the pearl

The Heart's Filthy Lesson

"It's the heart's filthy lesson...falls upon deaf ears..."

Willow sat in the bathroom stall, crying. She grabbed more toilet paper and continued to sob, wiping her eyes roughly.

She heard the sound of the door opening and froze, stifling her sobs. The clacking sound of heels hitting the linoleum echoed throughout the small room until they finally stopped in front of her stall. Willow looked up at the person, her eyes red from crying.

Cordelia stood here, shaking her head slightly. "Willow," she said, her voice sharp and faintly mocking. "I haven't seen you crying in a stall since what? Eighth grade when I told you that you'd never get asked out in your life?"

Willow looked back down, her hair covering her face. "Go away, Cordelia," she said, her voice low. "I don't need to hear it right now."

Cordelia raised an eyebrow. "So what has you all worked up now? Another end of the world prophecy? Giles criticize you about your research skills? Buffy run off with Faith and won't let you play her Slayer games?"

Willow closed her eyes. Don't let her get to you don't let her get to you you're better than that... "Xander," she finally said quietly, barely above a whisper.

Cordelia stared at her. "Wait, excuse me. I must have been off in a parallel universe for a second. You did say 'Xander', right? The guy you stole from me?"

Willow looked up at Cordelia, her eyes glittering with angry tears. "He's not yours anymore," she said, her voice harsh.

"Yeah, and you made damn sure of that, didn't you?"

Willow stood up, her entire body tense with anger. "He slept with Faith! He went over there, and had sex!" she shouted, the words bouncing off the tile.

Cordelia's eyebrow quirked up again. "So he tells you he's finally lost his virginity, and you end up running to the bathroom and crying?" She made a clucking sound. "Willow," she said, her voice bitterly sharp. "Get over it."

Willow stared at her in shock. "What?" she asked, her eyes wide.

Cordelia looked straight at the other girl, her eyes wintry. "You heard me," she said. "Get. Over. It." She walked over to the mirror and looked at herself. "You're sitting here, crying, over someone who isn't yours, who'll never be yours." She turned back to Willow. "You stole him from me, then decided that you wanted someone else, then got upset when he turned to someone else." She chuckled dryly. "And you used to call me the tramp..."

Willow leaned against the wall for support, her eyes never leaving Cordelia's reflection. "Doesn't it hurt you?" she asked, her voice harsh with pain.

Cordelia turned to Willow. "Of course it does." She reached into her bag and pulled out her lipstick. "I hope his damn dick falls off." She expertly slid the color over her lips, then capped it tightly. "But it happened after we broke up." She looked up at Willow in the mirror. "Remember that? Xander and I aren't together anymore. And it's your fault."

"But I..." Willow searched for words.

"There's nothing you can say, Willow. Because I just saw what you did. You were sitting in here, crying over Xander." She shook her head. "I don't understand it. You have a boyfriend. You begged Oz to forgive you. I bet you even offered yourself to him so that he'd think that everything was okay again. But you're still sitting in here, crying over someone who wasn't yours to begin with."

She turned and faced Willow. "You had seventeen years to tell him how you felt, Willow. It was only when he wasn't yours anymore that you decided you wanted him." She shook her head in disbelief, then looked directly at Willow, her eyes narrowed. "You make me sick."

Willow flushed, her eyes looking downward. "I....I just wanted everything to be right again..." she said, her voice quiet.

Cordelia chuckled viciously again. "And you've certainly done a good job of that," she said, her voice harsh with sarcasm. "Tell me, was it fun stealing my boyfriend behind my back? Kissing him while I was stuck fighting demons with Buffy? Did you try to sleep with him while I was in the hospital having my guts stitched up? Because I'm really wondering what it'll be like when it happens to you. And, believe me, it will." She walked right up to Willow, her face barely inches from the other girl's, a sweetly vicious smile on her lips. "I just hope I'm there to watch it happen."

With those words, she left the bathroom, her heels clacking merrily on the lineoleum. Willow slowly slid down the wall, crumpling on the floor, her face expressionless.

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at