the pearl

Shadowing The Moon

She follows me. She hides in the shadows. I don't see her, but I know she's there. She has to be there. I read it in one of Giles' books after her throat was ripped out. Werewolves can't die without a silver bullet. They rise again, rising as a mixture of werewolf and vampire.

She rose again, I know it. She rose again for me.


I hide in my room, locked up in shadows and silence, spells wrapping around my body and my mind and my soul, protecting me from her. I like to believe they work.

I like to believe I'm doing something that will save me. Something that will keep her away at night, nights with full moons, nights with half moons, nights with no moons, sliding up to me in darkness, her lips on my neck, her lips on my forehead, her lips on mine, sliding down between my legs with the fluid moment of animals.


I am raw, weeping, scalding water in the shower as I scrub and scrub and scrub, trying to remove the guilt, the shame, the lust filling me when I think of her, when I think about killing her, slowly, knives, guns, swords, spells, ripping her throat out again as my fingers push against her, biting as she comes against my hand.


She watches me as I shower. As I sleep. As I eat. As I live. Every breath, every step, she's there, her eyes yellow, yellow like a wolf's, like a vampire's, sliding over my body like fingers, like liquid. No one else knows she's there, but I do.


Buffy worries about me, hiding in my room, but she doesn't know. She doesn't see. I can point and screech all I want, but she won't see her. And she can't kill her. I know she can't. And what could Buffy do? She can't handle this. There's no way the Slayer can handle this, even if it is a vampire, a demon, an unnatural creature reeking of death and pain. Buffy would be easy, neck snapped in an instant as she laughed, looking directly at me.


Sleep and nightmares wrap around me every night, and there she is, there she always is, lurking in the shadows, staring at me as my world falls apart and I slide into emptiness.

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at