pathetic truth

Of all the pathetic, human things I could possibly do; I'm writing to someone who hasn't even been born, who probably won't be, and who shouldn't exist in the first place. I'm a 400-year-old demon, favorite of the Master, Death incarnate to anyone who crossed me, and I'm waxing poetic to a kid who might as well be a giant blood clot, for all I care. Your soul does strange and disturbing things to me.

Like making me sorry I wrote that. Damn, I've never apologized to anyone before, unless it could get me something. I even mean it. Because I do love you, as much as a vampire can. Please don't kid yourself, because your mother is truly an evil monster. Don't pretend I was some sap or do-gooder like your father (the rotten bastard). Honesty is something I value, even if I have no use for it myself. Don't let him sugar-coat my live(s). The one thing I can give you is the truth. And some tips, because life, and death, is never easy, and yours will be particularly cruel.

I hate your father, but once, a very long time ago, I loved him more than anyone. Until you, of course. We were a team, a glorious pair of murderers feasting on the lifeblood of Europe. Christ, those were the days. Then he got a soul, and decided to be an idiot. He'll claim that thing of his has made him good, and more worthy of redemption. But he's still my boy, and never forget that his soul doesn't matter as much as he makes out. You're soul, on the other hand, is innocent, like his never was. As much as I hate to admit I could be mother to some knight of fuc....damned knight of all that is good and holy.

Disgusting. I can't even curse properly anymore. Thanks a load, kid.

Which brings me to a bit of parental advice. Don't let Angelus con you into being his redemption ticket. You are not supposed to be his savior, so don't let him play the destiny card. "Son, you are destined to fight by my side for all those weak little chew toys, blah, blah, blah, divine purpose in life, yak, yak." Do what you want, and screw everyone else.

I hope you aren't a girl. It'll be easier if you aren't. But if you are, then you can use that. Take advantage of anyone who thinks you need coddled, and use their affection against them. They'll only end up whoring you out, one way or another.

I promised myself I'd keep this short and practical, but to Hell with that. You actually made me feel more than blind rage and a strong self preservation instinct. I love you in a selfless way, and I've never been selfless, even as a human. I'm making myself sick, and most likely you too if you're anything like me, but for some moronic reason, I have to say this. I'm glad I got a chance to know you, and love you, no matter what anyone might tell you.



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