Xander. His Xander. 

The circuit closed and the bond snapped into place, humming with 
power. Xander felt Angel's orgasm rip though both his body and his 
mind. It was too much. Too much of everything. This time he did 
scream. Loud and long. He howled in unadulterated pleasure and joy. 
Bound to Angel, Xander was free and flying.

Angel couldn't move, couldn't see, couldn't hear anything but Xander. 
Just Xander in his head, in his heart, in his soul. Swept up in the 
ecstasy flooding his senses, Angel clung to Xander, overwhelmed and 
blessed beyond any expectation he'd ever hoped for. When everything 
crashed back, an unending time later, he found himself sobbing 
against Xander's chest. Part of him wanted to kill everyone and 
everything that ever hurt his Bond-mate, even himself. Part of him 
wanted to just curl up and stay in this room with Xander forever. 
Part of him realized, with a jolt, that this was his perfect 
happiness and he was still Angel. "My God..." he whispered. 

"Nope, still Xander..." Xander responded without thought. Automatic 
joke instinct, kicking in. He blinked a couple times rapidly, as the 
fog cleared, and the who, where, and what they had done came surging 
back. He could still feel Angel deep inside him, not just physically, 
but emotionally. And it was Angel not Angelus, though he could 
faintly feel the demon there too... Fierce joy balanced by even 
fiercer protectiveness. And maybe love? Xander wasn't sure. He combed 
his tired fingers through Angel's short hair, tilting the vampire's 
head so they could look each other in the eye. He couldn't help the 
crooked grin at what he saw there. Still in game face, Angel's mouth 
was smeared with blood, his cheeks wet with tears, but his eyes, his 
golden eyes shone with true happiness. Xander had no doubts his own 
face mirrored Angel's. He pressed his own blood stained lips to 
Angel's, not even hesitating over the gameface. It didn't scare him 
any more. It was just Angel. He murmured, "Uhm, hey."

Angel's features faded back to normal and he pressed his forehead to 
Xander's. "Hey yourself," he muttered back. Xander was happy, he 
could feel it. He could feel everything pouring off the younger man 
now. With a contented sigh, he laid back and cradled Xander on his 
chest. They needed a shower, but right now he just wanted to stay 
close. Closer than he'd ever been with someone. Even Darla and Buffy, 
though The Slayer ran close second. Briefly, he wondered how Spike 
and Riley were doing, if they were feeling anything like this. He 
hoped so, for Spike's sake. As big of a pain the blonde vampire was 
to him now, maybe this would settle him out. ~Make an honest vamp of 
him? Nah, never happen.~ "How you doing?" he asked, nuzzling Xander's 
hair.

"Mmmmmm?" Xander mumbled into Angel's chest, still deep within post 
orgasmic lassitude. He ran his fingers lightly over the strong 
pectoral next to the one his head rested on, giving the question as 
much serious consideration as he could muster. "Well, sooner or 
later, I'm gonna remember that every muscle in my body is strained 
and hurts... That I gotta be giving off a more than manly smell. Oh, 
and thank you for not mentioning that. That I'm still not sure what 
really happened here, and will be uber-confused. Maybe a little 
freaked. Okay probably a lot freaked. Not sure yet. But right now?" 
Xander craned his neck a little and smiled at Angel, "Right now, I'm 
good. Okay, even. Oh hell, I've never felt this good in my life... 
You?"

Angel dipped in for a kiss. "I'm good. Better than good. Running 
through the whole list of things to do when I can walk again: shower, 
call Giles, make sure Wes doesn't stake me, kiss you a lot is in 
there quite a bit." He tipped Xander's head up and kissed him 
again. "This is the best I've ever felt. We'll worry about the other 
stuff later." 

"'Kay. Deal later... I can deal with that." Xander yawned 
slightly. "M'tired too. Did I mention that? Is there a nap anywhere 
on that list? Oh... OH! and food! Felt like I haven't eaten in 
days..." As if to prove a point, Xander's stomach growled 
expectantly. He smiled sheepishly at Angel.

Angel chuckled, bouncing Xander lightly on his chest as he 
did. "Here's an idea, you nap. I'll get a bath going and round up 
food. Bath, food, and more napping, sound good to you?" 
~Strawberries, I wonder if we have any here?~ Angel was feeling 
stupidly giddy at the prospect of feeding Xander while he bathed. 
~Lost my mind in a good way, I guess~

Angel's happiness and excitement shone through their bond, and Xander 
couldn't help but laugh. It was dizzying. It was infectious. And what 
was truly miraculous was that Xander not only felt Angel's happiness, 
but a matching measure of his own. "Okay... Sounds idea like," Xander 
agreed, and looking at Angel's smile couldn't help but blurt out, "Ya 
know, the whole smiling deal? S'good look for you. Though you keep it 
up, I'll probably have stop calling you Brood-boy." ~Oh man, I've 
gone lock, stock and wack-a-doodle!~

"Thanks, I think." Angel raised an eyebrow and couldn't help smiling 
again. "Not too sure how Smile-boy sounds though." He turned over 
until Xander was on his back and pulled the covers over him. "I'm 
just happy, I guess. Kinda a new thing. Don't worry, something will 
happen to make me brood, I'm sure. Wes'll find some nasty scroll, or 
Cordelia'll see the Apocalypse again. Typical stuff." He got up and 
pulled on his pants. "Get some rest while I get food." He gave Xander 
one more goofy grin and headed to the door.

"Okay," Xander agreed and let his eyes drift shut. With his eyes 
still shut, but a mischievous smile, he called out as Angel went 
through the door, "And Smile-Boy? Puh-lease! I was thinking 
Chuckles..."

Angel shook his head as he took the step two at a time. Chuckles was 
awful, but Xander would do it in a heartbeat. Probably get Cordelia 
in on it too. It didn't stop his grinning, however, as he hit the 
small kitchen downstairs. There wasn't much in his refrigerator in 
the suite, just blood packs. ~Not exactly strawberries.~ Not 
bothering with the light, he started rummaging around in the kitchen.



Wesley entered the lobby carefully, stake and cross ready. Giles' 
phone call had sent him out of the apartment in a mad dash. Halfway 
to the Hyperion, he realized he hadn't even called Gunn for backup. 
Not the smartest of things, but it did save the explanations and the 
possibility of Gunn just staking Angel on sight. ~And leave Charles 
alive to kill Angelus if that's what happened. Oh yes, how 
ridiculously noble, Wesley.~ He fervently hoped Rupert was right in 
his assumptions that the spell and ritual would bind the soul to 
Angel. Seeing no one around, he went up the stairs as quietly as he 
could, moving to Angel's door. He listened and, hearing nothing, 
knocked. ~Why are you knocking? 'Flowers for Angelus'? Honestly.~ 
Getting no response, he opened the door. ~Penny, pound and a prayer 
for the dying.~

Dozing, Xander's eyes lazily flickered open when he heard movement in 
the room. Was Angel back? How long had he been off in snooze-land? He 
smiled in anticipation, then froze. That wasn't Angel... There was 
some strange man just walking into the room. The room where Xander 
was naked. With a hearty and heartfelt 'ack', Xander clutched the 
sheet to his chest and scanned the room for weapons. 

Wesley jumped and let out an 'ack' of his own. It was Xander, sheet 
held high, like a romance novel heroine, looking around the room 
wildly. Letting out a huge sigh, Wes crossed over. They must look 
ridiculous. "Xander, it's alright. Where's er... I mean did 
everything... oh hell... where's Angel and are you okay?"

"Who..." Xander's eyes widened in recognition, recognizing the accent 
and voice more than anything else. The ex-watcher, it seems, had gone 
in for a style make over after disappearing from the Hellmouth. "Wes- 
Wesley? What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I got a phone call from Giles about the spell," Wesley said, 
eyebrows high. Perhaps Xander didn't know or remember what happened. 
No mistaking the smell of sex or the... Dear God... blood still 
staining Xander's lips. "I take it the ritual is, er, complete? Is 
Angel..." He sighed again. This was terribly awkward. "Is it Angel?" 
His eyes widened as he saw the bite marks standing out on Xander's 
neck. ~You knew it was part of it. If he was turned, he wouldn't be 
awake so soon.~

"Wha? Oh yeah, all done... Angel's fine. Ship shape... Okay, not so 
ship shape, he's more Angel shaped. Right as rain... Ya know, I've 
never understood how rain could be right. Fit as a fiddle? Okay who 
decides that? Fiddle aerobic instructors? In the pink? No, Angel's 
more an off white. Hunky dory. Oh, that's just a bad place to go....  
Happy as a clam. And who the hell knows how happy a clam is?!" Xander 
paused for long needed breath, well aware that he was getting 
progressively more manic. He couldn't help it. He was embarrassed to 
the extreme. He was embarrassed and still naked. And apparently 
everyone knew he had sex with Angel. He blushed furiously, and looked 
away from Wesley quickly. "Er, what was the question again?"

Wesley blinked under the barrage of Xander-ness. He'd forgotten how 
the boy could ramble on. Seemed to be a by product of living on the 
Hellmouth really, Willow did it as well, Wesley seemed to recall. "I 
think you've answered them," he said. "Angel is Angel and you are 
you. Perhaps not all right, but I'm not sure anyone I know is," 
Wesley said, running a hand through his hair. "I'll, er, I'll go and 
call Giles then. Yes." He walked out the door, closing it behind him. 
Once outside, he leaned against the wall. "Well, that was..."

"That was what?"

Wesley acked again. There stood Angel, snacks in hand. ~Post coital 
munchies. I really need to get out more.~ "That was... embarrassing, 
I'd say. Everything seems in order so I'll just go call Giles. And 
perhaps have a stiff drink." He eyed Angel closely. "You have to be 
you. Angelus would never touch a Twinkie, I'm sure." He walked away, 
shaking his head.

Angel stared at Wesley as the ex-watcher walked away. Then he looked 
at the snack cakes in his hands. ~Never thought Twinkies would be a 
good thing.~ "Hey, Wes?"

Wesley looked back. "Yes, Angel?"

"Thanks." Angel gave him a lop-sided smile.

Wesley sighed. "Just... be good to him, Angel. This whole thing is... 
disturbing, but maybe for the best. I'll talk more to Giles about 
it." He headed down the stairs. "Good night."

"Good night," Angel called and opened the door. Wesley had every 
right to be nervous, but Angel couldn't be right now. ~One more thing 
to sort out later.~ He crossed over to where Xander was sitting up, 
bewildered, in bed. Setting down the Twinkies, chips, and sodas, 
Angel stroked Xander's hair. "It's not real food, but it's a start. 
All Cordy had hidden around the office besides some questionable 
Chinese." He sat down. "You okay? I mean as okay as can be expected."

"Wha?" Xander looked up at Angel confused. "Okay? That was Wesley, 
Angel! And he saw me- Naked! In your bed... He knows that I- that we- 
Oh God." Xander wrapped his arms around himself, trembling. ~Oh look, 
the wiggins right on schedule.~ "Angel what the hell happened? I mean 
to cause this... Why? What? How? Why?" 

Angel pulled Xander to him. "It was a spell. An ancient binding 
spell. It got you and Riley, of all people, but you came to me. A 
vampire in Sunnydale cast it, according to Giles." Angel felt the 
fear and confusion as if it were his own. "If we hadn't... done what 
we did, you would have died, Xander, and I wasn't going to let that 
happen. Yes, Wesley knows, but he came to make sure I didn't become 
Angelus. He came to protect you."

"Riley? Is Riley okay? Riley's not dead?!" While his mind twisted 
itself, trying to make sense out of anything, Xander felt his body 
relax into Angel's embrace, seeking comfort there. It seemed so 
natural to let Angel's strong arms hold him and shore him up. He 
stiffened at that thought. 

Angel pulled back. Xander was still fighting it, still so confused 
and Angel wasn't going to force anything. It hurt, but was expected. 
Xander'd even said so himself. "Riley's alive and probably as 
confused as you are right now. Hell, maybe more so all things 
considered. Spike- Uhm,  he and Spike..." Spike. Riley and Spike. 
Angel shook his head at the thought. ~I hope Buffy realizes she can't 
kill Spike now or it'll kill Riley. What a mess.~

"Spike?!" Xander's eyes went wide. Shock didn't cover what he was 
feeling, but it was an emotion he could go with. Could express. He 
could feel the concern, the shard of hurt at his actions, flowing 
through Angel into him. All he wanted to do was sink into Angel's 
arms again, but he couldn't. He wouldn't. ~Avoiding is good. Go with 
denial.~ "Riley hates Spike! Spike hates Ri even... Oh." Xander 
looked away. His voice dropped to a whisper as things  sorta fell 
together. "That's why I'm here isn't it? In LA. With you and not some 
random vamp in the woods..." 

Angel's eyes widened. "Yeah, Spike." he said. His own eyes dropped as 
he thought about what Xander said. If Riley hadn't gotten to Spike 
first, would Xander even be here? Would Riley have come? ~And that 
wins the award for the most disturbing thought tonight.~ "I guess 
that's why you came. Spike was... taken. You hate me, so why else?" 
Angel shrugged. ~I wish it was because you trusted me more.~ "I don't 
really know. Giles just said you wandered off." Then Giles' words 
came back to him. "He... he did say Riley almost died before they 
figured out what was wrong..." He tried to contain the hope, as faint 
as it was, that Xander *did* trust him that much. "Maybe... I don't 
know."

"I don't hate you... I mean I didn't. I didn't like you. Didn't like 
you *a lot*, but I didn't hate you." He shrugged slightly. "And let's 
face it. You never really had the warm fuzzies over me either. Maybe 
not ready to dance on my grave, but definitely no warm fuzzy-age." 
Xander looked back and swallowed hard. 

"True, but I... well, I owed you and I didn't understand you." Angel 
said. "You made me stop just letting things happen. I didn't know how 
to act to that. Never been kicked in the ass before. Never doubted 
your bravery, though, or your loyalty to your friends." He looked up 
into Xander's eyes. 

"Angel..." Xander couldn't stop himself, still shaking, he seemed to 
flow into Angel's arms. He could no more stop himself than doubt the 
sincerity and warmth behind Angel's words. Feelings that warmed him 
from the inside out. "I can't stop touching you... Wanting to touch 
you." He murmured, "I've got a girlfriend, Angel. A life in 
Sunnydale. And let's not forget- I'm so *not* gay." Xander dropped 
his head to Angel's shoulder, eyes screwed tightly shut as his voice 
dropped to a whisper, "And still- I can't stop touching you. This is 
forever isn't it? Not a one shot deal... No walking away. Forever."

Angel clutched Xander to him and buried his head in the messy dark 
hair. "It is. I'm sorry. I don't want to mess up your life, but yeah, 
this is forever," he whispered. "I'm so sorry." He felt tears wanting 
to come. What was Xander's life going to be like now? Stuck with him 
and his Powers That Be given mission, stuck without his friends. ~Why 
couldn't this be freely given? Why do they keep messing with him, 
with me?~

"Sorry for me? Don't be... Haven't thought this through, have you, 
Deadboy? Your soul's set now... I don't know how I know it. I just 
feel it. You can be with Buffy now, but we just what- Got married? 
You're stuck. With me in your life. I've more than screwed your life, 
unlife, over... By saving me, you just gave up your chance at 
redemption. Your chance to be with Buffy. You should hate me." Xander 
sighed. ~And you will... Sooner or later. And a big history repeat. 
I'm stuck in a loveless marriage with someone who will hate me for 
ruining his life. Unlife? Whatever. Boy, mom and dad will be soooo 
proud. I'm following in the family footsteps.~

Angel pulled Xander back, suddenly, unreasonably, afraid. "No. No, 
you didn't mess anything up. My redemption isn't tied to Buffy, 
it's... more complicated than that. I... had a chance to be with her 
once. I gave it up. What I do was, is, more important than that. She 
has her mission, I have mine. They're too different to work, *we're* 
too different." He got up and started pacing. "I'm not explaining it 
well, I know. She's in here," He touched his heart, "But we're just 
not right somehow. I can't hate you for this, ever, because Buffy and 
I were over. Long time now."

Xander blinked rapidly, trying to reconcile what Angel was saying 
with what he knew... Or what he thought he knew. Angel loved Buffy. 
Buffy loved Angel. This was like some twisted universal law. He had 
never liked it, but had grown accustomed to it. Accepted even, 
sorta... But Angel gave her up? It was over before the spell? He knew 
Angel was telling him the truth, could feel it inside his head. ~How? 
What? How?~ Xander blinked some more, ~Did I get the wrong script 
somehow? This is the scene where Angel rages and broods about how I 
ruined his chance to be with Buff. His one true love...~ Xander 
looked up at Angel who had stopped pacing and was staring at him, 
intently. He said the only intelligent thing he could think of, "Huh?"

"I fought this demon and his blood made me human again." Angel shook 
his head. "Buffy and I tried, we really did, but the price was too 
great. Too many people would have died, maybe even her. Me being 
mortal made her take too many risks for me. The world needs her and 
me to be what we are. Boy, doesn't that sound arrogant, but hey, I've 
tried to stop arguing with The Oracles." He sat on the edge of the 
bed. "Buffy and I can't be together no matter if my soul is bound or 
not. She has her life to live and I have mine. The paths can't cross 
anymore. It's just too different now."

"Oh," Xander stared at Angel blankly. He wondered if Angel could hear 
the clicks and whirls of his brain processing this bit of 
information. Not that it was... Not really. He was confused. Really 
confused. Was he some sort of divine consolation prize? And if so- 
Angel got gypped. ~Deadboy needs to have a talk with these Oracles. 
Get his money back or something~ He shook his head, trying to get the 
buzz in his brain to die down. "I have no response to that..." Xander 
replied just because it seemed the thing to do. A thought flittered 
across his brain and out his mouth. "Man, Buffy really got shafted 
all the way round. No Riley. No Angel. Well, that just sucks.  Poor 
Buff."

Angel blinked. "Oh boy. Yeah, she's... Maybe she and Spike can... 
no... and that's a terrible image." He shuddered. Then he reached out 
and touched Xander's face lightly. He could feel the raging confusion 
inside the younger man. "I got you though. I know this is beyond 
messed up and not going to be easy, but you're not a second best 
thing here. I feel pretty lucky."

"I'm- I'm not? Lucky?" Xander stammered, blushing. Again his body 
seemed to override his mind and he leaned into the touch, rubbing his 
cheek against Angel's hand. He was sitting there naked... Naked in 
this man's, this vampire's, bed. He was embarrassed. He was 
mortified. He was confused as all hell. And was that why he was 
blushing? ~No, m' all lobster boy cause Angel thinks he's lucky to 
get me. In his bed. In his life. And it makes me feel- Feel things. 
Spell... It's gotta be the spell. He wouldn't...~ Xander scrunched up 
his eyes and drew back. "That's the spell talking."

"No, I don't think it is." Angel said, shaking his head. "Let's think 
about this. While we weren't getting along," he smiled lopsidedly at 
that, "I saw a brave person, a loyal person, covered that. But 
deeper, you have no supernatural powers and yet you get in there 
every time. You stick by your friends no matter what. I saw you lead 
a class of high school students, Xander. That's like herding cats. 
They listened to you because you knew what to do. You took charge. 
You reassured them of the mission at hand. Key guy, remember? You got 
the rocket launcher for The Judge. You take the hit on the chin and 
get back up." He looked down, his smile and voice getting soft. "You 
say what's on your mind, even if I don't get it all the time. You 
never took anything off of me, Xander. Takes guts to bitch slap a 
Master Vampire. When you smile, it's pure joy right there on your 
face. No guile. You've got the most expressive eyes I've ever seen." 
He looked up again, a slight blush on his face. "I knew all this 
before the spell, Xander. I was wishing it was something you could 
have given to me freely." 

Xander gaped at Angel in open mouthed shocked. ~Angel was in lo- like 
with me? Before the spell?~ He forced his mouth closed and stared 
intensely at the blushing vampire. ~Who knew vampires could blush?~ 
Angel was telling the truth. It wasn't the way he said it... It was 
the feeling deep down in his bones. Astonished, he realized it was 
part of the thing, the bond, between them. Angel could never lie to 
him now, and he... And he couldn't lie to Angel. Xander shook his 
head, "Almost wish I had too... Nobody's ever said anything like that 
to me. Ever." Xander paused gathering his thoughts, "But the truth is 
I ha- didn't like you *a lot*. I was possessed by a hyena spirit 
once... Did you know that? I know, up close and personal, what it's 
like to have a beast, a killing machine, inside you. I told Buff and 
Willow I didn't remember, but I did. I remembered everything. See, I 
could control it at first, sorta, but eventually it took me over. I 
didn't understand why it was happening, but I did know this: I liked 
it. The power. The freedom from everything. It's a nice place to be, 
and a horrible place to come back from... You may have a soul and you 
may have control, but the beast is still there. And I could see it. 
When everyone looked at you, they seemed to forget the killer. Even 
when Angelus came back... Buffy couldn't kill you until the world was 
at stake. I never understood that. How you could pretend to be human, 
and everyone believed. It was so dishonest." Xander took a deep 
breath, and spoke more slowly, "Or so I thought... I've thought a lot 
about that over the last couple of years. You weren't dishonest. 
Except maybe with yourself. You never told anyone you weren't a 
monster. I think they, Buffy especially, just made themselves not see 
it. Hell, we were teenagers with teenage dreams. We all needed our 
absolute certainties to get through the nights. But now... Now, I 
wonder if we didn't use you and your quest for redemption, disavowed 
knowledge of the killer for help in the fight. Now, I wonder if we 
weren't the ones who were dishonest. If we weren't the monsters... 
Cause we're all killers, Angel. Every single one of us. And at the 
very least, I think I owe you an apology." Xander fell silent, then 
smiled crookedly, "And jeeze! Watch the Xan-man speech-a-fy."

Angel absorbed all that quietly. He didn't know about the hyena 
spirit, but if he concentrated hard enough, he could feel the 
remnants of it in Xander. Something about the way the younger man 
moved sometimes. It defiantly gave him a unique perspective on, what 
Cordelia called, 'The Angel Condition'. The way the beast was, even 
without Angelus' influence, riding just beneath the surface when he 
was tracking something or extremely angry. Scary maybe, but it was 
his... thing. Had they used him for his power, his strength? Maybe, 
but didn't he let them? There was a time when he was sure that's what 
he was there for. That he was the guy with the real scoop on things, 
the one who would do the dirty work. Taking the bad karma away from 
the children. They needed it then, like Xander said, and he provided 
it. He wanted to do it, just to stay in the light that much 
longer. "I think we were all a little selfish then," he 
said, "Apology, not needed, but accepted. Thank you." 

Xander nodded, silently. He was exhausted emotionally, mentally, and 
physically. The adrenaline surge of panic was fading away, and while 
he was still confused, he was just too damn tired to wig anymore. At 
least right then. He sighed, "So, where do we go from here? What 
happens next?"

"I don't know. I mean, you're the one whose life has just taken that 
left it shouldn't." Angel sighed. "I'd like you to stay here. If you 
want. I mean... the Bond and all." Angel ran a hand through his 
hair. "Can I explain things any worse? The Bond is strong and it will 
pull us together. That doesn't change the fact you have a life, job, 
and a girlfriend. You're more than welcome here with no pressure for 
anything. You can have your own room and set your own things and 
could I sound more like a Master?" He shook his head. "I really 
hadn't thought beyond a bath, food, and sleep."

"Yeah, " Xander mumbled. "Truthfully, my job's not critical. Really 
like it, but I can work construction anywhere. My supervisor'll give 
me a reference... I think. Willow and Buffy... Oh man, Buffy is 
soooooooo not gonna want me around... Not with us... Uhm yeah.  And 
Ahn? Well, she'll either be completely understanding or we'll be 
lucky all she does is kill us." Xander looked at Angel aghast, "I 
can't believe I said all that, and so calm like. Just calmly, 
ditching my entire life. I care for Anh, was falling for her, but I 
can't see it now.  Her and me. I don't want to leave her, but I don't 
think I could share myself with her like that anymore. Even if you 
and she were willing... The thought just- Ewwwwww." Xander glanced 
away. Angel was right. The Bond was strong and completely 
encompassing. The thought of Anya, of *his girlfriend*, left him 
cold. Could he even be attracted to anyone else again? He shook his 
head, "My brain hurts... Maybe we should go with Plan A, before 
trying to work on Plan B?"

"Oh yeah. Plan A it is. I'll get that bath going." Angel said, 
rising. On impulse, he stooped quickly and kissed the top of Xander's 
head before going into the bathroom. As he started the water, he 
froze. Oh boy. Xander was confused and here he was just dishing out 
the casual displays of affection. Xander was ditching his life and 
here Angel was acting like a... "Boyfriend. Okay, need to calm that 
down until Plan B gets sorted out." He sat, reigning in control, as 
the tub filled. When it was done, he squared his shoulders and went 
back out. "Ready. Um... you want to do this alone?" Feeding Xander 
Twinkies ~Need to get strawberries...~ could wait for comfort levels 
to increase. 

Looking up, Xander thought the Gentlemen might be back, because 
someone had stolen his voice. There was Angel in the bathroom 
doorway, steam gently billowing out from the door, bare chest and 
bare feet, asking him if he wanted to bathe alone. The images of 
water and Angel's large hands sliding over his body, made Xander 
flush uncomfortably. He wanted it... Angel to touch him. His physical 
reactions to Angel were out of his control, and it scared him. Scared 
him to want this man so badly, so quickly. ~And could I be any more 
screwed up? 'I want you. I don't want you. Come closer. Stay 
away...'~ "I- Yeah, ma- maybe I should," Xander stuttered and moved 
to swing his legs over the bedside. The pain that shot up his legs 
made Xander clench his teeth and hold his breath. He wheezed a shaky 
breath trying to get his abused muscles to relax and go back to 
sleep. "Should and can may be two different animals though. Angel, I 
don't think I can walk..."

"Crap, I forgot about that," Angel said, rushing over. "Oh yeah, you 
are soaking for a good while." He scooped Xander up. "Need to work 
those knots out too. I think Wesley's left some Tiger Balm around 
here." He carried Xander to the bathroom and gently lowered him into 
the tub. "Just relax and let the heat help." He brushed hair off 
Xander's forehead. "When you loosen up, I'll give you a rub down and 
you can sleep."

"Yeah," Xander agreed shakily. The water and heat were soothing. 
Almost as soothing as Angel's touch. ~Stop that! Enough with the sex 
thoughts!~ He started to tense again, but his muscles weren't having 
any of that. ~Ow! Owowow! Okay, I get it. Tensing bad. Relaxing 
good.~ Gingerly, he lolled his head back, and muttered, "Stupid spell 
couldn't leave enough of a brain to drive to LA? No, I had to do the 
zombie shuffle..."

Angel chuckled, reaching for the shampoo. He felt the desire and 
tension shoot out of Xander. He had to agree. He wanted Xander again. 
And again. It just didn't seem too conducive to recovery though. 
~Just worry about the little tasks now. Hair washing. Back scrubbing. 
Rubdown. Okay, not helping.~ He got down the shower massage and 
turned the water on low. "I'll try not to get shampoo in your eyes," 
he said, careful not to spray Xander in the face. Once the tangle of 
dark hair was wet, Angel thumbed off the water and started working 
the shampoo into Xander's hair. He massaged the young man's scalp and 
temples, sweeping any stray foam away.

Xander tried not to think. Thinking was bad. So was feeling. But 
Angel's hands were relaxing him almost against his will, relaxing him 
and arousing him. Washing his hair, it was such an intimate act, 
brought home even more by the way Angel did it. Such care and 
tenderness in those hands, pampering Xander, treating him like he was 
some fragile treasure. Angel's strong hands gingerly massaging his 
head, the occasional light scrape of fingernails along his scalp... 
Xander bit his lip. Was it him? Angel? The Bond? When did hair 
washing become erotic? 

Using one hand to hold Xander's head steady, Angel spidered the other 
and worked down the tense muscles of the now very foamy neck. He 
pressed down with his fingers, rubbing and kneading. It felt good to 
be doing this little thing for Xander, just working out the soreness 
and road dirt. Then Angel looked, really looked, down. Closed eyed, 
lip being bitten, arousal stirring... Xander was beautiful. Angel 
swallowed heavily and just stopped himself from leaning in for a 
kiss. 

As Angel worked the muscles of his neck, worked magic with his 
fingers, Xander's mouth fell open, and a little noise escaped. It 
wasn't a moan. No, he'd managed not to do that, but it was still a 
sound. A tiny sound of pleasure. It felt too good. Angel's hands. His 
breathing deepened, and he fought to keep his center, control this 
desire flooding through him. Eyes closed, Xander resolved to keep 
them shut. One look at Angel, one look from Angel, and he was sure 
he'd be lost. 

Angel bit his lip in an unconscious parody of Xander's previous 
expression. If he didn't get some sort of control, Xander was coming 
out of that tub and... ~Stop. It. Now.~ He elbowed the water back on 
and rinsed the shampoo away, trying not to stare at the way it flowed 
down Xander's back. A back which was going to need scrubbing. ~You 
can do this. It's what you do now, take care of him.~ Was it so wrong 
to give into the Bond? If it pushed Xander where he didn't want to 
go, yes. He could feel the struggle from within Xander, however, 
pushing them both. "Xander..." Angel's voice cracked 
slightly, "Should I stop? I don't want to, but... if it's too 
much..."  

Xander's eyes started to flutter open, but he clamped them shut. ~No! 
Don't look at him!~ Not trusting his voice he shook his head 
slightly, for Angel to go on. The water felt so good. Angel felt so 
good. The way he was feeling he wasn't sure, if this was so wrong or 
so right. It *was* to much. And it *was* not enough. How was he going 
to live with this, feeling like this, forever? 

Angel gasped at the brief, fluttery glimpse of Xander's eyes. This 
spell was... insane. How on Earth were they ever going to get 
anything done? Then again, he wasn't so sure he cared one bit about 
that now. Not really. Not when Xander was telling him to go on. He 
grabbed a loofa and soaped it up, then gently pushed Xander up more. 
With long, sweeping strokes, he scrubbed Xander's back, feeling the 
twitch and play of the tired muscles there. He let his free hand 
linger for a moment, just at the small of Xander's back and then 
scooped water over him. Then he guided Xander... His Xander, Angel's 
brain shouted... back and slowly scrubbed down the lightly tanned 
chest. 

Sighing, Xander tried to get his breathing, tried to get himself, 
under some type of control. The scrubby thing actually helped.  It 
gave him some distance... It wasn't Angel's hands touching him. But 
Angel was so close. Even with his eyes closed, Xander could feel him 
a whisper away. Just a tilt of his head away. Xander licked his lips. 
He could almost taste Angel on the air. It was maddening. He wanted 
it and didn't want it so much. As the scrubby dipped lower, running 
slowly over his chest down to his belly, this time Xander couldn't 
hold it in. He moaned, soft and low, eyelashes fluttering as he tried 
desperately to keep his eyes closed.

Nostrils flaring, Angel shifted the loofa to scrub down Xander's arms 
one by one. He knew his hands were shaking, telegraphing just how 
tenuous his control was. ~Concentrate on details, maybe that'll 
help.~ Xander's hands, lightly scarred and work roughened, with long 
fingers and boyishly ragged nails. They looked strong and capable 
now, not the twitchy, nervously tapping hands of a couple of years 
ago. Moving down, Angel scrubbed each  leg, digging his hand into the 
muscles, relieving the knots. Long legs, with lean muscles like a 
runner's, covered in dark hair that was softer than expected. Angel 
rinsed the clean limbs and swallowed again. That left one area, front 
and back. Casting the loofa aside, he vigorously soaped his hands. He 
could do this quickly and efficiently, even if most of Xander's torso 
and entire lower body were underwater.  ~Time to ignore the details 
now. Ignore the spit slicked lips. Ignore the fluttering lashes. 
Ignore the low moan... argh!~ Using his strength, Angel lifted Xander 
under the arms, enough to run a soapy hand along his backside. 
Studiously bent to the task, Angel lowered him back and cleaned 
Xander's groin, soap swirling away quickly. He tried not to linger. 
He was helpless not to. 

For a few brief moments, Xander thought he was gonna survive this 
erotic water torture with his control intact, but that was before 
Angel's hand went submariner on him. Xander shuddered and mewed. 
~Angel's hands!~ For all his confusion and mental reluctance, 
Xander's body wasn't confused in the least. His cock had been trying 
to do a Flipper and break the surface ever since the shampoo. Now... 
now, Mr Happy was trying his best to swim right into Angel's hand. 
~Traitor!~ And as careful and clinical as Angel was trying to be, and 
Xander knew he was trying, they were doomed. Contact. Xander's eyes 
flew open and he moaned Angel's name.

Angel was caught by the moan and the look in those deep hazel brown 
eyes. No wonder Xander had kept them shut the entire time, they were 
deadly. He forced his hand to stop stroking the warm, inviting 
erection in it and moved it up to grab a washcloth. "Just... just 
gotta wash your face and we're done," he whispered. "Close your 
eyes." When Xander nodded and did so, Angel wet the cloth and gently 
cleaned off his face. "There," he said and found himself placing a 
small kiss on those swollen lips. "All done. Can you stand to get 
out?" 

"Erk?" Xander stared at Angel blankly for a moment. For a moment the 
line between desire and confusion, between thought and feeling, had 
been obliterated by the Angel's touch. Angel stroking his cock. His 
hard cock. Xander blushed, embarrassed, and mortifyingly so... His 
cock was still hard. And Angel wanted him to what? Stand up? Even if 
he hadn't walked all the way from Sunnydale to LA, he wasn't sure if 
his legs would hold him. And if they would, that he could stand naked 
in front of Angel, his arousal visible to both of them. ~Uhm, s'not 
like he doesn't know or hasn't seen it. Shit, Angel and Mr Happy 
seemed to be on the way to a happy ever after relationship, whether I 
want it or not...~ Xander flushed again, and shook his head. Maybe 
Angel could just leave him in the tub until he was wrinkly and 
wilted. 

Angel nodded. "No big deal." He got up and placed a towel on the 
toilet. The embarrassment nearly overshadowing the confusion made him 
just want to hold Xander. ~Right, so everything makes me want to hold 
him now. Oh look, Xander breathed, hold him! Xander blinked, hold 
him! Not a bad thing, but we might never leave this room again.~ He 
scooped Xander up and sat him on the toilet. "There we go." Grabbing 
another towel, he started drying the blushing man off. As he did, 
Angel's jaw clenched. Why was he finding it so easy to accept the 
Bond, and Xander having the worst time? Because Xander had something 
to lose. Angel had everything to gain. ~Is it always going to be like 
this? Is he always going to be torn between misery and reluctant 
acceptance? How can he deal with fake love and real hate forever?~

"Yeah, no big deal." Xander muttered. ~Bid deal! Huge monster deal!  
I don't even know who I am any more.~ What was real and what wasn't? 
And if magic shifted reality does it make it any less real? Sitting 
there naked and aching, Xander had no doubts. This was real. ~This is 
reality now. And I gotta deal and move on.  Live with it. Somehow... 
Or I'm heading for my own personal Loony Toon.~ Xander sighed. He 
just didn't know how to deal. Not when every thing he knew did a 
sudden turn-a-bout. ~Think I'd be a little better at this, growing up 
on the Hellmouth. I know how to believe the unbelievable... Accept 
the impossible. Oh yeah, right.~ Angel was drying him off quickly, 
the vampire's normally impassive face even more mask like, but Xander 
could feel his concern and his pain. He was hurting Angel, and that 
thought made his heart clench. ~Is that real?~ Xander tentatively 
reached out. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I *don't* want 
hurt you. Just having a bit of an adjustment problem... This is 
really har- ~No! No saying the 'H' word right now!~ er, difficult, 
Angel."

Angel dropped the towel and sat back on his heels. He took Xander's 
hand and held it, rubbing his thumb along the back. "I know you're 
not. Please don't apologize. This is the last way either of us ever 
expected our lives to go." He looked up, biting his lip. "I just want 
to make it better somehow. Make you less afraid. And I don't think 
that's the Bond. I just don't like seeing you hurt. I can't help 
wanting that or wanting you. I'm sorry." He placed a kiss on the back 
of the hand he held and stood up. "C'mon, let's get you back to bed. 
We'll take this, all of this, slow, okay?"

Xander nodded, then tilted his head to look at Angel. "Strangely 
enough, not so much with the afraid. At least not of you... The 
future maybe... Reactions yeah... But you? You would, will, never 
hurt me... You can't..." Xander smiled at the surge of emotion 
pouring through the bond, and then blinked astonished. The emotion 
wasn't from Angel. ..  "And neither would Angelus? Angelus likes me? 
In a 'I wanna tear your clothes off', and not 'I wanna tear your 
throat out', kinda way... How long has that been going on?!"

Angel blinked. He could almost hear Angelus chuckle inside. It was 
worse than being split personality sometimes. "Um... since... Oh 
crap. Since he first really paid attention. I guess that night in the 
school when Spike showed up. Your scent, the fear of it, caught him." 
Angel ran both hands through his hair, clutching the back. "People 
seem to think that he's not really around when I'm me. He is, deep in 
my mind. Talking, snarling, generally being an asshole. Kinda makes 
me a candidate for the asylum, I know, having a 'voice' in my head." 
He sighed. "But I guess that's the way having a soul and a demon 
works. When he... when I became him again, you were one of the things 
he thought about. Making you his along with Buffy." He shook his 
head, letting his hands fall. "Damn, does that sound scary obsessive 
or what?"

"More like psycho scary... I mean he threatened me, was gonna kill 
me, and- Oh my god... Demon foreplay, right?" Xander shook his 
head. "You know I can *feel* him. In my head. Like I can you. 
Different, but there... " Xander's eyes unfocused a little, "He wants 
out. Wants his turn... at me. Doesn't like that you got to me first. 
Oh man..." Xander flushed and looked away, "But liked the show."

"Yeah, demon foreplay," Angel agreed. "And no, he doesn't like it at 
all." He caught his voice getting gruff, nearly growling. "He's not 
coming out though. I'm not sure he can and not letting him 
regardless." ~You hear me? No way in hell, any of them! He's mine! 
You have no say here.~  Angel's eyes flickered briefly gold as he 
snarled internally at his demon. Taking a second, Angel took a deep, 
unneeded breath to steady himself. "I don't care if he liked the 
show. It wasn't for him. It will never be for him. Neither will you." 
He reached a shaky hand out and stroked Xander's damp hair. "I 
promise you that."

Protectiveness and possessiveness rolled off Angel in huge wall 
breaking waves. Xander shivered against the onslaught and while a 
part of him thrilled at the feelings he evoked in the vampire, 
another part wasn't so thrilled. His hand creeped out and cupped 
Angel's face. "I know. I *do* know, okay? I'm yours. But let's get 
this straight now... You're mine. Equal here! I don't need to be 
protected. And I'm not helpless. All I need is your l-" Xander broke 
off abruptly. ~His love? Damn, when did this spell turn me into a 
girl?!~

Angel pressed into that hand, letting a sigh escape. "Protection 
sorta comes with my job, but I understand." He pulled Xander up to 
him, wrapping supporting arms around Xander's back. "Equals. I'm 
yours and you're mine. Kith, Kin and death, Xander, we're equal." 
Rubbing his forehead on Xander's, Angel absorbed the new wash of 
feelings. They were growing strong enough to leave him weak in the 
knees. Did Xander even know what sort of power he had now? How much 
his words and actions were going to control Angel? "You've got me, 
Xander. You've got my l..." He grinned suddenly, breaking off where 
Xander had, and kissed him, just letting himself feel.

Xander melted into the kiss. Not the sweet tender kisses or the 
ravaging passionate kisses of before, this kiss had elements of all 
those but wasn't like any of them. This kiss was something new. Close 
mouthed, still it took Xander's breath away. Was this a lover's kiss? 
A mate's kiss? He shook a little, breathing heavily, as the kiss 
ended. When he could form words again, Xander whispered, "Is this 
real? Really real? What I'm feeling? What I feel from you? For you? I 
need... To know so much." 

"Yes, it's real. This is what's real now, Xander, magic or not, this 
is it," Angel said, nuzzling the side of Xander's face. He looked 
back into wide, expressive eyes. "There's no way I can lie to you. 
You can feel it." The translation of what Giles called the spell came 
back to him. Magic had forced love into his unlife, thank the Powers 
it was mutual. "I love you," he whispered, placing a hand over 
Xander's rapidly beating heart. "And, as messed up as that might 
normally sound, it's the truth."

"I know," Xander sighed. Could he be that brave? As brave as Angel? 
~When the world turns upside down, nothing to do but ride the 
wave...~ "I- I love you too. There. I've said it. Said the one thing 
I never imagined saying..." He looked around and then back, "No 
lightning. No world endage. Not that I'm sure we'd notice right now. 
So, it must be true. I love you."

Angel cocked his head. "You're right. No sirens either, weird." He 
smiled a touch shyly at Xander. "I guess this is what happens next. 
This and getting you into bed before you fall over." Angel scooped 
Xander up into his arms again and walked to the bedroom. There was so 
much he wanted to shout from the rooftops right now. ~Spell 
interrupting a perfectly good brood too. What's a vamp to do? Jesus, 
I'm giddy! When was the last time I was giddy? Hmmm, never maybe.~ He 
laid Xander down on the bed. "We've got a lot to figure out, but Plan 
B doesn't start until tomorrow, okay?" Stroking Xander's hair again, 
Angel smiled. "Rubdown or sleep?" 

"Right, Plan B... Tomorrow," Xander nodded. He wasn't sure if the 
happiness, the pure joy, pulsing inside him was from Angel or 
himself. ~Woah. Roller coaster on the upswing!~ Chuckling, Xander 
tilted his head to look into Angel's eyes. "Rubdown, sleep, or maybe 
you'd like to trade it in for what's behind Curtain #1?" he murmured, 
eyes sparkling. 

"Curtain...?" Angel stared, "There's a Curtain #1?" He knew he must 
look like an idiot, totally gobsmacked by the gleam in Xander's 
eyes. "You sure you're up to curtains?"

"Well, maybe not hanging curtains," Xander laughed, "But drapes 
and..." He grabbed Angel's hand and slid it down his body, 
reintroducing Mr Hand to Mr Happy. "Rods. Yeah, I think I'm *up* for 
it. What do you think?" Xander couldn't believe he'd just said that. 
Just did what he did... He dropped his eyes shyly... ~Oh boy.~

Angel's mouth snapped shut so fast his teeth clicked. Xander was 
being playful, being naughty... being hard. He stroked Xander's 
erection lightly and used his other hand to tilt the downcast face 
up. "I think that sounds like the best plan of all." He placed a 
nibbling kiss on Xander's cupid's bow mouth. Starting to stretch out, 
he remembered his pants. He shucked them quickly and laid down next 
to Xander, reveling in the feel of his lover's warm flesh. Angel's 
hand returned to Xander's cock. "Hmm  yep, definitely up for it."

"Yeah," Xander moaned, and arched into Angel's hands. It felt so 
good. To be touched... Even more so, it felt so good to give in and 
stop fighting his feelings. His needs. He slid a hand around Angel's 
neck and pulled the vampire's face to his. "I want you," he said, 
clearly and evenly, before he smashed their mouths together. Tongue 
and teeth, he poured all the passion Angel stirred in him into that 
kiss. He couldn't lie to Angel, and at least for this moment, he was 
done lying to himself.  Reality had shifted, and it was time to, if 
not accept it, at least investigate the perks.

Angel let himself get carried away in the fire of Xander's words, his 
kisses. No fear or danger now, just the writhing body of his lover 
beside him. It shook Angel to the core and he groaned deep in his 
chest. His hands roamed, exploring Xander's body now that he had 
time. He rubbed the flat plane of Xander's belly, enjoying the 
contrast the dark path of hair made against the soft skin. His nails 
lightly scratched up the newly toned chest to pinch and roll peaked 
nipples. His kisses moved along Xander's jaw to the fresh bite marks 
on the arched throat. His tongue laved them, swirling around the 
throbbing pulse there. 

With a sharp bark of pleasure, Xander pressed his throat to Angel's 
mouth. If anyone had told him he'd ache to be bitten by a vampire, 
he'd have called them a damn liar and probably slugged them. Now, all 
he could do was tremble and moan under the onslaught of Angel's 
hands, mouth and body. A body pressing him back into the mattress. A 
mouth and tongue making the bite mark on his throat throb with 
pleasure. Hands... Hands that were everywhere lighting his skin up 
with electric shocks. He wanted to touch back, to wrap himself in 
Angel and make the other man shake. But the traumatized muscles of 
his legs wouldn't obey his commands. Hands though, his hands moved 
like lightning, jagged and frenzied, he dug into the muscular 
shoulders, delved into the strong back, and finally one rested on the 
mark he, Xander, had left on Angel's throat. A mark still ragged, 
healing but not disappearing. He had marked Angel. With a moan, he 
thumbed the jagged wound with a nail.

Angel growled and damn near came right then, Xander's scratch sending 
near blinding pleasure through him. He raised up and kissed Xander 
savagely, teeth clashing once more. Right here, right now, Angel 
wasn't sure if he would ever get enough of Xander. He couldn't touch 
enough, couldn't kiss enough, couldn't *feel* enough. He moved on top 
of Xander, arms moving to either side of his head. For a moment, 
Angel was still, just savoring the look on Xander's face. "I want you 
too," he whispered, and dove in for another hard kiss, letting his 
hips roll. He didn't want this to be vicious, but everything was so 
intense it was hard to maintain control. 

"Gettin' that," Xander gasped out rapid fire between strong, 
passionate kisses. "You wanting me. Gettin' that." He couldn't help 
but get it. It flowed through him physically, mentally, and 
emotionally. It made him dizzy... higher than a lemur on crack. What 
made him higher, though, was the answering surge of want, desire, and 
love inside him for Angel. He'd never felt this way for anyone, and 
spell be damned... He couldn't get enough of it. Xander pressed 
himself back into the mattress and spread his arms out wide to his 
sides. Never one for half measures, he smiled and offered himself to 
Angel, "Yours."

Angel pushed up on his arms and gave Xander a wicked grin. "Mine," he 
agreed in a growl. Then he bent and licked a path across Xander's 
chest, biting each nipple. He continued up, sucking lightly at his 
mark again. Nibbling his way to Xander's ear, he whispered, "Yours." 
He was never going to let Xander forget that, no matter what. No one 
was going to take this away. Putting his weight on one elbow, he 
traced Xander's ecstatic face with one hand. He trailed two fingers 
over swollen lips. "Suck them," he rasped out.

"Mine," Xander whispered as he sucked Angel's fingers into his mouth. 
For a moment he was confused. Unsure of what he was suppose to do. 
Mentally he shrugged and decided to treat the fingers like he would a 
nipple. Pretend they were Angel's nipples. He wasn't ready for the 
more obvious parallel. ~You've already taken his dick up your ass, 
and simulated cock sucking makes you uncomfortable?~ He shouted at 
the voice in his head to shut up, and started to concentrate. Sucking 
at Angel's fingers hard. Swirling his tongue around the meaty digits. 
Racking his teeth against the knuckles. 

"That's it. Nice and wet," Angel groaned, removing his fingers with 
an audible pop. He sucked on them himself, adding his spit to the 
mix. Shifting a bit more, he reached down with them and, pushing 
Xander's legs open further with his knees, pressed one slowly into 
Xander's tight entrance. Xander was still a bit slick inside from 
earlier, providing just a bit more maddening wet heat. ~Slow, slow, 
slow. We've got time now.~ Twisting and thrusting, Angel added his 
other spit coated finger, watching Xander's face. "God, you're 
beautiful," he whispered, crooking his knuckles.

Xander had known where this was heading. Somewhere in his head, he 
had known, but still he wasn't ready. Wasn't ready for the finger 
that speared inside him. Wasn't ready for the second one. Or for how 
his muscles protested. Angel was gonna fuck him. He wanted to 
protest. It had hurt so much the first time... Even with the spell. 
But somewhere he had know this was what was going to happen. Had 
offered it to Angel, blithely. He bit his lip, trying to relax, and 
then Angel did that thing with his fingers. That thing that made his 
eyesight explode and his body jerk like a fish on a hook. In a good 
way... That good thing. "Oh God!"

Angel smiled. Now he knew he could take this slow and easy. Show 
Xander it didn't have to be painful and quick. Leave him wanting it 
again. "Nice and easy, Xander," he said, kissing the side of his 
neck. "Doesn't have to hurt." He worked his fingers slowly, 
scissoring them, stroking that tiny, hard spot as often as he could. 
Sliding down, he nuzzled Xander's cock. "Want you to enjoy this," he 
murmured against the thin skin. Wetting his lips, he sucked the 
leaking cock into his mouth, moving in time with his buried fingers.

 Xander's eyes rolled back into his head, which was okay. It wasn't 
as if he could actually see anything with the fireworks exploding in 
his head. He didn't have blood in his veins any more, he was sure of 
it. No, he had lightning, which crackled and buzzed in time with the 
bobbing mouth on his cock and those evil, evil, fingers. He arched 
and thrashed against Angel. Almost mindless babbling nonsense words.  

Using his elbows, Angel held Xander down as best he could. It was 
getting hard to separate his feelings from Xander's now, all of them 
merging into one overwhelming ball of pleasure. He concentrated, 
though, taking Xander deeper and deeper into his mouth. Applying 
suction, pressure, and a light scrape of teeth. His fingers never 
stopped, spreading, moving in and out, preparing the place he longed 
to bury his cock in. 

It seemed like forever and a night, that Xander had been played out 
under Angel's ministrations. Forever and a night, the pleasure 
crested and receded like the tide pulled by the moon. Always close, 
but never quite near enough. So caught in those tides, Xander didn't 
notice his body starting to move in rhythm with Angel, thrusting back 
on to the fingers and up into the cool wicked mouth, seeking more. 
Seeking to crest and smash upon the shore finally. He was desperate 
now, moaning and begging wordlessly, and still when it came, when he 
came, it caught him by surprise. A white blinding light that burned 
away his senses- Xander screamed.

Angel froze and tried not to swallow. A little slipped down his 
throat anyway, taking the sweet-salty taste of Xander down. When 
Xander stilled at last, Angel carefully sat back on his knees. He let 
the cum in his mouth flow onto one palm and slicked it over his cock. 
Blood, cum, it all worked for the task at hand. Bits of life to make 
love so much easier. He licked his lips, swallowing the rest. Damn, 
Xander tasted good, full of life and vigor. Positioning himself, he 
removed his other hand and took hold of Xander's hips, raising them 
to his waist. "Xander, look at me." When the dazed eyes focused on 
his, Angel slid in with exaggerated care. "I love you."

Xander whimpered, not quite comprehending the words, but 
intrinsically grasping the feelings flooding through the bond. Dazed 
and confused. The force of that orgasm had left him dazed and 
confused, and unable to connect things. Words to meanings. Sound to 
words. He couldn't decide if his skin felt too tight or too loose. 
Almost like it wasn't his own, and yet he'd never felt more at home 
with it. More relaxed. More euphoric. His head sank back into the 
pillow and Xander moaned lowly. ~Lemures on crack had no clue... 
Maybe lemures on smack.~ He giggled. 

Where the giggle came from, Angel had no clue. What he did know was 
Xander looked and felt nearly puddled from relaxation. He smiled back 
and then gasped as he felt himself sink all the way in. Completely 
surrounded by pulsing, soft heat, loosening just enough around his 
cock. He sat there, shaking for a moment, traces of Xander's orgasm 
still skating across his mind. Then, crooning nonsense under his 
breath, he hooked Xander's knees to keep the tired limbs in place, 
and leaned forward. Slowly he began to thrust. 

Xander's eyes widened in shock. Angel was fucking him! When the hell 
had that happened?! And where the hell was he?! Amazement followed 
quickly on the coattails of shock. It didn't hurt. Not like before. 
It wasn't without discomfort, but nothing like the sharp stabbing of 
before. Some of the tension he hadn't even realized was building, 
released. He wasn't so out of it that he couldn't realize how slow 
and gentle Angel was taking him. Almost tenderly. It wasn't so bad. 
Strange, but not bad. He could do this, and if Angel hit that spot- 
Xander's head snapped back, as he instinctually bucked into the 
stroke, trying to draw out the explosive contact. "Yesssss!"

Grasping Xander's hips tighter, Angel continued his slow rhythm. It 
was exquisite torture for himself and, hopefully, Xander. He turned 
his head and rubbed his cheek against one of Xander's knees, 
relishing the feel of his lover. ~Mine. Damn. His. Oh hell. I'm used 
to it already?~ He looked down at Xander, flushed and gorgeous. 
~Yeah, yeah I am.~ Bending closer, he rested his forehead on Xander's 
chest and just loved him with body and strange old soul.

All that concern. All that love. Funneled through Xander with Angel's 
tender touches, humming along the bond. All that careful control. In 
all his life, Xander never imagined he'd be in this position... Not 
with anyone, much less Angel. Bent almost in two, his legs pushed 
wide to accommodate a wider heavier body, pinned to the mattress. 
Spread wide and open, unable to do anything but take it. Take Angel. 
Take Angel into his body, soul, and heart. It felt good. No, better 
than good. He felt good. Complete. And if he was honest with no one 
but himself, he never felt this way with anyone, about anything 
really, spell or not. It made his heart burn and his body sing. ~Oh 
God, is this what love really is?~ One of his hands unfroze from its 
position at his side and wound itself into Angel's hair, rubbing at 
the sable mass. Suddenly, Xander knew shame. Angel was giving and 
giving. All his love, care and worship to Xander, and all he was 
doing was laying there. Taking. He wanted to give... "Love you. Let 
go. Take what you need.  Let me give that to you... I Love you, 
Angel." 

Angel bit his lip and picked up his pace a bit. "Oh... God... 
Xander..." There used to be a time he could do this all night, never 
pausing, never breaking stride. Maybe the occasional change of 
partners, or a fresh victim. Now, though, with Xander writhing under 
him, touching him, being part of him, he wasn't going to last another 
minute, much less the rest of the night. He held out as long as he 
could, making each thrust count. Shock waves ripped through him, 
lighting up his nerves as he came, dimly aware he was screaming 
Xander's name.  

Xander screamed at the ferocity of Angel's orgasm slammed into his 
mind. Colors blurred, but lost none of their intensity. Everything 
just seemed to run together like melting plastic. They weren't just 
joined. No, Angel and Xander ceased to be, they were one creature in 
that split second, howling in pleasure, joy, and completeness. They 
were whole.

Vertigo made Angel slam his hands down on the bed, seeking balance. 
Everything had shifted, tilting over an edge he couldn't see. He 
stared, wide-eyed, down at himself... no, Xander. Bright, beautiful 
Xander, panting and quivering under him. For a moment, he'd lost 
himself, but was lifted by the strong sense of oneness they now 
shared. His mouth opened once, twice, but he couldn't find words to 
say. Anything would have sounded pale in comparison. He settled for 
kissing Xander breathless as he slid out, gathering Xander close and 
rolling to his side.

As quick as that moment of oneness came, the separation into their 
own minds hit Xander just as fast. Though not completely, never 
completely alone, never again. Exhausted, Xander lay there 
occasionally twitching as the aftershocks ground their way out of his 
body. They lay there holding each other, silently. Xander had never 
been good with silent, never comfortable with it, but there seemed to 
be nothing to say at the moment. ~Neat-o.~ Too juvenile. ~Wow.~ Too 
belittling. ~Can we do that again?~ Waaaaaaay too optimistic. Silent 
was good. Silent was okay. He smiled into Angel's broad chest.

Angel pressed a kiss to Xander's still slightly damp and very mussed 
hair. Using one hand, he treaded out the tangles. It felt good to 
just lay here, not fearing Angelus, quiet for once, roaring out. Not 
worrying about having to dash somewhere before dawn. Not having to 
care about anything but the man in his arms. Again, he thought of 
Spike and Riley. Would they, or had they, reached this point? Could 
either of them accept this beyond Hellmouth bizarre turn of events? 
He didn't know much about Riley, other than he didn't like him... 
Hm... he didn't like Spike that much now either. A chuckle rumbled up 
from his chest. Oh those two were in for a surprise.

Xander shifted his gaze, and raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Something 
humorous, Chuckles?"

Angel thwipped Xander's shoulder with a finger. Trust the boy to not 
forget. "Just thinking about Spike and Riley. Wondering how that 
overly macho twosome is dealing with this."

"Well, you said Riley was still alive... So they did the deed." 
Xander tried not to smile. ~It's not funny! Oh come on, yes, it is... 
If any one has the right to find it funny. I do... Er, and 
Angel.~ "Oh man," Xander started laughing, "Spike and Riley. Riley 
and Spike. Probably trying to kill each other- Even though they 
can't... Oh my God, betcha that's what they're using for foreplay."

Angel laughed. "Fairly typical Spike foreplay actually." He could see 
Spike's face, all screwed up as he tried to deny there was anything 
resembling feelings involved. Maybe they could get Willow to take a 
picture of the happy couple. He sure as hell wasn't asking Buffy. 
Oh... oh crap. ~She has to be crushed by this. I hope Giles and 
Willow are there for her. What am I thinking, of course they are. 
Just don't know how much that will help.~ He probed his heart, 
searching for the Buffy spot that used to be there. It still was... 
as a friend. Maybe not a close friend, that sort of came with 
the 'get over this' aspect they had, but still a friend. 

"And you would know that *how*?" Xander's eyes narrowed and his smile 
faded. There was an edge to his voice. An edge he refused to 
recognize. ~Spike and Angel? Deadboy and the Blonde Menace. I'll kill 
him!~

Xander's jealousy hit Angel like a ton of bricks. "Xander, I made 
him. Well, Drusilla started it, but damn near killed him. I sorta 
finished the job. So I know." He shifted under the intense stare. "It 
was a long time ago, I swear. Before I met you... wait... before your 
grandparents were born. Old history, okay?" ~I feel like I got caught 
with lipstick on my collar!~

"Woah... I yi yi yi. " Xander took a deep breath, and struggled back 
into control. He was jealous. Insanely, vampire killing jealous. Of 
Spike. It was so silly that it was stupid. ~Buffy. Now she should 
make me feel that way. And she doesn't. Okay. One more confusion to 
add to the list.~ He shook his head and smiled wryly. "Sorry. I have 
no idea where that came from. One green eyed monster back in the box."

Angel chuckled again and hugged Xander close. "It's okay. Has to be 
the Bond thing. Kinda makes me wonder who I'll get all growly over." 
He planted a kiss on Xander's forehead.

"You're gonna get growly? Over me? Wow..." Xander relaxed back into 
Angel's embrace. Somehow, Angel getting jealous over him made it 
okay. ~Weird.~

"Yeah, that I don't doubt. Some one's gonna look too long at your 
butt and I'm gonna get all ggrrr. Well, maybe not gameface sorta 
ggrrr. Unless it's another vampire or demon. Or lawyer," Angel said. 
He fished up the covers and tucked them around their comfortable 
sprawl. "You need sleep, by the way." He yawned. "And apparently so 
do I."

"Hmmmmmm," Xander murmured, and closed his eyes. Closed his eyes but 
couldn't find sleep. All the changes, all the recent events, were 
running around his brain like a small annoying dog. A small annoying 
yappy dog. A small annoying undead yappy dog.  Because it wouldn not 
die!  ~Oh crap!~  There was something else... How could he forget 
something so important! So vital!  

Xander opened his eyes and ran his hand down Angel's arm. "Angel?" No 
answer. "Angel." Silence. "Deadboy!" He poked Angel, "Jeeze, be a guy 
much? Wake up Deadboy."

Angel opened one eye. "You gonna keep calling me that?" He yawned 
again. "What?"

"Yeah, probably." Xander grinned, then grew serious.  Deadly 
serious.  "I'm hungry!" he whined.

The End