the pearl

Forgetting To "Hold On"

Buffy laid back on the bed, trying to forget the memories, trying to forget the past. But the images wouldn't go away.

Angel kissing her in the darkness, Buffy pulling him down onto the bed, the satin of her sheets against her back, the cool smoothness of his chest...

Buffy turned over and turned on the radio, trying to distract herself. The CD came on and began to play.

"Hold on....hold on to yourself...for this is gonna hurt like hell..."

Buffy closed her eyes again, her mind filled with the memories of Angel's arms on her, Angel's lips on her, Angel's body on her. She shook her head, trying to repress the memories, trying to repress the pain.

"What is it in me that refuses to believe this isn't easier than the real thing..."

It had been three weeks....three damn weeks. And she still couldn't get over it. Couldn't get over him. Couldn't get over the pain. She punched her pillow in anger. "God damn it!" she cursed into the pillow.

The radio continued to play. "And now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll se another day..."

Buffy looked at the radio, her eyes narrowing as she moved in.

Xander walked up the sidewalk towards Buffy's house, his arms filled with snack foods. Without warning, something flew from Buffy's window and clattered at Xander's feet.

Xander looked down. It was a CD, broken in half. Xander put down the junk food and picked it up, piecing it together to read the label. "Sarah McLachlan, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy," he read to himself. He shrugged. "I told her to stick with country."

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at