the pearl

Than Yesterday (The Brave New Girl Remix)

Remix of Than Yesterday by itsacraze

She fucking hates pop music.

She needs something loud and angry and with a hard beat — something that lets her dance until she's hot and raw and needy. None of this doe-eyed girly-girl "ooh baby I love you so" bullshit — save that for Dawn or rest of the junior pep squad like that. You spend your night fighting evil, you ain't gonna sit down and listen to love ballads any time soon.

So of course she's waiting outside a soundstage, smirking at the interns who pass by with a glare as she works her way through a pack of cigarettes, half-listening, half-not to the sounds inside.

She didn't even have to bust her way into the studio, which was something of a letdown, because she figured taking down a bunch of security guys would be fun, but Angel's legal team gave her a pass and everything. She could've actually gone all the way right in, sitting on one of those directors chairs, watching the whole thing and only then going up to her, but what's the fun in that?

Besides, this entire thing will go down a lot smoother if it's just her and her, y'know?

It wasn't like she signed up for this gig anyway. B gets to go all over Europe picking up little Slayers, Willow and her little girlfriend are hitting Asia, and she's sure someone's gone to Africa, but what does Faith get?

Sitting on a piece of concrete, waiting for Barbie doll to finish so that she can tell her about her big fuckin' destiny.

'Cause that'll go over so well.

"You know that whole National Enquirer problem you've got goin'? Yeah, well, it's gonna get a whole lot worse, 'cause now you gotta make sure that, despite hundreds of girls all over the world suddenly gettin' super powers and a destiny, we can't let 'em know that there are vampires and demons and Slayers — like you. So you gotta keep your nose clean, and I'm here to help."

It's that last part that sticks. Even Xander would be better at this whole popstar thing. What the hell is she supposed to do?

Bitch'd probably cry if she chipped her nail polish. Fuck only knows what she'll do if she's gotta fight...

People start filing out of the soundstage and Faith stands up. The sooner she gets this over with, the better, and, frankly, the sooner she tells this little airhead about her brand new destiny, the sooner she can get out and find some real music...

She heads out to the trailer and only gets stopped once, by this big piece of meat that, if it had been any other time, she'd probably be ridin' off into the grand ol' sunset, but, now, she just throws him against the wall with barely any movement.

The door swings open and there she is, all blonde hair and perfect makeup and — okay, admit it — maybe this'll be a bit more fun to ride.

"You should really get the security in this place checked," Faith purrs, looking down her shirt with barely any effort.

She glares at Faith like trashy brunettes stare down her top all the time. "Who the hell are you?" she drawls, her voice like Louisianan air — sticky and sweet and — ooh, it'll be hotter than rasslin' gators, that's for damn sure.

Faith grins and tosses her hair back, sizing up Little Miss MTV before replying. "Would you believe it if I said that I'm a vampire slayer." And now that she's said the words, fuck, she doesn't believe it either, but maybe they'll get to fight or something... "And now we're linked by a magical bond because this chick I kinda used to know did a funny spell and woke up all that hidden fun locked up in that tight little body of yours. Vampires are real, demons are real; werewolves, ghosts, witches. Fuck, probably leprechauns, too..." She moves forward, walking into the trailer and just ever-so-slightly pushing her aside.

"Look, Christina or Jessica or whoever the fuck you are..."

Bam, and Faith's knocked off her ass and against the trailer wall and that blonde bitch has her by the throat for a second before she steps back and stares at her, scared out of her fucking wits.

"How did I..." she trails off, those big vacant eyes staring at Faith.

This is too fucking hilarious. B must be pissing herself laughing because she's off in fucking Europe, and she's given Faith this job.

Aw, fuck it. It'll be amusing.

"Welcome to the club."

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Real Person story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at