the pearl

Hit Me

Hit me. Go on, B. Do it. Do what you've always wanted to do. Hit me. Kill me. Mark me forever as someone who did you wrong, who fucked you over, who wrecked your life, and smiled as she did it.

Go on. Go with the flow, do what you like, hit me. Slap me. Punch me. Beat me over and over, turn me black and blue, stick my knife into my stomach again and again because you're right and I'm wrong. You're always right, and I'm always wrong. You're good, and I'm bad, and that's how it has to be, right?

Hit me. Do it. Don't look at me with those eyes, full of seething rage and contempt. You want me dead, don't you? You want me dismembered, you want to rip out my eyes and piss in the sockets, you want to scream exultantly as you stand on top of me, your sword in my belly, your teeth at my throat.

Yeah, that's it. Hit me. Mark me. Make it. Put me out of your life so you don't have to see how close you came to being me — how easily you can slip, how easily you can fall. How you're not the moral one anymore, how you're just another raving psychotic. Like me.

Go on, hit me. Make yourself forget.

Make yourself into me.

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at