He's gone, man.
He couldn't handle what was going on. That's what he told me. That things were changing, he couldn't handle what was going on, and he had to leave. He took it all too far, and now I'm stuck without a guitarist, stuck without him.
I lost him. All I have now is my love of love. And love is not loving. It's a vicious bitch that ripped out my heart and left me with half a band and no Oz.
No Oz.
He told me the night before he left, before he told Willow, before he drove off in his van. I didn't know what time it was the lights were low. It was cold — cold, here, in Southern California. And it rained. And I couldn't feel anything when he told me. I felt like an actor, listening to him with deaf ears.
No, shit, that's the wrong chord, you fuck. God, I hate this new guitarist. Shy broke up when their lead singer disappeared, and we got their guitarist. He's crap. Oz may have taken it all too far, but he could play guitar.
We were gorgeous together, you know? Fucking genius. Lady Stardust singing his songs of darkness and dismay and the bitter coming out better on his stolen guitar, slipping and sliding through the beat and bass, moving around like tigers on vaseline. I was the dramatic one, falling in love all right as a rock and roll star. He was calm, cool, able to fall asleep at night as a rock and roll star, while I twisted and turned, funky glorified freshness in hiphuggers and a sparkly shirt.
I'm so wiped out with things as they are — the real world fucks with my head and I can't deal. I can't dance, don't talk much, just ball and play, and Oz took care of me. Oz took care of all of us. He was everyone that ever cared. But then she came along. There's only room for one and here she comes as she comes, blinding him to the band, blinding him to us with her red hair and her thin lips and her little virgin self.
And now I have no one to play guitar, I have no one to care for me, I have no Oz. If you'd just come back, Oz, if you just stop by...you got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care...
If I could only make you see...
If I could only make you mine.
This Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer story was written by Kate Bolin. If you liked it, there's plenty more at http://www.dymphna.net/fanfic/. And you can feedback her at dymphna@dymphna.net.