It's Been Awhile


It's been awhile since I first saw you. First day at school and you were the kid in the corner, small, brightly coloured and even then laconic. I was always the loudmouth, the kid who chased all the cute girls around the playground in games of kiss chase. How did we end up being friends? I can't remember the exactly moment, it just seemed to sidle in from somewhere and it just seemed right. You and me against the world.

You learnt to play the guitar and I sang. How many bands did we go though before we found the Dingoes? I can't remember either. We smoked pot, we went from club to club and night after night, there were new hair colours and fights and then suddenly warm bodies and stolen kisses in the back of the van, your collection of oddly shaped candles lighting our fumbling ways. It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candle lights your face but I can still remember just the way you taste.

It's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do. It was your girlfriend at first. I didn't want to share you but you fell head over heels with her and you left me. I bitched, she cheated and I waited for you to come back but you didn't, you stayed with her. Then you left us both and went away. Dammit man, what was I suppose to tell the rest of the Band? 'Hey guys, Oz won't be playing with us anymore, he's gone to Tibet to learn to control his inner wolf'? yeah, can see that going down well.

It's been awhile since I could say that I wasn't addicted, my pot smoking grew and I started harder stuff. Coke, Speed, anything that would get me that buzz. I think that's where I fucked up the most, like I always did. I died, Oz. I overdosed on a cocktail of god knows what drugs and died in a squalid little room somewhere in downtown Los Angeles and you were the last thing on my mind, your name the last words on my lips.

It's been awhile since I said sorry and I guess it's too late to start but I am. I'm sorry for everything I fucked up on but I'm not sorry that I met you.