KILL YOUR CAPTAIN

By Kate Bolin

For the soundtrack to this story, click here. Thanks to Vicki Jones!

Susan Ivanova walked into Delenn's quarters. Delenn frowned when she saw her. "Commander," she said. "You're dressed rather...oddly."

Susan looked down at her fatigues and T-shirt and laughed. "So what?" she said. She pulled a bottle of vodka from behind her back. "Wanna drink?"

Delenn frowned even deeper. "You know alcohol causes violent rages in Minbari..."

Susan nodded. "But you're mostly human now." She held up the bottle again. "C'mon...try it..."

Delenn looked at the bottle, then at Susan, then at the bottle again. She was saved from making a decision by the chiming of her comm panel. "Excuse me," she said to Susan.

It was John Sheridan. "Hi Delenn," he said.

Delenn smiled lovingly. "Hello, John," she said. "Are you still coming for dinner tonight?"

John sighed. "Delenn..." he said, "something's come up. I can't make it...I'm sorry."

Delenn's face fell. "No, it's all right," she said dully. "I will see you tomorrow?" Her voice lifted in hope.

John sighed again. "I don't know, Delenn. Things are kinda heavy for the next few days." He paused for a second. "I'll call you, okay?"

Delenn nodded. The screen returned to its standard "Babcom" logo. Delenn stood there for a second, then held out her hand. "Give me the bottle, Susan," she said quietly.

Susan grinned and passed it her way. "Drink up!"

Delenn lifted up the bottle and laughed. "You know, you were right, Susan. I don't feel violent at all."

Susan grinned. "Thought so..." She took the bottle from Delenn and took another swig of it. "And think...it's all because of John..."

Delenn took the bottle back. "John..." she said before taking another swig. "John, John, John, John, John." She stared at the floor. "You know," she said, her voice philosophical. "I feel like everything I've done for the past year has been for John. All year long, it's been 'Oh John' this and 'Oh John' that. It's always been about John!" She stood up. "I'm sick of John!"

Susan stood up along with her. "So am I!" She held up the vodka bottle. "To being sick of John!"

Delenn looked at the vodka bottle. "Susan...we're out of vodka."

Susan looked at the bottle for a long minute. "You're right. C'mon...I've got more at home."

They walked into Susan's quarters. Susan walked over to a cabinet, opened it, and revealed bottles upon bottles of vodka. Susan took out around three, sticking one in her pocket, another in her hand, and passing one to Delenn. "I think this'll last us...oh...an hour or so."

Delenn took a swig from her bottle, then looked around Susan's quarters. Her eyes lit up when she spotted the large gun collection on the wall. "Oh my..." she said, awe in her voice.

Susan grinned. "Yeah. Aren't they beauties?" She patted the largest one on the wall. "With these, you could take out anybody."

Delenn looked at the gun lovingly and started talking to herself. "John wants this, John wants that...I'll give John what I want..."

Susan grinned. "Let's give him what he's been asking for." She picked up one of her guns and released the safety. "Let's kill your boyfriend!"

John Sheridan looked at the pile of paperwork before him and sighed. "I'm never going to get this done," he said to himself. He resumed looking at the report in front of him, the same one he had been looking at for the past three hours. "The...sta...tion...is...big..." he read aloud slowly. He heard footsteps at the door and looked up.

There stood Delenn and Susan, looking like two small children with a big secret. "What's going on?" he asked.

Delenn grinned. "Well, John, we were talking..." She turned to Susan.

Susan grinned and continued the sentence. "And we decided..." She turned back to Delenn.

Delenn got an odd gleam in her eyes. "We decided," she said firmly, "that killing you would make everything better."

John looked at them in disbelief. "What?" he asked.

Delenn pulled out a large pistol. "We're going to kill you. That way I won't have to say 'Oh John' ever again!"

John still stared at his fiancee in disbelief. "Delenn?" he asked. "What's going on?"

Susan sighed. "Captain, we're just gonna kill you, okay?"

John looked at both of them, still not believing. "What are you talking about?"

Delenn looked at Susan, shook her head, then blasted two rounds into John's body.

John fell to the floor, blood splattering everywhere. "Why?" he asked painfully.

Delenn looked at him. "Because I needed the change, John." She smiled and shot him again, this time in the head.

Susan came up behind Delenn and hugged her. "Woo-hoo!" she yelled. "You really showed him!"

Delenn grinned. "I guess I did." She turned to Susan. "And it felt good!"

Susan got an odd look in her eyes. She moved closer to Delenn. "I know something that'll feel better," she said huskily. She kissed Delenn, lightly at first, then with more drive.

Delenn returned the kiss hungrily. She broke the kiss for a second and grinned. "I did not know that humans were so...advanced." She kissed Susan again. They began to shove papers off of the recently deceased Sheridan's desk, still kissing. Delenn began to pull Susan onto the desk, on top of her. They continued kissing.

Susan looked around the corner. "All clear, Delenn," she said in a whisper. They walked out into the hallway, trying to be clandestine.

"So now what?" asked Delenn, still glowing from either the murder or the events afterwards.

Susan pulled something out of her pocket. "Wanna blow stuff up?"

Delenn looked at the object closer. She grinned when she realized that it was a small package of explosives. "Wonderful!" she said, and took another swig of her vodka. "So what do we blow up first?"

Susan looked around, frowned, and took another gulp from her bottle. Suddenly, realization (as well as the alcohol) hit her. "I know!" she said happily. "Let's blow up Medlab!"

Delenn clapped happily. "Goody!" she said.

They ran into Medlab. Franklin stood up the second they walked in. "What the hell is going on?" he asked.

Susan smiled and walked over to him. "We're taking over, Stephen."

He frowned. "What?" he asked sharply.

Delenn rummaged around in a nearby drawer and pulled out a package of stims. "We're taking over," she said. "We are tired of men, Doctor. We are in charge now." She passed the stims to Susan.

"What?" Franklin asked again. "What are you talking about?"

Susan smiled and pushed the stim package to Franklin's neck. "This."

Franklin stood up, clutching at his heart. "Help...me..." he croaked before falling to the ground.

"Oh too bad," Susan said. She took a swig of vodka before continuing. "And we all thought he had finally beaten that stim addiction."

Delenn nodded and drank from her bottle. She then stared at the bottle angrily. "Damn!" she yelled, throwing it in the direction of some shocked doctors. "It's empty!"

Susan looked at hers at well. "Let's get some more!" she said, stepping over Franklin's body. She wrapped her arm around Delenn's waist, and together they stepped out of the Medlab just before it burst into flames.

Halfway through the destruction of the Zocalo, while Delenn and Susan stood on the elevated walkway, picking off tourists, Marcus stepped in front of them, Minbari fighting pike in his hands. "I can't let you do this, Susan!" he cried to them.

Susan and Delenn stopped and stared at him. "I get this one," Susan muttered to Delenn. She walked up to Marcus.

"Stop this insanity, Susan!" Marcus said to her dramatically.

Susan stared at him, and started laughed. "Marcus, what are you doing?"

Marcus straightened up, a confused look in his eyes. "I'm protecting this station," he said defensively.

Susan laughed again. "With that?" She pointed at his Minbari Fighting Pike, which when laughed at, shrunk to its regular size.

"What's wrong with my stick?" he said, even more defensively.

Susan started laughing again. "Marcus, I know you're a virgin and all, but THAT has to be the largest overcompensation I have ever seen!" She cocked her gun at his head.

"Wait, Susan!" he said desperately. "I love you!"

Susan raised an eyebrow. "Marcus, sometimes you were amusing. Most of the time, you were annoying." She blew him away.

Delenn came up to her. "My," she said breathlessly. "You handled that quite well." She kissed Susan hungrily.

"Hold it right there."

Susan turned around. "Garibaldi! How nice to see you!" She saw the large amount of security forces behind him. "And I see you brought all your friends too!"

Garibaldi aimed his gun at Susan while Zack aimed his at Delenn's. "We know what you've done. You can't get away with it. Just come with us peacefully and we won't have to hurt you."

Delenn laughed. "Come with you?" she asked mockingly. "You're asking me to come with you? Who are you to be telling me what to do?" She straightened up haughtily. "Wasn't I the one that saved your people? Wasn't I the one that saved this station? Who are YOU to tell ME what to do, Mr. Garibaldi!"

Susan looked down at the ground floor of the Zocalo. She thought they could... She turned to Delenn quickly. "Jump off and keep on shooting. I think we can get them all."

Delenn nodded. They both stood on the edge of the walkway.

"Ready?" Susan said, grinning. "One...Two...Three!"

The two women jumped off the walkway, falling backwards, their guns blazing. The Security guys started firing, but were killed almost as fast as they were firing.

Delenn and Susan landed on the ground floor of the Zocalo more or less without a scratch. They were about to escape when they saw Lyta Alexander standing in the main exit. "You're not leaving," said Lyta.

Susan looked at Lyta. "And why not?"

Lyta did her telepath look at Susan. "Because I say so!"

Susan glared back at her. They stared at each other for a long time. Delenn swore that the air around them was crackling.

Suddenly, without any warning, Lyta's head exploded. Flying pieces of brain splattered everywhere, missing, for some strange reason, Delenn and Susan.

Delenn stared at Susan in surprise. "Susan," she said, her voice quiet, "how did you do that?"

Susan shrugged. "My mother made me build some powerful shields." She pulled some more explosives out of her pocket. "C'mon. We gotta finish setting this place up."

They ran around the station, setting explosives everywhere, all the time drinking. After several hours, they were done. Susan turned to Delenn. "So, is the White Star docked?"

Delenn nodded. "And ready to go. Shall we?" She held out her arm.

The two women walked arm in arm to the White Star. Once aboard, they took off. Susan waited until they were in minimum safe distance, then blew Babylon 5 sky high. "Boom today. There's always a boom today," she said quietly.

Delenn grinned, and hugged Susan. "You know," she said, her voice soft. "There are those Minbari beds to try out..."