anger
criss
I'm pissed.
Straight-off, no holds barred, one-hundred percent fuck-all angry.
'Cause I'm dead and you're...well, dead, but a whole lot more alive than I am right now.
Wet, angry, confused about how I can be wet when I'm dead, confused because I don't really understand what's going on, and angry, boiling with it, because I can see you. Right now, I'm watching you with him.
Not angry at him, see. He's doing what's understandable. He's making sure he's still alive, he's feeling the blood course through his veins, the sweat bead on his chest, slip between his ass-cheeks, he's screaming with how alive he is.
That, I get. I'm cool with that. I'm even okay with his choice of a fuck-buddy, though Cordy would have made me happier. But she wasn't here, and the dead-guy was, and I can...be dead with that.
You. Man, he's opening himself wide and raw to you and you look like you're takin' a fucking stroll down the street, pleasant and calm, no muss, no fuss, certainly no screaming man ripping his skin for you, here, drink, I want to know it, to feel it, just once. On this night, you take that, you drink, and still, your stoic face is smooth, relaxed, as if you weren't slurping on hot, bright blood.
I died last night. I stepped away from the swing of a wicked looking axe one second too late and found it's blade in my chest. Time slowed, I crumbled to the floor, and you kept fighting, barely noticing that Wesley and Cordelia had rushed to my side. Moments later, the fight over, Wesley and Cordelia running for help, you knelt by my side, watching me die. That part I don't remember. Things were red, then they were gray, and then I was here. I didn't see any of me dying until I got where I am now. Big-ass pillars, fog puffing up from the floor, and not much else. I've been standing around here, watching you fuck Wesley, watching my death, watching Cordelia hold my self-made weapon in her hands as she sits in the lobby of the hotel.
I'm not mad that you're not grieving. Or maybe you are and I don't see it.
But I'm crazy angry that you're fucking someone I love just because you can.