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K: Obviously bisexual. This is the one with the "respect women" shirt.
K: He's a sensitive new age man! He cares about feelings!
K: He's not afraid to express his love!
D: Which says "but screw men too" on the back.
D: and all genders are invited to the Ozly love-in.
K: It's all about the love man...
D: He also doesn't have the Hairdye of Much Gayness.
K: and he has that scruffiness of sensitive bisexuality.
D: indeed.
K: I'm sure he reads love poetry. And likes to make love by candlelight.
K: He's the gentle bisexual Oz! I bet he's living in a three-way with Giles and Tara in some alternate universe.
D: Where they've set up their detective agancy in Bath.
K: exactly!
D: Giles, McClay & Osbourne: Bisexual Investigators.
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K: Gay! Latex fetish gay!
D: Gay.
K: right?
D: Gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay.
K: with gay little highlights!
K: I mean, just look at that background! It's the latex room in Bondage Haven!
D: So gay he's probably humming "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" whilst he contemplates interior design.
K: He's gonna pull off his shirt, wear latex knickers, and roll around in water-soluble lubricant!
D: He's wearing a long PVC skirt and thigh high jet black leather fuck me boots, but we can't see.
D: and he's leaning on his riding crop
K: not leather. not. it's definitely latex.
D: it's all very Anne Robinson.
K: he's imported all sorts of stuff from the UK. He squeaks when he walks.
D: Wipe clean, anyway.
K: That or he's actually in a giant bouncy castle and too goth for y'all.
D: Either way he's still gay.
K: Oh completely and utterly.
D: He's a gay goth.
K: gay gay gay.
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K: eclectic.
K: he's a little bit out there -- a little bit kinky -- a little bit strange, and, y'know, he's up for anything -- literally!
D: There's definitely an S&M vibe there.
D: He's enjoying the bars.
K: do you think he'd handcuff Xander to the bars and suck him off and then bring willow in?
D: Probably under the orders of Giles.
K: oooh, yes.
D: Xander quivering with fear and excitement.
D: Oz basically willing to go with whomever Giles places in front of him.
K: "Mr. Osbourne, are you ready?"
"Yes, Master Giles!"
D: I think they'd still call him Mister.
K: you think?
D: For Oz to use it is almost more powerful than Master.
K: "Mister Giles, may I please suck Xander's cock?"
K: "Mister Giles, may I please make Willow come?"
K: "Mister Giles, may I please give Willow to Cordelia?"
K: Mister Giles, is my brain shorting out? Fuck yes.
D: Sorry, I drifted off there after "may I please suck Xander's cock."
K: heh.
K: So definitely eclectic.
D: Maybe we should move on.
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D: I'm going for eclectic on this one.
K: Really? I'm going for GAY
K: Just look at that shirt! That smile! That hair!
D: well, see, the shirt doesn't say gay to me.
K: really?
D: the smile and the hair for sure.
K: It does for me -- maybe it's the tightness around the biceps.
D: That's the thing. He's trying to be all things to all people.
K: ahh...yeah, I see it.
D: 'cause also, the white undershirt?
D: not gay.
K: but what if it's one of those vests -- a wifebeater classic?
D: wifebeater would be gay, that isn't.
K: true, true.
K: but it'd be perfect for the wet-t-shirt/underwear contest later on at cocksuckers
D: too high a neckline for gay. Doesn't make the eyes descend to his crotch.
D: as much as it would be running through a wheat field with Cordelia in a summer dress.
K: see, while he really isn't gay, there just isn't enough for me to really see his straightness, y'know?
K: he's like...lamely gay. Desperately wants to be cool gay, but failing.
K: He gets all the elements in, but he fails.
D: Or just geeky, which kinda falls into the crack between lame and lamely gay.
K: geekily eclectic?
K: geek chic gay?
K: Or just geek, which is neither gay, bisexual, or eclectic, but in a world all its own?
D: I think so. Men definitely aren't out the question, but frankly he'd be happy so long as he gets laid.
K: all he needs is a pocket protector.
D: Isn't that a pen on the front?
K: huh. It might be. Oh he's so geek.
K: G E E K
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