White Noise

She was lying. Totally, completely, obviously lying. She said Oz had tried to kill himself. That he had taken like bottles and bottles of pills. Bitch. She said that he was at Sunnydale General and that the doctors didn't know if he was going to pull through.

She was lying. She had to be. Oz wouldn't kill himself. He's...fuck, man, he's Oz.

The needle on the speed thing crept up to seventy.

He was not going to fucking die. Not until I had a chance to kick him in the head a few times. Stupid little shit. What was he thinking, going off and letting something like this happen?

I yanked the steering wheel to the side, and the van's wheels screeched as I took the turn way too fast.

Oz couldn't die.

I wouldn't let him.


"Stand up," I whispered to the red head sitting next to me.

He blinked at me.

I poked him in the side again. "We stand up now."

"Oh." He stood and I stood up with him, angling my book towards him so he could see. "Thanks."


I kept glancing over at him. He was little. Like really. I felt kinda bad for him, 'cause he was all by himself. I couldn't imagine being by myself. I had my parents and my sisters, and my stupid brother and...

My dad touched my shoulder and I looked up. He looked...not happy. 'Cause I was talking in church, and that was Bad. I stopped talking to the boy sitting next to me and ducked my head.

But I still held the book up so he could look at it.


I shouted at her. Wilma. Wendy. Willa. Whatever. Don't care what her stupidass name is. But she was just looking so...distressed. Like she had any right to act like she cared about him. She fucking believed he'd kill himself.

Stupid whore.

"Devon, he took the pills. No one forced him, or poisoned him. You know he's been depressed..."

"He wouldn't fucking do that, you--"

That other girl, Bunny or whatever, grabbed my arm and squeezed.

I yanked my arm free. "Don't ever touch me again."

They all looked at me, surprised. What? So I'm a big freaking slut. Doesn't mean I let people I hate touch me. I don't even let people I like touch me. Unless we're fucking.

Or unless they're Oz. He has the okay to do anything he wants.


"Oz, you'll fall."

"Your sister wants her cat, Dev."

"My sister's an idiot. You'll fall."





"Devon, shut up. You're making me nervous." Oz moved slowly along the branch that held the cat. "Here kitty."



"Cat's name is Ishi. Like the book." I watched as a bunch of leaves fell off the tree. "Be careful."


"You're never careful."




"Shutting up."


"Devon, calm down, please."

I whirled and glared at the tweed guy. "No! My best friend is in there and you all think he tried to off himself and he didn't and I don't fucking want to be calm, okay?"

He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me into the nearest chair. "Breathe."

I buried my face in my hands. "Dude, this is just so not okay."


"Don't touch me," I whispered. "Just don't."

I felt his hands slide away from my shoulders. "Will you be all right?"


"Is there anything we...I can do?"

"Make him better."


I woke up slowly, just kind of drifting along and everything was really fuzzy and there was a naked guy pressed up against me.

Naked guy. Naked guy. Naked Oz.

I panicked and slid my arm out from under him. He sleeps like a rock most times; doesn't even notice when I come and go. Not entirely true. He notices, he just doesn't wake up.

Oz whimpered quietly, still asleep, and rolled over until all I was staring at was his back. The sound, that little kicked puppy sound, pissed me off. Really. 'Cause he's my friend, and someone hurt him, and I fucking hated that. I hate her, mostly, for screwing him over like she did.

Fucking self-centered bitch who can't see past her ass and has no consideration for anyone but herself.

Oz would have frowned at me if I had said that out loud. He loves her, still, always I think. But he'd be pissed, and I didn't want that, because Oz is a bitch when he's pissed.

I watched him curl in on himself, huddling under the blanket like he was cold.

Or lonely.


I lay back down beside him and pulled him close. It wasn't so bad, really. I kissed the top of his head and closed my eyes.


I snuck into the hospital chapel. It was little, and there were no like symbols or anything. Just a stained glass wall thing. No symbols there, either. I guess that being PC is kinda important. And it's okay to be that way. But I missed my nice scary church type decs.

Oh well. Didn't need anything to pray.

Except faith. And I haven't had that in a while.

I knelt and crossed myself, feeling way guilty. Hadn't been to confession in forever, I had fucked my male best friend, and I'm a heretical bastard. Heavy with the sinning boy. That's me.

Heretical. Dad had called me that. Oz explained what it meant.

I pulled my rosary out of my pocket. Oz let me keep it in his van; I don't know why. It was a present -- from him, weirdly enough -- for my Confirmation. It's beautiful too. Oz likes pretty things.

Oz who was still unconscious.

Oz who maybe tried to kill himself.

I bowed my head. "Don't let him die. Please." I stayed there, repeating that over and over again, and I think I was maybe crying. I don't know.

The door opened and I half-turned. It was Tweed Man again. I liked him, sorta. He was nice.



"He's awake."

I crossed myself again, out of habit, and stood up, following Giles out the door.

He was awake.

Now I could go kick his miserable little ass.