the pearl

Xander's Fun Day

Xander walked up to Willow. "Hi," he said, his voice quiet.

Willow turned to him and smiled. "Hi, Xander!" she said cheerfully. "Can you help me with my books?" SHe pointed to a large pile of textbooks, each heavier-looking than the one stacked above it.

Xander looked at the books.

Xander looked at Willow.

"No." And with a push, he toppled the books onto her, crushing her under obscure topics such as 'Esoteric Christianity', 'The Violent and the Sacred', and 'DFQ 101'

Willow was quite dead.

Xander paused, looked at the body, then shrugged. He walked down the main campus road, whistling.

Suddenly, an excessively pomaded man stood in front of him. "Well..." the man purred in his faux British accent. "What do we have here?"

Xander looked up at the man. "You aren't from England, are you?"

The man, who was Spike, in case you couldn't guess, looked infuriated. "I am so English! Bullocks! Blimey! Cor!"

Xander shook his head. "I don't think you are. You're from Lakewood, aren't you?"

Spike's shoulders slumped. "And I" he said in his regular Southern Californian accent.

Xander patted his shoulder. "It's okay. Lakewood has a nice mall."

Xander then remembered that he was comforting a vampire, decided that wasn't good, and staked Spike.

Spike yelled out "Bummer!" before he turned to ash. Xander stood there for a second, shrugged, then continued walking, still whistling.

Before too long, Xander was at a nice house with a nice fence and a nice porch.

Oz was sitting on the porch, being Oz in the Oz sort of way. Very Zen Buddhist, even though Oz was really Methodist.

Oz looked up. "Hey, Xander," he said, still very mellow. But not drug-mellow. Natural mellow. Rocky Mountain High, except that Sunnydale was in a Southern California valley.

Xander sat down on the porch next to Oz. "Hey, Oz," he said, still humming the same tune he had been whistling — "Love Will Keep Us together" by Captain and Tennille

Oz looked at him. "You wanna watch cartoons?" he asked.

"Johnny Quest on?"


"Hadji's gay."

"No, Race and Benton are gay. Hadji's bi. So he can sleep with Jessie and Johnny at the same time."

Xander thought about that for a moment, then nodded. "You're right. Let's go."

The two walked into the house and happily watched TV. They did more after that, but let's leave them to their privacy.

This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at And you can feedback her at