the pearl

Nothing But Surrender

"angel looks down on him and says 'ah pretty boy can't you show me nothin' but surrender?"

He never realized that it could feel so good.

In all the hours he had spent lying in bed next to Buffy, his fingers tracing over the old scar on her neck, stopping only when she would shift in her sleep, mumbling unintelligibly, he had never imagined it feeling quite like this — feeling this good.

That flash of pain, like a tiny fist slamming against his inner arm, like the countless needles and tests, then the slow pure delicious ache — strong and thick and heady, as if lust and alcohol ran through his veins instead of the dull pulsing throb of red blood cells.

His mouth was dry, his cock was moist, pressing against his pants as his hips slowly thrust against air, his eyes closed in the heady rush of adrenaline and endorphins and the pain — that gorgeous decadent pain.

A small voice in the back of his head noted the sensations and the reactions and carefully filed them into the textbook scenarios. The memories of a girl in his small-town Iowan high school, with long black sleeves occasionally revealing a series of scars, and how tender they felt against his lips as he kissed them one long winter's night. Dr. Walsh and Forrest muttered a few warnings, and he knew how disappointed they would be in him — disappointed in his descent, but they were both dead and Riley could easily ignore them and his psychology training.

Because no textbook and no study and certainly no clinical case could ever prepare him for loving a girl who did everything better. He trapped monsters while she killed them with her order-from-on-high resolve and power. He lost his virginity to a high class whore, the "field trip" Forrest insisted he take one night their freshman year, while she destroyed and rebuilt ancient curses and legendary darkness in a single night of passion with her vampire lover. She had two little scars on her neck, from when she saved her lover and the world, and he...

He just had this moment, rough and dirty in an alleyway, this momentary escape from the life she forced him to lead, the life he wanted to lead. He was almost like her, almost like her, almost like the holy grace and the eternal struggle, almost like her.....

But everything he did was not.

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at