From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: The Future is calmer with teRm Life Insurance
We're not dead.
Don't tell anyone.
New key attached.
j2
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From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: The Future is calmer with teRm Life Insurance
You son of a bitch.
B is crying her eyes out every night, and you tell me not to tell anyone?
And the fuck is going on anyway?
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Clean up, tune up and save with these deals
It was meant for us - we were on the ground. We thought we saved them.
They think we're dead. Keeping it that way.
None of us injured. Like vacation, only a bit more permanent.
Not supposed to be emailing you, but couldn't help myself. Triple-lock your pgp keys, just in case.
Can't tell B - she'd tell her entire class. I wish you could.
Love you, j1. Platonically.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Clean up, tune up and save with these deals
Keys always triple-locked. Quadruple-locked now.
B is still crying herself to sleep. Might have to break into concept of afterlife, but that might lead to bigger problems re: resurrection.
Going down tomorrow to pick up flag/dogtag. Fuck you for making us go through this.
But I still love you. Dumbass.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Horny Russian women want american men
Tell B it's like when Pinky jumped out of her tank, but with her uncle.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Horny Russian women want american men
That isn't going to work and you know it.
Ran into Daphne at the base. You never said she was pregnant. Didn't say a word about Scooby.
She will kill you when she finds out.
I might too.
B's team is heading towards the playoffs. Wishes you were here to cheer. So do I.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Dump Worthless Files that show up on your PC
Found jobs in order to get passports/travel back home.
Buy B a Real American Girl. Make sure it was inspected by #32145. Tag on the back of the dress.
El Gato works with me. Scooby's fixing mystery machines. Mufasa and Scar are doing...god only knows. Gambling, I think. And failing.
Can't complain. Girls at the factory love me and my pale ass.
Saw the stats on the team site. Freight-shipped a t-shirt from the company to the factory. Go Petunias!
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: re: Dump Worthless Files that show up on your PC
I hate to think of what'll happen when you wear that shirt in public. DADT, what's that?
Found a doll inspected by #32145. B loves it, but doesn't know why.
Bought another one to keep MIB. Consider it a future museum piece.
Daphne called up to talk. It fucking kills me to pretend you and Scoob are dead when I know otherwise. She's gonna figure it out, y'know.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Today we sell at -70% It Silica
DADT doesn't count when your entire team knows.
El Gato says hi.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica
Oh, so you're not supposed to mail me, but you tell El Gato?
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica
Found out about it in bed. I can't keep my mouth shut.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica
Apparently not. And I don't mean just talking.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica
Does B really like her uncle El Gato? And not just pretending, like she does with uncle Scar?
Because you might be seeing more of him. Just saying.
Um.
Yeah.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica
Yes. She wanted to bring home his dogtags to keep with yours.
Come home soon, stupid. And bring him with you.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Mr. j1753822! 80% can be saved and defence
New intel came through. Might be home sooner than we thought.
Mufasa has apparently found a new lioness.
Keep you posted.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Mr. j1753822! 80% can be saved and defence
So David Caruso just made a bad joke and put his sunglasses on. Another big case for the CSI.
Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, J, do NOT tell me that was you guys there.
What the fuck are you pulling?
And are you all okay?
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: 24 hour care for your aging Parents
Can't confirm or deny reports about events in Caruso-land.
We're all in one piece.
Things are...interesting, however. Will keep you posted when I can.
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: 24 hour care for your aging Parents
Daphne called about Caruso-land - the whole electromagnet thing time you and Scooby Doo had that mythbusters marathon and felt the need to recreate half of the experiments. I didn't tell her a thing, but I think she's getting suspicious. Not just of your sudden demise, but whether or not I know.
B's team is through to the semifinals. She wears your dogtags under her shirt.
Whatever the hell you're doing, do it quick and get home.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Your erotic nights are here to stay
At the Lyndon Johnson Space Center. Want any astronaut ice cream?
And do you still have those Journey mp3s?
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Your erotic nights are here to stay
Not since you drank all my mountain dew and started singing the entire album at 2am.
You're a specially trained computer tech. Use bittorrent like the rest of us.
And, no, I don't want any astronaut ice cream.
B's team are in the finals. Go Petunias! Unfortunately, the other team are from the Love Canal side of town - check out the attached photo.
j1
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Speak a language in ten days
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Mufasa's new lioness was a hyena in disguise.
Got injured - will live. Just made me more profane and jittery.
New key - fucking sextuple-lock this motherfucker.
Take B and go somewhere for the weekend. Get the fuck out of Dodge, J.
Please? Just in case?
I love you, J. Stay safe.
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From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Speak a language in ten days
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Re: Speak a language in ten days
We're alive.
Wrong about the lioness, weirdly psychic about Scar.
But we'll be home soon.
j2
From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Hot moms want to meet you
Scrappy Doo has been brought into the world. Surprisingly, Daphne did not kill Scooby when he showed up.
Got room for your darling brother and his boyfriend?
j2
From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org
Subject: Re: Hot moms want to meet you
B's game's is Saturday at 2pm.
Come the fuck home already.
j1
This The Losers story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at http://www.dymphna.net/fanfic/. And you can feedback her at dymphna@dymphna.net.