a tree in the forest
rebecca parker

I made sure I didn't bleed, just in case.

I'm not as thoughtless as you thought I was, Buffy.

The whole deal with the Key and me still being it, or not, was too murky to take chances.

So I made sure I didn't bleed. I skipped the razors, skipped the fall, and went straight for the pills.

No muss, no fuss.

It's what I tried to be for you. Failed miserably, didn't I?

If it wasn't for all the times you had to save me, I doubt I would have seen you at all. You probably think I did it on purpose, but I never did. Being the Slayer's sister painted a big ole bulls eye on my forehead.

It all came down to you. What else is new?

I didn't bleed, in the end. Didn't want to risk the chance of letting some hell dimension open up and take you away from your precious Spike time. I didn't want to let some God come and whisk you away from your little puppy dog vampire, following you around looking for a treat.

You had a way of making us all so low. The things we'd do for you-

Whatever. This isn't to make you feel guilty. You know, I don't know what it's for. Maybe it's because I'm angry, and never got to show it. Maybe because I want you to know who I really am- you know, the girl you would have gotten to know had you actually been around.

And who knows, maybe you're reading this wondering who the hell this girl is that's writing to you and how the hell I know all about you and Spike and your little fuck sessions.

Maybe once I die, the memories of me die too, and you're wondering who exactly this corpse is and what exactly it's doing on the floor of your living room.

Maybe I'll just disappear and you'll wonder where the dead body is that's supposed to go with this note.

Who knows- maybe the note will disappear too.

And maybe you won't even notice because you won't come home tonight. Maybe Willow will find me if she's not too busy selling her soul for some power.

Most likely Tara will find me since she's the only one who comes looking for me anymore. In that case, Tara- thank you. I should probably write you your own letter, but what's the point? You know the real me, even though I'm sure you won't understand why I did this.

You know, I don't think even I know why. If you ask Buffy (if she remembers me, that is) she'll probably just say I was doing it for attention. She'll probably just say I was just being my usual bratty self.

Maybe she's right. But I won't play that part anymore.

The curtain's closed.



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