letter to angel

May 20, 2001

Dear Angel,

I don't even know if you'll get this letter, but I'm gonna think positive and hope that saving the other three will get me enough gold stars with God to make sure someone finds it.

I guess you'll hear it on the news, and I think if Cordelia was gonna have a vision about saving any of us it would have hit her by now. But it went down about a twelve hours ago and I can still hear them screaming out there. They're taking their time, working their way through the prison, and I don't know what the hell these fucking things are, but they came in mean, ugly and pissed off. Threw the guard through the damn safety glass, cut me up pretty good, knocked your friend Kate right out. Those two assholes from Wolfram and Hart were here somewhere, and I think they were the ones that brought the demons through. Must have screwed something up because they came tearing into the visiting room with those things on their tail, and I got the four of us locked in this office, door barricaded and all of us alive. Guess you never stop being the Slayer, never stop wanting to save people, even when you've killed a few in the bygones.

I'm trying to take stock of the situation. Like they told me to do, you know. Think ahead, plan it out, always have a backup. There ain't much here to go on, and writing it down makes it worse. I got one lady cop, out cold. I think she's hurt pretty bad, concussion maybe.

I got one pill-popping lady lawyer who is ready to have a complete mental breakdown if she ain't had it already. I guess it's wrong to wish she'd OD, but I keep hoping something will kick in and knock her out so she'll stop crying and snapping out every time she hears something walk by the door. She's missing that whole 'quiet so the monsters don't hear you' concept. I think Lindsey might knock her out himself, save me the trouble.

Yeah, he's not much help either. But I gotta thank him for the paper I'm writing this on, and the pen I'm using. Why'd he have to keep his fucking cell phone in the briefcase? That's probably out there somewhere, ringing and ringing until the battery dies. Unless one of the big uglies stepped on it, smashed it to hell. Whatever, no use thinking about it. He found the crackers in pill-lady's purse, too. So we got two peanut butter and cheese crackers each to last until someone finds us. No water, and even I know that's the worst thing. But we got crackers and paper, that's the big plus. Oh and I guess if push comes to shove I can take the plastic arm off Lindsey and use it to beat something if it tries to break in the door.

How's that for a backup plan? I'd laugh if it didn't hurt so much.

It don't look too bright right now, and that thorny path we always talk about? It's narrow as hell and getting smaller every minute. The lady cop, Kate, she might not make it either, but you should know she was here talking about getting me some paperwork to get my highschool thing, the GED I think she called it. She swears it wasn't your idea but she don't know me from Adam so I'm thinking maybe it was and she won't admit it. Anyway, thanks. For sending her. For thinking about me when you can't make it in yourself. I just wanted you to know that, just in case.

Let Wes know that it wasn't personal. None of the things I said to him, make sure he knows it was just me being Faith, being that hard ass who never saw a break. Me and Wes, we could have gone a long way together if I'd been a little less insane and he'd been a little more crazy, ya know?

I guess Cordelia might still hate me. I was gonna take her out and buy her a dress, some shoes, something, when I got out of here and made some money. Guess that won't be happening now. But tell her anyway, OK? Hey, I made sure not to break her nose when I took her down, she needs to give me points for that. Anyway, like I said, I'm sorry for hurting her.

Oh, and tell B I love her. Always have. Always will. You too, but you know that already. I might not have the paper that says I've got the brains, but you and me, we're enough alike that we can't hide nothing from the other one. So, yeah, you too.

I'm tired now, I think some of these cuts are pretty deep. Slayer healing and all, it still hurts. I'm gonna sign this, tell everyone in here you need to see it when it's all over, and then I'm gonna sleep for a while. Maybe I won't hear them screaming in my sleep. A little peace would be nice.



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