the pearl


"Hey Cougs," Jensen said, looking up from his computer. "Hey, check this out."

Cougar kept looking down at his rifle, pointedly ignoring him.

"Cooooougaaaaaaar..." Jensen whined. "Look at me, look over here, Cougar Cougar Cougar COUGAR!"

Cougar swore under his breath and looked up, eyes narrowed.

Jensen sat there, holding his breasts in his hands, pressing them together under the tank top, grinning madly. "I have breasts!" He looked down at his own cleavage and laughed. "This is totally a handful, right?" he said, just before widening his eyes. "Hey, do we have champagne glasses? I could see if they fit into them, Madame de Pompadour-style."

Cougar looked back at his rifle, his swearing getting louder.

"Oh come on," Jensen slumped sadly against his chair. "You're not still mad, are you?" When Cougar didn't respond, he sighed. "Man, next time, I'm totally not shoving your ass out of the way of the gender-switching raygun, then."

He absentmindedly cupped a breast through his shirt again, stroking a nipple, shuddering at the sensation. "Dude, they are seriously more sensitive than they were before. I bet I could come just by playing with them."

Cougar dropped a small brush, wincing. "Stop it," he finally said, his voice ragged.

"Come on, Cougs, I'm bored!" Jensen sighed again and looked at Cougar. "You know that thing where women have like no recovery time between orgasms?" He held up his hands. "I think I totally gave myself carpal tunnel last night."

Cougar set the rifle on the drop sheet and put his head in his hands.

“Dude, what if I can't type any more? 'Sorry, sir, I can't hack into that security system, because I spent all of last night discovering my g-spot...' That's gonna end badly...”

Cougar closed his eyes, and prayed for death.

This The Losers story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at