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Flying Ignorami

"OK, they were here a second ago." Courtney raged as she rifled through her bag for the thousandth time. "I definitely had them when I arrived."


She emitted a barely restrained scream of frustration and kicked the treacherous bag that had swallowed her prize possession.

"Where the hell are my spanky pants?" she whined, crossing her arms like a petulant child.

Darcy rolled her eyes and walked away from the puerile scene taking place.

"Get a life Courtney, like anyone's gonna steal your underwear." Whitney offered, her face drawing into an expression of distaste at the very thought.

Courtney's only response was to hold up her right hand and extend her middle finger, not even gracing Whitney with a passing glance. She continued her search of the area surrounding her kit-bag, methodically extending the radius of her hunt with each revolution. After five solid minutes of rummaging, Courtney slammed her palm into a handy locker in irritation. Wincing in pain she cradled the throbbing appendage under her armpit and stormed off in a random direction, muttering and cursing as she went.

As she drew nearer to the showers she slowed down, trying to make out the low, muffled voices coming from within. High giggling erupted and Courtney recognised the laugh as Darcy's. Courtney stopped and listened, her investigation currently forgotten as the possibility of gossip loomed on the horizon.

"You do know she's going to exterminate you when she finds out don't you?"

Courtney rolled her eyes. Like 'kill' wouldn't have been sufficient.

"What? Hey, I got 'em off some kid. How was I supposed to know who they belonged to."

The slightly scratchy voice of the team's newest addition reached her ears and Courtney fought the urge to hurl some sort of slur at the girl. But she just about managed it, so as to maximise her chance of picking up something juicy on Missy. Or Darcy. Or Both.

"Why are they so important anyway?"

"She thinks they bring her luck or some other illogical misconception."

"Oh Darce, you know it makes me hot when you talk fancy."

Courtney's brain froze with the implications of Missy's last statement. Then it went into overdrive.

"Oh really? You think I might make you so hot that you'll...spontaneously combust?"

"Oooooh, Jude..."

Courtney was shell-shocked. Barely able to comprehend what was happening. But still, she couldn't resist a look. Just a little peek. A teeny-tiny glimpse. Just to back up the fabulous rumour she was currently concocting. An 'I saw it with my own eyes' always spiced things up.

Moving very carefully, employing stealth techniques she'd learned from 'Charlie's Angels', Courtney pressed herself against the wall and moved her head so that one eye could see the goings-on in the shower. That self-same eye almost bugged right out of Courtney's head at the sight in front of her. Darcy and Missy were both naked. Their bodies were wet. And soapy. And glistening. And taut. And...and Courtney wasn't supposed to be noticing things like that. She was supposed to be noticing that a major Dyke-o-Rama was taking place under her nose. Two members of her cheer-leading squad no less. Two beautiful, fit, young...dykes...were rubbing up against each other, in the showers, at Nationals.

Missy was kissing Darcy's neck, scraping her teeth over the tendons that played underneath the tanned skin. Darcy was pinned up against the shower wall. Her head was back and her eyes were closed, her face the picture of ecstasy. Dark tresses clung to both sets of shoulders as hot water continued to stream down on the couple, increasing the steaminess of the small space. Courtney was definitely feeling the heat. Darcy's hands slid over Missy's back, leaving haphazard patterns in the white soapy bubbles slowly making their way downwards.

Missy kissed her way up Darcy's throat and captured the full, slightly-parted lips that awaited her. A deep moan rumbled in Darcy's chest. The sound had a visceral effect on Courtney. Specifically, it made her lose her grip on the wall she had increasingly been leaning her weight on. The grunt she made when she came into contact with the hard floor of the shower room roused Missy and Darcy from their clinch.

Courtney scrambled to her feet and quickly looked up into the amused faces of the previously distracted pair. Missy was standing with her hands on her hips, displaying her assets for all the world to see. Darcy showed slightly more decorum by hiding most of her body behind her lover's.

"Like what you see?"

Missy's voice grated on Courtney's ears. Her annoyance increased as she caught herself looking at her arch-enemies body. The front of which was even better than the back. A blush crept up her neck and she averted her eyes, focussing instead on Missy's face.

"I knew it. I said it right from the start...total Diesel-Dyke, it was so obvious."

Courtney made an attempt at her usual bitchy attitude. But she couldn't quite muster her normal level of vitriol. It was probably the heat. Or something.

"Yep, you had me pegged. But then I never pretended I was anything else did I?" Missy questioned, enjoying the way Courtney was squirming under her scrutiny.


"Hmmm, no wonder your SAT verbal score so closely resembled your intelligence quotient, Courtney." Darcy said, condescendingly.

"And you! Does your Daddy know that his Princess is a rug-muncher?"

"Yes he does actually, he doesn't use that exact term of course. Missy's been round and done the whole 'meet the parents' shenanigan."

That left Courtney stumped. She stared mutely at Darcy, unable to do anything else. Missy quickly became bored with this state of affairs.

"Look Courtney, is that everything? Cuz you kinda interrupted us here."

"Uh...ummm...yeah, of course, like I'd want to stay here and watch 'Horny Cheerleaders IV'" Courtney scoffed.

"I dunno, you looked like you were enjoying the show earlier. Ever wondered why you're obsessed with homosexual insults Court?" Missy wiggled her eyebrows.

"Repression. Projection. Classic closet case." Darcy concurred.

Courtney was beyond speech. She so did not go in for that kind of stuff. No way. Nuh uh. Never. She spluttered a bit before turning on her heel and leaving the shower area.

"Oh, by the way, your spanky pants are on the bench by the door."

The words floated out on a cloud of steam and stopped Courtney in her tracks. She backtracked and stuck her head around the corner.

"You stole my spanky pants?" she asked, incredulous. "Oh my God. Ewwww, were you like, sniffing them or something?"

Courtney really tried to ignore the jolt of arousal that went through her at this perverse thought.

"Don't flatter yourself, babe. I got all the woman I need right here."

Missy pulled Darcy into her arms and squeezed her gently. Darcy dropped a kiss on Missy's cheek. Courtney once again turned to leave in disgust. But not before she heard Missy's parting words.

"And besides. I don't go for blondes."